But that At The Drive In performance was the best thing ever on the show! When they played One Armed Scissor without actually playing any parts of the song, but implying them by keeping the structure the same - brilliant! One of the few good performances on a show that usually drains energy out of the best. Other highlights - the episode where Dizzee was there to be interviewed (but wasn't performing) and he stared blankly at Jules throughout the whole thing barely bothering to answer. Scott Walker's performances (and the fact that he didn't appear in the opening 'jam'.) The clip they showed, when Eddy Grant was on the show, of the Equals rocking the fuck out... on Playschool!
And he may be persona non-grata here but here's an amazing bit that Marcello Carlin posted on ILM in 2001:
"SCENE: Draughty ersatz "Top of the Pops" studio. A circle of not very diverse musicians listlessly parp, thump and stand about through some exceptionally lame boogie-woogie orchestrated by a middle-aged pianist standing, ringmaster-style, in the cynosure of the failed storm. The ringmaster leers towards the camera, narrowly missing the glass.
JH: Yes! My FRIENDS WELCOME! To! Later! With the ubla-ubla-mumble-mumble-ah yes indeed! And! A superb! Cast! Of! Musicians! Here tonight! And I have to say! Straight through! 'Cos they're the only ones you're watching the programme! For! Hands! Together for! Manic Toploader Coldphonics! Ah yes!
(Bradfield/Jones/Whoever The Hell Toploader Bloke Is, Is It Dan Someone Or Other proceed to warble semi-tonally through their current Number 27 smash hit fourth single from the underperforming album. Scattered whoops and applause)
JH: Yes! And! Magnificent A-Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Fats Domino! Now! Sitting here! We do not have legends! But this! Is a! Legend! With a dodgy new acoustic direction CD to sell! Midge! Ure!
URE: Aye! Yes! It's live! And that's whit counts! Live! Only £5.99! New world music direction! No hits since '85! All doonhill after Slik!
JH: Such! Articulacy! Buy his magnificent new album! For one pound! In all Record & Tape Exchange emporia! Now! There is soul! And there is "Nu" Soul! And there is R&B! And here is a lady! The like of which you've never heard! Before! Erykah Macy likes her so much! She recorded her album! On her behalf! Put it together! For! Pink Freedom Sunshine Cliche!
(Cue five minutes of dreary generic sub-sub-sub-Lauryn Hill "tasteful" jazzfunk with the same three primary colour clad backing singers you seem to get for all these types. Viewer strains to hold on to life)
JH: Ah! Yes! Radical! Ray Charles! But acceptable! Now! Tradition! Please welcome! Bill Wyman and his Indwelling Catheters! With Van the Man! Morrison Man!
(Ancient semi-derelict '60s failures shamble onto stage to launch into some goodtime boogie-woogie. Van the Man struggles to articulate his soul through the Forest of Dean which constitutes his nasal hairs with Beckettian lyrics of the calibre of "She's my baby/Don't mean maybe/Make you mine/Feel so fine." A 42-year-old IT middle manager planted in the audience makes a fool of himself by boogieing along energetically, much like your grandad trying to do the twist to N.E.R.D.)
JH: Now! To widen! The brief! Comedians! Without a script! What's the point? The! League! Of! Gentlemen!
LOG: Erm, we really make jokes for everyone else, and if we like them, it's a bonus. Erm, I'm not really in touch with pop music, erm, I bought "Unplugged" by the Corrs. Their inimitable fusion of traditional Hibernian sentiment with modern technology certainly makes me feel like dancing!
JH: I'm! Splitting my sides! Thank you League! Now! The same acts! But backwards! Bill Wyman at the piano with me! Here is the same "Ready Steady Go" clip of "Satisfaction" you've seen a million times! Give it up! For Neil! Finn! Acoustic!
(Neil Finn struggles for four-and-a-half minutes to avoid playing "Weather With You." Tumultuous applause comparable to Duran Duran at Wembley Arena circa 1983)
JH: Yes! Mr Neil! God! Finn! Any 18-year-olds watching! You won't know who the hell he is! But we're not interested! 'Cos! Over-40s are our demographic ideal! The people who went to the Comedy Store in 1982 and grew up with Squeeze's Best Of! That's what we're here for! OK, we'll throw you a sop now and then! Radiohead special upcoming! Or see the occasional visionary slip through by mistake! At The Drive In! But we're here as it is one merry world of music . . .
(Interrupted mid-sentence by an entourage of subversives storming through the studio, brandishing AK47s and hand grenades, who seize control of the cameras, microphones, lighting and studio. They are headed by their spokesmen, two pale gentlemen; a young bespectacled studious-looking chap, and a thirtysomething sallow Scot who looks more and more like Ken bloody Stott every bloody day. Some would say Norris Cole if he still had anything up on top. Some would say Loyd Grossman)
C&C: Ladies and gentlemen! We are the C&C Music Factory! We are here to dismantle and demolish this staid, laughable procession of middle-aged, prematurely arthritic wheezings masquerading as vital contemporary music. On "Now with C&C" we bring you Destiny's Child, Mogwai, Skitz, Ludacris, Atari Teenage Riot, Two Dollar Guitar, Roger Whittaker, Godspeed You Black Emperor, Squarepusher, Derek Bailey, Cannibal Ox, and, in a historic collaboration, SClub7 and Merzbow! For fuck's sake! Let's! PUSH THE FUCKING ENVELOPE!
(Happy ending, much jigging, etc. etc.). "