Why Don't You Go Live There?

IdleRich

IdleRich

IdleRich
If you haven't seen this some of it is pretty fucking funny/horrific. Some guy collects the maddest letters to free papers and emails to notice boards and stuff and then adds his own comments - a lot of them stand on their own though to be honest. For example:

"I expect the 300 extra police will be proactively recruited from ethnic minorities and will exclude white British males.
So, far from fundementalist Islamists having to find covert ways to infiltrate our police “services”, they are likely to be welcomed with open arms with all the usual standards and requirements being skewed to ensure they get in.
Then we will need another police department to keep an eye on those watching for terrorism.
You just couldn’t make it up!
Totally Disgruntled, Wokingham"


"I found this one an interesting (if slightly depressing) insight into the mind of a boring racist prick. I like the way he starts off with a bit of conjecture, then fabricates a ludicrous scenario, elaborates wildly, gets annoyed about it then, finally, having forgotten that he’s making all this shit up proclaims that you “couldn’t make it up”.
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http://ifyoulikeitsomuchwhydontyougolivethere.com/
 
STN

STN

sou'wester
I always liked Viz's take on this kind of letter.

'I read recently that prison populations have been ballooning in recent years. Why should these criminals get once in a lifetime thrillrides while the rest of us are stuck on the ground?'.
 
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IdleRich

IdleRich

IdleRich
But people who send in letters like this to the Metro are all around us

"Last week I was watching the so-called Britain’s got Talent, a young girl about 13 went on stage with her female friend, I can’t remenber her name. Anyway, the young girl’s friend, Mrs Dogs, dance a free dance, all the audience were even emotioned, they were so amazed that all the judges voted 3 yes for the DOG, so the next round, it will be dogs competing people.
Lets guess the Dog win the competition, the queen will be entertained by the highly talented thing of 2008 in Britain: A DOG, nobody has got much talent as that DOG.

One day scientists will genetically create a DOG speaking like the one in Man in Black movie. They will be compared to mankind.

IT IS HELL ON EARTH, PEOPLE!!! WAKE UP, OPEN YOUR MIND, WOMEN ARE ALREADY EQUAL TO MEN, NEXT STOP IS ANIMALS EQUAL TO WOMEN, which means to MEN, WHAT A SHAME!!
Elie Ngandu, Newcastle upon Tyne, UK"
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Presumably it was printed as well.
 
M

mistersloane

heavy heavy monster sound
I used to get pulled in occasionally to one of the free magazines to write the letters for the letters page - admittedly this was before email and text, so I presume people are a bit more free with communication now. It was always a high point of the day in that office when we'd sit around and make up the letters.
 
swears

swears

preppy-kei
I did work experience at a local paper as a teenager, 90% of the letters sent in were about either litter or dogshit, less than 10% were in response to an actual article that had been published.
 
Mr. Tea

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
mistersloane said:
I used to get pulled in occasionally to one of the free magazines to write the letters for the letters page - admittedly this was before email and text, so I presume people are a bit more free with communication now. It was always a high point of the day in that office when we'd sit around and make up the letters.
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I imagine you could have a whole WORLD of fun writing the 'letters' they print in jazz mags. You know, convincing impressionable adolescent virgins that if they haven't had a three-way with a dominatrix and a Thai ladyboy by the time they're 15, they must have something wrong with them, that sort of thing. :D
 
STN

STN

sou'wester
Somebody, somewhere told me that they had had a job doing just that (jazz letters, I mean) and had found it very dull and depressing. I'd rather write fake letters to the other type of jazz mag, to be honest ('sir, I dispute your assertion that Coltrane used a modulated fourth...').
 
IdleRich

IdleRich

IdleRich
"Somebody, somewhere told me that they had had a job doing just that (jazz letters, I mean) and had found it very dull and depressing."
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I actually tried that once when desperate for some money. I bought a magazine that offered fifty pounds for submissions. Then I concocted a story that was similar to the type of stuff in the magazine; I visualized it as being fairly lucrative, I thought that I could make a story in about five minutes and send it off (maybe with slight variations) to loads of magazines and collect fifty quid or so each time, then repeat for each issue. Sadly when I sent it (which felt a bit weird, to a stranger with no preamble - Dear Sir, I thought I would tell you about the singular thing which happened to me last week...) but the email address didn't work - I think a little more of my innocence was burned away then, I mean, I knew the stories were fake but I at least thought that they would let members of the public send them in so they could pretend they thought they were real or something.

Still, can this one really be made up? If so they must be employing some mad genius to come up with this kind of stuff.

"Too much healthy food is causing children to be taller than they used to be. It was once very uncommon to see a 6ft tall 11 year old, but now they are two-a-penny. On the one hand healthy food is a good thing, preventing rickets and such, but on the other an 11 year old boy/man with testosterone levels way in advance of his general knowledge (in particular biological), is not to be taken lightly. Certainly modern eating habits have a lot to answer for. Let’s have fewer vitamins and protein.
L A Odicean, London"
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U

UFO over easy

online mahjong
IdleRich's letter person said:
"Last week I was watching the so-called Britain’s got Talent, a young girl about 13 went on stage with her female friend, I can’t remenber her name. Anyway, the young girl’s friend, Mrs Dogs, dance a free dance, all the audience were even emotioned, they were so amazed that all the judges voted 3 yes for the DOG, so the next round, it will be dogs competing people.
Lets guess the Dog win the competition, the queen will be entertained by the highly talented thing of 2008 in Britain: A DOG, nobody has got much talent as that DOG.

One day scientists will genetically create a DOG speaking like the one in Man in Black movie. They will be compared to mankind.

IT IS HELL ON EARTH, PEOPLE!!! WAKE UP, OPEN YOUR MIND, WOMEN ARE ALREADY EQUAL TO MEN, NEXT STOP IS ANIMALS EQUAL TO WOMEN, which means to MEN, WHAT A SHAME!!
Elie Ngandu, Newcastle upon Tyne, UK"
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Elie Ngandu is Jaie Miller and I claim my £50
 
Mr. Tea

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
Jaie Miller said:
Mr.Tea, you have eyes. Could you tell me if my avatar, that of the stick figure, is visible?

Thank you.
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I'm afraid you're barking up the wrong tree, I'm blind and type by smell alone.*


*actually, no, I can't see it - or smell it, either.
 
john eden

john eden

male pale and stale
Jaie Miller said:
Mr.Tea, you have eyes. Could you tell me if my avatar, that of the stick figure, is visible?

Thank you.
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It's visible as your profile picture (if you click on your name and choose view profile) I think setting your avatar is done in a different place.
 
Jaie Miller

Jaie Miller

Well-known member
:eek:

KingOfTheHill_S7_coming.jpg
 
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