Pointless But It Makes Me Chuckle to Myself

Mr. Tea

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
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Sectionfive

Sectionfive

bandwagon house
Two for Mr Tea given the neutrino thing

A photon walks into a hotel, bellhop asks "would you like me to take your luggage?" "No thanks, I'm travelling light

A Higgs-Boson walks into a church, the priest says: We don't allow Higgs-Bosons in here.

The Higgs-Boson says: But without me how can you have mass?
 
Mr. Tea

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
Two sodium atoms are walking down the street. One suddenly yells "Oh my god, I've lost an electron!"; his mate says "Are you sure?"; first atom replies "Yes, I'm positive!".

...old as the hills.
 
Slothrop

Slothrop

Tight but Polite
A man walks into a bar, and orders a glass of adenosine tri-phosphate.

The barman says "that'll be 80p."
 
slowtrain

slowtrain

Well-known member
I don't understand dubstep. (anymore?)

That said, I don't really understand electronic music full stop. (As in, how the scene 'works')
 
luka

luka

Well-known member
"It was strange," the Tottenham Hotspur manager said. "It just shows you what happens in football. We can all remember when Arsène first came to England [in 1996 to manage Arsenal] – I remember reading articles saying he was like a professor watching the game and all the other nutters were jumping up and down, shouting and screaming. And that he wasn't like these idiots, that he's studying every move that's going on on the pitch like chess.

"[In 2003-04] they never lost a game all season so it was OK. I could've sat there with a cigar. But suddenly when you start losing a few games it all changes, doesn't it? Now he's joined the nutters. In fact he's one of the key nutters."
 
Mr. Tea

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
“Necropants are part of a complicated sorcery for gaining money,” Atlason explains. “The owner of necropants had to make a deal with a male friend while still alive about digging up his body after a natural cause of death, skinning it below the waste and wearing the skin as necropants.”

Atlason continues: “Then the necropants-owner would have to steal money from a poor widow and draw a magical symbol on a piece of parchment. After placing both in the necropants’ ‘pouch’ [scrotum], the owner would magically come into possession of money.”
 
Ulala

Ulala

Awkward Woodward
Walked past a couple at a bus stop this morning. The lady was quite vigorously pulling clumps of eyebrow from the man's face. He didn't seem to mind, either. Both smartly-dressed, presumably City-bound.
 
bandshell

bandshell

Grand High Witch
Mr. Tea said:
“Necropants are part of a complicated sorcery for gaining money,” Atlason explains. “The owner of necropants had to make a deal with a male friend while still alive about digging up his body after a natural cause of death, skinning it below the waste and wearing the skin as necropants.”

Atlason continues: “Then the necropants-owner would have to steal money from a poor widow and draw a magical symbol on a piece of parchment. After placing both in the necropants’ ‘pouch’ [scrotum], the owner would magically come into possession of money.”
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This reminds me of a spell book I found in the school library years ago. (No Hogwarts jokes please)

Some of the spells were hilarious. One of them being that your bride to be should obtain a live fish, shove it up herself and leave it there until it died. I can't remember what this was supposed to achieve but i don't think it matters.

A lot of the others just seemed to involve getting your partner to unknowingly eat your fluids, hair, nails etc.

There was a spell for fertility that involved burying menstrual blood at the foot of a tree you believe to be particularly healthy and a spell to make people sleep with you that consisted of stealing their shoes and hiding them under your bed.

Made rainy lunchtimes a bit more fun.
 
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