Why do I bother writing this stuff? Certainly not for adoration, or publication. I gave up on both long ago. I can't write to pitch, and I have tried. I have never needed to be liked, particularly; I have some residual self-confidence. It can only be because:
1) I really enjoy writing, for the sake of it.
2) To show off. That's what writing is. And I am vain.
3) To organise my own thoughts. To create a narrative out of random events, and understand the whole world, which I have always been interested in and wanted to be involved in.
4) To write things I want to read. This is the most arrogant part, actually. The web has nearly made writers obsolete. I'll give another example: my young cousin is studying to become a photographer. He is very good. But in this day and age of digital photos and Photoshop and Iphone apps, who isn't? Well, there is a unique artistry that remains. Now, I am not trying to be a professional writer, but I make the effort (for myself at least) when nobody has written an article or review I would want to read. I think, fuck it then, I'll write it myself. I get some inspiration when I read the boring and/or uniformed rubbish I see published. If no one else will write it, I will.
Now then: 5) Not being timid or scared of your name or ideas. Loads of people are, but to quote Adam Ant, ridicule is nothing to be scared of. Writing gets harder the more you know, the better you become and the better you read (and the better writers you read). I'm at that point, now. I find it harder to write now than I did in 2003, and yet the ideas are bursting out of my head. I'm carrying on because of points 1, 2, 3 and 4. It's a hobby, but without it, I couldn't exist.
I HAVE TO WRITE.
I have 10 readers, at most, but it doesn't really matter, now. I make it public, because that's part of the point, and the game. My cousin will make a living, I'm sure; and his own photos, the art he does, may not be famous, or even different, but there will, I am sure, be a care, a reason, an expertise, that sets his pictures apart. I am not humble about this. I have always been a swash-buckler with words, and never afraid of making a fool of myself.