Can You Eat like a Civilized Human Being?

[Leo]

nah, grew up part of her years on a small farm. but the family did have some pretensions.

 

[woops]

when I was a kid I did the elaborate ritual where you cut with the knife in your right hand and then swap hands before bringing it to your mouth. must have picked it up by osmosis. seems completely unhinged to me now. these days i just move my head to the plate and grab what I can, like I'm bobbing for apples.

no knife, fork or hands? i predict this thread will run and run

 

[william kent]

I like to eat baked beans using ready salted crisps as a spoon.

 

[Corpsey.]

I used to be made fun of for cutting up most if not all of my food first and then eating, as opposed to the more dignified cut/eat, cut/eat. I still occasionally cut everything if the food is piping hot and needs to cool a bit. cuz want's worse than burning your tongue.

I saw on door dash the other day you can order a steak pre cut into little peices delivered in a bowl. A rare peak into the heart of darkness

 

[muser]

I eat disgustingly fast most of the time but I never ever get food on my face. People that can obliviously eat with loose crumbs hanging off their lip or bits of sauce on their face need to be doused in petrol.

 

[entertainment]

when version licks the salt from the crisps off his fingers, he goes "mmhmm version likey"

 

[luka]

when version licks the salt from the crisps off his fingers, he goes "mmhmm version likey"

Then he sticks a dorito up his bum

 

[william kent]

Then he sticks a dorito up his bum

They're designed for dipping.

 

[entertainment]

I have the obnoxious habit of going "ahh" after the first sip of a beer. Don't know what to do at this point.

 

[shiels]

I get told “nobody’s gonna steal it”, hoof it down. Must be awful to watch

 

[Mr. Tea]

I saw on door dash the other day you can order a steak pre cut into little peices delivered in a bowl. A rare peak into the heart of darkness

A bowl decorated with cartoon bones and the name FIDO, I hope.

 

[luka]

I get told “nobody’s gonna steal it”, hoof it down. Must be awful to watch

I beat shiels though. I was the winner in this titanic clash. I'd finished before he even broke his egg yolk

 

[IdleRich]

I'm not into that decadent continental thing of oh you must eat your dinner like you're making love to a beautiful woman. I like to tear into my food, wolf it down as fast as possible, spill most of it down my front and be finished half an hour before everyone else at the table, impatient to get back to playtime.

I reckon Leo is a slow, lingering, considered eater. Licking an olive and pronouncing on its quality. Version definitely cuts his up into even, bite sized pieces, very methodical and deliberate, thoughtfully chewing each mouthful a set number of times. Craner probably forgets to eat half the time, a mouthful here and there between glasses of wine. A slice of Sainsburys chorizo, an anchovy or handful of sea salt and Chardonnay vinegar crisps. Rich is either very very fast or painfully almost antagonistically slow, I can't decide which, probably the latter.

No, exactly wrong. Fast as fuck.

 

[luka]

I said one or the other but leaned the wrong way. That means I get half a point

 

[IdleRich]

I wish I ate a little more slowly, considering and savoring each bite. but I'm a slightly above average speed eater, nothing like you luka. I used to be made fun of for cutting up most if not all of my food first and then eating, as opposed to the more dignified cut/eat, cut/eat. I still occasionally cut everything if the food is piping hot and needs to cool a bit. cuz want's worse than burning your tongue.

I sometimes try holding the knife and fork like you guys do, not bad for some foods but ridiculous for others. why try to pile things on the curved back side of the fork instead of the curved front, you weirdos?

I do that. I remember at uni someone seeing me and saying "ooh you can tell you're posh". Along with "move the spoon away from you when eating soup" it's the only rule of eating etiquette I know though.

 

[Corpsey.]

Yall have soylent?

Disgruntled tech bro, frustrated at the inefficiency of meals, made what is supposed to be the ultimate liquid meal replacement. You can go weaks without solid food. Yes, it is named after soylent green.

 

[luka]

Not as far as I know. Stan would call that 'optimization'

 

[beiser]

Yall have soylent?

Disgruntled tech bro, frustrated at the inefficiency of meals, made what is supposed to be the ultimate liquid meal replacement. You can go weaks without solid food. Yes, it is named after soylent green.

Soylent is fine. Banana flavor the winningest choice. Illegal in the EU because they use GMOs like good Americans. Other meal replacement drinks are stronger though; I probably like Huel the most, even though it tastes a bit crap—lower glycemic index, I think.

 

[IdleRich]

Yall have soylent?

Disgruntled tech bro, frustrated at the inefficiency of meals, made what is supposed to be the ultimate liquid meal replacement. You can go weaks without solid food. Yes, it is named after soylent green.

I remember when it appeared, never heard of it since, assumed it sank without trace but could be totally wrong.

 

[entertainment]

I sometimes try holding the knife and fork like you guys do, not bad for some foods but ridiculous for others. why try to pile things on the curved back side of the fork instead of the curved front, you weirdos?

wait, brits pile food on the outwards curve of the fork?