ok, i don't have many but
but... casting my mind back...
1> i've got the same sunglasses as the dissensus 'cool' smiley
2> once i was sick on the ground and i realised the ground was john peel
3> windows vista is named after me
4> i am the capital of france
5> my name is wiley and i am grimey, i am shystie and you can't get beside me
6> one day i was walking Ice Cube on a leash round the Jardins de Luxembourg, and Michael Winner complimented me on my nice bitch.
7> i was born in studio 1 on christmas day. a 3-year-old jacques derrida was the midwife
8> i travelled back through the crack to the land of bloodstains
9> when i got bored of my career as a shoe lace restorer after two days i hypnotised my neighbour into taking over the job, only for him to form dirty pretty things
10> i once smoked a fag whilst not thinking about the bloke from orange organics. next day his series was axed and he fell over
11> my mum invented the lightbulb, the mousetrap and electricity to impress the fucking comte de lautreamont, except it didnt work and he went off with Sofia Coppola instead, before she was famous
12> my sister's best friend's dad once had a cup of tea with albert einstein round at schoenberg's house, and i don't even have a sister
13> i scored a first class in nomadology from Brainiac U. whilst financing Brian May's $squillion a day habit by pimping Beyonce Knowles to Big Pharma before she was famous.
14> i got arrested for stealing michael winner's tan from the back seat of devin the dude's llama-drawn commode by john osborne when he was still in the police. fortunately kathy acker sent me a nail file in a cake baked by brigitte bardot and i dug a tunnel into k-punk's greenhouse and had a spliff with armando iannucci, who was visiting along with georges bataille (seemed like a nice bloke)
15> my media studies teacher at my public school once had a cup of tea with both of the twins from fun house, then married them both with tiger woods as the minister and brandon lee as best man, before you were famous