sign you are watching a good movie

Tentative Andy

I'm in the Meal Deal
Great thread!
When an overworked, stressed cop is enjoying a moment of intimacy with his (almost always is a his) other half, and they're interrupted by a phone call summoning him to a brutal crime scene/dramatic encounter with the villian. Bonus points if he answers with some variation on 'this better be important'.
 

Tentative Andy

I'm in the Meal Deal
In my estimation, the most ridiculous ("good") movies are always the ones based very obviously on male fantasy.

Like the ones where the protagonist X is a spy who is good looking, on a covert mission to kill all the terrorists the world over in the awesomest car imaginable, and (of course) either needs to save a hot woman or team up with her on the mission.

If they do team up, she will probably wow him with her spy skills (this will involve acrobatics of some sort, and probably a black leotard and/or bikini.). He will remain very cool and collected because he knows ultimately his spy skills will overwhelm her and she will melt like jelly in the sun at a critical moment, like when the mission is almost finished suddenly the hot women realizes that she doesn't really want to compete with X for a promotion (he really deserves it), she just wants to fuck him. So when it's very important that they both focus on ninja-ing terrorists, she will decide to inopportunely throw herself at him and compromise everything. He will then be torn between duty to his country and duty to his cock. This is a somewhat difficult decision to make, but ultimately patria wins out, because he's such a fucking warrior.

There are all kinds of versions of this movie, but they're all the same. Like Risky Business. [I was a little embarrassed for the world when I saw that one.] Substitute teenaged player-pimp for spy X, and prostitute for hot spy woman, and it's more or less the same story. Very impressive man with superlative skills and powers in his life/career also has improbably supernatural pull when it comes to women, even women who might at first mistakenly think they want nothing to do with him. He is also recognized far and wide for his potency.

See also: the Bond movie minor trope where he's investigated by an unspecified 'internal affairs' sort of woman for his maverick tactics. She's always insanely hot, by initially presented as humourless/frigid/probably a feminist of some again unspecified sort. She is very snippy with Bond until some feat of fast driving/shooting lots of folk/cheesy one-liners suddenly converts her, and they shag like rabbits (in 30 second montage). Afterwards she's a total pussycat, and if they're really going for it she may be killed off in a little while.
 
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Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
A lab, military base or some other large installation with otherwise Fort Knox-standard security has a system of interconnecting, easily navigable ventilation ducts big enough for a well-built man to crawl though, with grates over the openings that can be easily pulled off/pushed out or at worst removed with a screwdriver or simple lever of some kind.
 

Tentative Andy

I'm in the Meal Deal
A lab, military base or some other large installation with otherwise Fort Knox-standard security has a system of interconnecting, easily navigable ventilation ducts big enough for a well-built man to crawl though, with grates over the openings that can be easily pulled off/pushed out or at worst removed with a screwdriver or simple lever of some kind.

Hahaha. I should we should all make a movie consisting of only amusingly cliched elements.
 

nomadthethird

more issues than Time mag
The woman who plays that part is, on one level, quite hot - but as with Jerry Hall, I can't quite shake off the feeling that she looks a bit like a drag queen. Which probably just adds to the film's overall feeling of sleazy depravity. The marbles bit is good, too. Maybe I've misjudged this film...

Gina Gerschon, isn't it?

She's pretty but her eyes make her look kind of half dead and/or mentally retarded.

I love Jerry Hall, she's very intentionally snide and sleazy.
 
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nomadthethird

more issues than Time mag
See also: the Bond movie minor trope where he's investigated by an unspecified 'internal affairs' sort of woman for his maverick tactics. She's always insanely hot, by initially presented as humourless/frigid/probably a feminist of some again unspecified sort. She is very snippy with Bond until some feat of fast driving/shooting lots of folk/cheesy one-liners suddenly converts her, and they shag like rabbits (in 30 second montage). Afterwards she's a total pussycat, and if they're really going for it she may be killed off in a little while.

Hollywood takes basically any opportunity it can to remind us that a feminist is just an icequeen who hasn't found the right man yet to warm her up and turn on her ladyparts and make them work properly so she will turn into a baby-making/nesting/monogamy machine (a "real woman") who gives up on having her own identity outside of a relationship and is instead contented and fulfilled by being number two to her husband's number one.

Biology is destiny, after all. If women are able to bear children, that means women are made only to be mothers. The reason why women now want to go against nature and have careers and act like men, you see, is because men don't act manly enough (give high speed car chase and wield AK47s on crowded streets in hot pursuit of Bad Guys) anymore. There's no one to turn on their baby-making instincts for them. Plus, Anne Coulter told me feminists have hijacked the media and they're turning women against motherhood. :rolleyes:
 
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IdleRich

IdleRich
off the top of my head
Street Fighter w/ Sonny Chiba
I Spit On Your Grave
Sudden Impact
Last House on the Left
Also Caligula it turns out (although I don't know if it counts 'cause the castratee is already dead (and has just been ceremonially pissed on by some masturbating ladies)).
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
It's not billed as 'Episode X' in a series of films, where X > 4.
 
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swears

preppy-kei
You look at the DVD cover and see the words 'Police Academy' on it.

The second one was on ITV today and was pretty good! Lieutenant Mauser is always the victim of movie cliche pranks like shampoo swapped for glue or an unnecessary cavity search, complete with rubber glove snap.
 

nomadthethird

more issues than Time mag
The second one was on ITV today and was pretty good! Lieutenant Mauser is always the victim of movie cliche pranks like shampoo swapped for glue or an unnecessary cavity search, complete with rubber glove snap.

Swears, you really are the best at this game.
 

nomadthethird

more issues than Time mag
Reading an good book with a bit of reference to this at the moment that you might like, it's called Cinesexuality and is by a Deleuzzz person called Patricia MacCormack :

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinesexuality

It's fun. About taking cinema - in its entirety - as one's lover.

This sounds awesome :) I was actually assigned something by MacCormack once and never got around to it. But as far as the wiki page goes I totally agree.

I really go for camp obviously, and I think it's film that's the best suited for camp, and the gay/trans community that's usually best suited for making camp films, because camp is all about having ironic distance from the Oedipal drama, enough distance so you can see it for what it is, see through the farce that is the family--often a lot of nonsense neuroses masquerading as love and attachment. One of the most underrated camp films on the subject of the family being a load of crap is Andy Warhol's "Bad", it's amazing, and hilarious. I highly recommend it.

Maybe we need a camp thread.
 

mistersloane

heavy heavy monster sound
This sounds awesome :) I was actually assigned something by MacCormack once and never got around to it. But as far as the wiki page goes I totally agree.

I really go for camp obviously, and I think it's film that's the best suited for camp, and the gay/trans community that's usually best suited for making camp films, because camp is all about having ironic distance from the Oedipal drama, enough distance so you can see it for what it is, often a lot of nonsense neuroses masquerading as love and attachment. One of the most underrated camp films on the subject of the family being a load of crap is Andy Warhol's "Bad", it's amazing, and hilarious. I highly recommend it.

Maybe we need a camp thread.

She's a really good writer and really lovely person too, very very funny. Face to face she can reduce me to tears in seconds.

Oh god talking about being reduced to tears this scene in bad just kills me

 
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