Suspended's Poetry Apprenticeship

[sus]

you said my line was shit so im allowed to be mean to you.

That just shows how much faith I have in you. Youve set the bar so high

 

[luka]

That just shows how much faith I have in you. Youve set the bar so high

you are actually able to identify the things ive done wrong. youve consistently done that i have to give you credit for it.

 

[other_life]

its a bit twee Gus.

i like it! It's Auden-esque

 

[sus]

Thanks Other Life thats very kind thanks for reading

 

[mixed_biscuits]

@sus your poem's tumbling singsong quality would appeal to children, so one exercise would be to actually put it in a poetic form with stanzas, refigure some obscurities (although it would be a shame to lose lemniscate) and read it to groups of children to see which bits work for them or not and think why.

 

[luka]

something eminently sensible that oliver craner said recently was that if you are going to write poetry today you have to be writing post-luka poems. they have to be written with an awareness of what luka has done and they have to grapple with that influence.

 

[sus]

@sus your poem's tumbling singsong quality would appeal to children, so one exercise would be to actually put it in a poetic form with stanzas

Thats not the traditional form lol it's called a Maqamat look it up on google

 

[sus]

What parts worked for you Biscuits

 

[mixed_biscuits]

Thats not the traditional form lol it's called a Maqamat look it up on google

You're not replacing the original you're just making a version as an exercise.

 

[mixed_biscuits]

What parts worked for you Biscuits

I like 'I am muscle, I am arrow, I am bone...' and I like most of the bit about the raga.

 

[sus]

Thanks. What did you think of the last stanza and its ideas from natural history?

 

[Benny Bunter]

`Andrew Wynn Owen's impressive debut collection has the crafted confidence of a poet who has inherited the stylistic techniques of Auden, Hardy, Herbert and all those forebears who placed their trust in poetry's lyrical birthright. The shapes and structures of intricately patterned verse feel like a natural form of expression for Wynn Owen, prompting and provoking a flexibility of language and a fluidity of thought appropriate to the bewildering and beguiling multiplicities of our contemporary world. Within those controlled outlines he showcases an extraordinary versatility of tone and feeling.' - Simon Armitage

 

[mixed_biscuits]

'I am muscle, I am arrow, I am bone...'

This phrase keeps the two good principles:

1. Originality. Cliche should be avoided at all costs and that includes saying things in a straight fashion that one might find in a prose rendering; if you've heard something being said in that way before, change it. Luka's literary poetry does a lot of transmogrification of often quite straightforward events by expressing them in novel ways (that also work, just because something might be new doesn't necessarily make it good). Go through your poem and see what is expressed originally and what is not. The originality imperative naturally leads to the use of metaphor, simile and other poetic devices.

2. Economy. 'I am vector' might help with the rhyme but is too similar to 'I am arrow' to add much to the meaning and also spoils the rule of 3 (which Luka uses a lot in his street poetry) and the natural closure of the phrase from the 4-4-3 syllable parts ('I am muscle' = syllables etc.). An expression of profusion is fine but repetition is not unless done for effect.

3. The other issue I would pick out is stylistic coherence. Different words have different degrees of formality and belong to different lexical fields so care must be taken when matching a smoking jacket to a pair of jeans and it should never be matches with Hawaiian shorts. Care must also be taken with solecisms (i.e. using a word incorrectly for effect) in order for them to be received in the right way by the reader.

 

[mixed_biscuits]

Thanks. What did you think of the last stanza and its ideas from natural history?

I think there's some potential in the ideas there but the register issue is probably greatest in this part. The expression is too straight and some of the grammar is odd.

 

[william_kent]

pissed off I didn't get to add this as a tag

• brave noah had an ark

 

[mixed_biscuits]

`Andrew Wynn Owen's impressive debut collection has the crafted confidence of a poet who has inherited the stylistic techniques of Auden, Hardy, Herbert and all those forebears who placed their trust in poetry's lyrical birthright. The shapes and structures of intricately patterned verse feel like a natural form of expression for Wynn Owen, prompting and provoking a flexibility of language and a fluidity of thought appropriate to the bewildering and beguiling multiplicities of our contemporary world. Within those controlled outlines he showcases an extraordinary versatility of tone and feeling.' - Simon Armitage

I think Auden is amazing. Another guy with mad skillz.

 

[Benny Bunter]

Haven't read much Auden tbh

Sorry biscuits but I was taking the piss with that quote. Simon fucking Armitage!

 

[Benny Bunter]

Even just mentioning this guy in the same breath as Hardy and Herbert is hilarious

 

[craner]

@sus break this down for me:

Honor Levy Finally Published Her First Book

Six hours in Dimes Square with the 26-year-old author and niche icon.

www.thecut.com

 

[Benny Bunter]