Recently (Decemeber I tihnk) there was a DJ not-unadjacent to TJF (not Scott Fraser) who came over (with his wife) to play with Liza in Lisbon and he stayed at her house and played three or four successful gigs (I'm told, I wasn't there). And Liza messaged me going this guy is so knowledgeable about music, it's unbelievable and he's such a skilled DJ and he's just amazing. The first few gigs were good anyhow, but then he started drinking, turned out he had a bit of a problem and he went right off the rails, last couple of days were something of an ordeal I think. Anyway she got through it and I was in town near her flat and I texted her and she said yeah they left a couple of hours ago, come round and I'll tell you about it. So I went round, and to my surprise I saw this DJ sat at the table and Liza looking kinda pissed off. And it turned out that... well we don't really know what happened but for sure the wife got on the plane while the guy was either too drunk to find it, or else just too drunk to be allowed on it, so he'd cabbed it back to Liza's and was sat at her table swigging from a just opened bottle of port. Liza was really pleased to see me "please just take him to a bar and give me some peace" - the guy greeted me like a long lost friend and and hugged me and said how great it was to see me - I don't think we've ever exchanged a word before but I guess we kinda sorta knew who each other were.
Anyway, I took him out to this bar round the corner and by the time we'd walked there he'd tanned the whole bottle of port (it was about 200m away). We sat down outside and started talking... and I should mention that this guy is a fucking big unit, he looks totally degenerate with long greasy hair, eyes pointing in different directions cos of some accident and his grubby t-shirt stretched over his
@Corpsey-esque belly. He says he's got to go to the toilet and staggers inside... a couple of minutes later I go and look for him and he's kinda forced his way behind the bar and is menacing the staff "is he with you?" - I manage to extract him and he's fucking all over the place. We sit for a few minutes and his phone goes and it turns out it's his wife who has landed in the UK, he just starts shouting into the phone "You fucking stupid evil bitch" and the like and then he says to me "I'm fucked, I need some coke to wake up" and so I say "yeah I know a place just round the corner let's go" and we start walking - staggering in his case - but half-way there and he says "I can't make it, i just need to crash" so we change direction and go back to Liza's, she opens the door and he stumbles in straight past her and goes and collapses on the bed face down (in LIza's bedroom in fact, she let them have the bigger room as they were a couple but was looking forward to getting it back that night). Liza and I look at each other and then we can just hear him doing these weird moans "ooooaahhhhh" and then again a minute later "aahahhhhhgggg" really loud and very strange. I feel I've done my duty and so I fuck off.
Next day Liza phones me and says "As expected he shat and pissed all over my bed" - I think he still had his jeans on so that must have been pretty grim. She told me he'd just bought a couple of bottles of port and headed off for the airport, fingers crossed this time...
She made me promise not to tell this story to anyone so please don't repeat it, especially not
@Mr. Tea who can likely guess who it is.
@luka and
@ver$hy ver$h and
@catalog even
@shakahislop might find it amusing though.