Inevitable (?) office party thread

STN

sou'wester
Gosh, was it mentioned the next day?

Mine was extremely banal by comparison, just some of the usual stuff (arse-touching from someone you wouldn't expect it from, home truths, someone asleep under a table etc).
 

martin

----
Yeah, it's still being mentioned now. All behind her back of course, like the cowards we are. If someone yaks up you can laugh at them openly, but loss of bowel control seems too taboo to broach in front of the sufferer. Luckily she doesn't work on my floor, I know I'd be unable to stop staring at her arse if she did.

Home truths? Any fights? Did anyone else get a black eye?
 

STN

sou'wester
Did you get a black eye?

My work is 95% women, who are generally (in my experience) less prepared to explode into violence over (often completely imagined) slights.
 

martin

----
No, I was really boring at my party. Considered nicking a bass guitar but it seemed impossible to get it past security, or without being seen and fired. Just spent most of the night talking to some 40-year old woman who thought everything I said was hilarious. Then the next day she blanked me.
 

zhao

there are no accidents
oh! I haven't visited this thread since that night! we had the party at the office this year (L.A.M.E.) but was kind of exciting:

1. I told the dj he sucked to his face. we rigged up a stereo in another room and was boomin' grime and dubstep / baltimore gheto shit while playing video games and drinking cocktails.

2. at some point, maybe around 1 AM, a group of us went up to the roof of the building, climbed up to the very top and, A. smoked weed, B. urinated off the roof, onto the main entrance 15 levels below and C. stole the giant american flag from the pole (we were scared the next day that security cameras had caught us in action, but nothing ever happened - the stolen flag as of right now is still in the trunk of my buddy's car.)

3. as we were leaving, around 2AM, we saw a horrendous and later became hi-fucking-larious sight: one of the project managers standing in an editing bay, with his pants around his ankles. someone said "are you OK??!!" he ignored us completely, walked to the wall, and was still standing there when we left him. other people also saw him sitting in a chair facing the open door, balls hanging out, asleep. he claims that he does not remember the episode at all the next day, blushing, when the entire office was practically rolling on the ground with tears in our eyes.
 

STN

sou'wester
Right well this year we've a free bar for 5 hours so it should be fairly horrific.

Horror stories please, and please do read the colour supplements and remember to have a glass of water for every alcoholic drink you have...
 

Gavin

booty bass intellectual
Never worked at a proper office until now, and sure enough here comes my first office holiday party... There's an open bar at a bowling alley next week, hoping for some horror stories to share. Unfortunately it's 4-7 PM, could put a kibosh on shenanigans.
 

zhao

there are no accidents
awaiting funnies from everyone else as this year i will have no new tales to tell for freelance reasons.
 

bassnation

the abyss
Someone actually suggested a tour of the house of commons as part of the party this year. I was a bit gobsmacked by that. On the one hand it's about as far as you can get from a party,
well, depends what you mean by "party" i guess. theres the fun kind and then theres labour (and all the others)
 
Last edited:

john eden

male pale and stale
Well that's probably more to do with being welsh, than gender? ;)

My office parties passed without any serious incident this year.

I was bitten by a lesbian at our departmental one. On my shoulder, which was good because I was then able to wind her up that my partner had gone apeshit about it after seeing the (entirely fictional) mark she'd left.

At the all-company one we were joined on our table from a geezer from IT who complained that people always wanted to talk to him about their computers at these things but we were alright. He then proceeded to talk about computers all night, but he was on the other side of the table so I ignored him.
 

STN

sou'wester
Well I missed mine, due to one of my mates being a fool.

However, my colleagues have cracked open the first bottle of cava at 10:50am this morning. I can't see a good end to today....
 

STN

sou'wester
Well, this thread never turns into the cesspit of Petronian mayhem that I hope it will, but I'm giving it another go. Only 8 people in the office I work in now, so unlikely anything bizarre will happen...
 

BareBones

wheezy
i heard that a girl at my work licked cocaine off some dude's dick at one of our xmas parties, but then apparently a teacher also did that to a sixth-former at the school i went to. Not sure why anyone would want to lick coke anyway.

not as horrendous as STN is after i'm sure, but the funniest thing i ever saw at one of our xmas parties was this guy trying to breakdance near a table full of complementary glasses of champagne and bottles of beer. He fatefully tried to execute the spinning-around-on-your-back thing, getting his foot caught in the tablecloth in the process, and pulled about 20 drinks down all over himself. The final insult was a single bottle of becks teetering on its side on the edge of the table, the remaining contents dripping onto his forehead as he lay on the floor.
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
"i heard that a girl at my work licked cocaine off some dude's dick at one of our xmas parties, but then apparently a teacher also did that to a sixth-former at the school i went to. Not sure why anyone would want to lick coke anyway"
I suppose though that if she'd done it differently you would be saying "why would you want someone sniffing your dick anyway" instead.
 

BareBones

wheezy
lol, true true

can't think of any appealing drug/genitalia combos really, though i'm sure someone here will suggest one
 
Top