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Don’t really get Ian Dury’s ‘genius’ status. He was good at rhyming. He used to teach art at Barnfield College in Luton before he got into the music biz. The only person I ever knew who owned an Ian Dury album was really annoying. Lou Reed was a bad-mannered midget who looked like a hedge fund...

Well, it's true. When you take on a summer gardening job and end up power-strimming a wet dog turd all over your forearms, you want to tell your male friends about it over a Guinness and a fag - not your girlfriend.

Poor man's SIS building.

I think my least favourite place in the north is Liverpool. I know this is going to piss off Scousers, but I just don’t get anything about it. I thought the music was crap – Beatles, Julian Cope, the Las, the Zutons…it’s a long, depressing list. Everything seems like a bad copy of London. Echo...

Yorkshire ferk are great.

It's definitely central to Heart Of The Matter, and crops up in Brighton Rock, where this paranoid teen psycho is trying to fuck everyone over but then relapsing and crying out for Christ's mercy when he comes under attack. Hard to say, as I've read so little, but Ministry of Fear (and I think...

Read them in my teens so the memories are hazy, but Brighton Rock is OK – sadistic cat lick street urchin running amok with his razor. Actually, it’s probably really tame by today’s standards. Heart Of The Matter is heavy on Catholicism, corruption and human failings. Ministry of Fear is a...

Joke subject, like maths and music. Cure for rabies, cancer, AIDS? No: but look how you can shine a light through a prism to recreate that Pink Floyd cover. Mind you, I don’t blame scientists: like in the art world, it’s probably easy to scam a science grant to mess around on some daft lab...

Just read Sheridan Le Fanu’s pre-“Dracula” teen vampire romp “Carmilla”. The supposed ‘lesbian’ angle’s very overhyped, in my humble. I guess you could take that from a book featuring a pair of young girls cuddling up and obsessing over each other…but one’s dead and 200 years old, and feasting...

You might prefer this one, no vocals

So what's happened to directly employed takeaway drivers, like the ones on Dominos mopeds...are they being laid off by these new go-betweens? I haven't used Ubereats or Deliveroo, just in case the driver decided to gob some Covid into the food. Which I might have done, if I'd spent three hours...

To be fair, tomatoes have no business on a burger, and most kebab salad is washed in chlorine.

My dad was like that, no taste buds. Nearly every home-cooked meal was pork chop, mash and greens. My mum once got adventurous and made a lasagne but he just forked it off the plate into the dog's bowl and stormed out. I used to wonder if it was something to do with food poverty when he was...

Maybe it's just nostalgic bullshit, or an indication of how alienated I feel in 2021, but I kind of miss those Hoxton/Shoreditch "five electroclash acts in the back of a pub" nights.

Yeah, guilty as charged. Though can sleep at night knowing I didn't fake-laugh. I actually have a worse 'watching garbage' anecdote but it's too shameful to share. Ditto 'Notting Hill' or 'Trainspotting'. Whereas 'Minder' is a beautiful time machine back to early '80s West London. 'Friends'...

Real Black Velvet is Guinness and champagne...but there was 'Bootleg Black Velvet' which was Guinness mixed with Woodpecker and on more of a 'bite yer ear off down the car park' vibe.

Years ago I was invited to a co-worker's birthday party/BBQ and had my one and only Pimm's. Just remember it being sickly sweet. Like Luka said, it's fairly weak, but the demographic's not really the 'let's go fucking mental' type. I'm glad this thread got revived. I've tried Negronis since...

They’re really tacky. I don’t know why they all have big cinema rooms? Imagine…all that opulence and freedom to do whatever their dark hearts desire, and what do they do…sit around watching movies. Sad.

Y'what?