there was a boy in my class called simon paul, so invariably if we had a new teacher doing the register they'd make a paul simon joke.
one year all he got for his birthday was a tamagotchi (about £5) so i got this impression he was really poor. he exploited my sympathies and would come up to me every day and go "can you borrow me a pound?" and i'd oblige for a whole year until his next birthday he got loads and loads and loads of presents (i joked that i'd paid for them all).
there was a boy called mohammad who got wind of this too and he'd come up to me over-acting pleading me to also "borrow me a pound". i didn't buy into it. i later got the impression mohammad was closeted gay. he was obsessed with me (once outside french he ripped my shirt open with all the buttons coming off). we also used to do this thing of doing a gay voice and harassing this asian boy called jason ("jaaaassssoooooon") and mohamad would always take it t0o far, started dry humping me and all that.
simon paul was in the top class with me in year 7, 8 and 9. however he was sat next to me in english in year 9 and i was such a bad influence he went from being in the top class to being put in the 4th class for year 10 and 11.
i just remembered i once heiled a teacher and he laughed, and instead of me getting told off the teacher told him off for laughing. the same thing happened when i called a teacher a white devil and the girl who laughed at me got a bollocking instead of me.
i really am a slimey little shit.