Just got out of Mexican jail

line b

line b

Well-known member
I fly to Cancun 6am on the 16th. As I'm packing my bags on the 15th at 11pm I realize my ex wife has taken the box with all of our important records in it, passport included. I text her and her friend saying I need it tonight.

She's out celebrating her birthday.

No response from my wife and her friend basically tells me to eat shit. My travel mate is already in Mexico and calls said friend twice and begs and cries for her to not strand him alone in mexico. She says 'maybe.' Eventually we get a hold of someone's boyfriend who agrees to help me out. They shut down the bars and I meet him at 4 am to get my passport.

I get to the airport and my terminal at 5:40 to print my boarding pass. They tell me I've missed my flight because despite getting there 50 minutes early, I did not digitally check in 60 minutes ahead of time. I buy another one way flight to Cancun at 10am. I get maybe an hour of sleep on the plane.
 
line b

line b

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In Mexico/cancun you can buy controlled substances from farmacias if you find the right one. We go the 'hotel zone' and troll the street for an hour until we eventually find a place that sells us Xanax and adderal. We take an adderall. Off to the heart of the hotel zone- Congo bongo.

Congo bongo and the surrounding area is a cheaper Mexican rendition of Vegas. We took to calling it the autonomous Hard Rock Cafe zone. Walking around we approach a window bar from the street and a man named Danny from Manchester is behind the counter. He keeps insisting that he doesn't work there. We goad him out from behind the counter and stick with him for the next few hours. Danny is a machine built to harass service workers and pedestrians and cheat on his wife. He tells us about his military service. He has killed people. He gets upset with me that I do not alert him that the waitress he's been trying to sleep with for two days has snuck off without him. He has two beautiful children. We buy cocaine.
 
line b

line b

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We are on cocaine. We go to a taqueria. We take our shirts off and I challenge Danny to a push up contest in the taqueria. The owner is loving us. We continue to drink. We accidentally wind up in a strip club/brothel though in hindsight that probably wasn't so accidental on Danny's part. my friend is still sober enough to get us out of there before anyone catches Mexican chlamydia.

We drink more. We ditch danny. I start to lose my memory here.
 
line b

line b

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In Cancun the police run a racket where they catch tourists peeing in public and extort them in lieu of jail. My travel mate is caught peeing in public. We are surrounded by 6-8 cops. They tell us to go to an atm. We go. We look around and see they're about 100 yards away. Fuck it, we run. We find an enclosure outside of a hotel housing their a/c unit and other maintenance machines and climb the wall and hide in there. On the trip down I break one of the machines. Pedestrians on the sidewalk keep peering in as I'm purportedly being very loud. We leave the enclosure as we don't want to also be busted for destruction of private property. The cops see us climbing back over and chase us again. We are caught, hand cuffed, pressed face down into the back of the truck and taken to jail.
 
line b

line b

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I get to jail. Everyone is in there for public urination, around 6 people. Surprisingly only one other tourist. My friend starts yelling at the guards offering to pay us out of there. They let him go. He doesn't pay but they keep me for collateral. they realize they're not getting any money out of us if we're both trapped. He leaves the jail. He goes to an atm, it's not working. He goes to another atm, same deal. There's something wrong with his bank. He tries about 5 atms with no luck. He goes back to the hotel and starts cold calling ppl in the lobby asking for help. Zelle, the electronic bank wiring system, is down today, so he cannot wire anybody any cash to get us out. He continues to cold call people until he finds a mysterious man named Raffi.

'Are you Jewish brother?'
'Not practicing, but ethnically'
'Come with me'

Raffi takes my friend to his hotel room. He starts to conduct a bar mitzvah for my friend. He puts a yamaca on his head, he has him recite the Torah. At the end he fronts him 850 dollars. My newly mitzvah'd friend returns to the jail with the money.
 
line b

line b

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Meanwhile, I am in jail. There's two other English speakers in there. We get along great. One is a former soccer player from Mexico City. He communicates with the guards for me. In the women's cell next to us is a Swedish girl. We trade life stories. We hold hands between the bars. She passes me a piece of styrofoam cup with her number and instagram carved into it with her nail. I sleep maybe 3 hours on the floor
 
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line b

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I wake up at 8am. The toilet does not work and the place reeks of old piss. A cop comes out and starts to fill an oil barrel full of water with a hose, reasons why are unclear. The cops leave for about an hour and the barrel over flows and I watch as half the lobby slowly gets flooded. I begin to assume something awful has happened to my friend and I am alone. I start to yell at the guards offering to pay. They make fun of me. At 11pm my friend arrives. I leave jail.
 
line b

line b

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we return to the hotel. I throw up. I figure it's from the hangover. For the next hour I throw up every 15 minutes. It's clear this is something more than a hangover. Once I start to puke pure vile my body begins to have this specific type of full body muscle spasm. It's a condition that is I guess unique to me and has happened a few time before. the spasms present as my hands arms and legs curling up into my chest and becoming petrified there. Grown men will take both arms to try and spread me apart again but I'm coonpmetely immovable. I'm laying paralyzed on the bathroom floor. I have to call my ex wife as she is the only one familiar with this condition and I am not in a state to explain myself to the doctor that is called up to the hotel room. She's left on speaker as she talks to the doctor. The doctor gives me a shot in the ass to stop the vomiting. I go to an urgent care
 
shakahislop

shakahislop

Well-known member
line b said:
In Mexico/cancun you can buy controlled substances from farmacias if you find the right one. We go the 'hotel zone' and troll the street for an hour until we eventually find a place that sells us Xanax and adderal. We take an adderall. Off to the heart of the hotel zone- Congo bongo.
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i've been here its a particular version of hell like the khao san road but only for americans
 
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