looks like Will Self is ripping off Martin today
"am I the only person who thinks it might, just might, be considered a portent of catastrophe 'n' doom to have a whale kick the bucket in your capital city? Imagine, for a second, that our most venerated city columnists actually did something useful and documented London life ((instead of trying to score sex through schadenfreude)), and bequeathed a wond'rous stack of archives to future generations. '21/01/06. A WHALE EXPIRED ON THE APPROACH TO SHADWELL. AND IN EAST LONDON, A COAT WAS ARRESTED.' See, it's not difficult. Ain't exactly Thomas Pynchon, you dig?"
"Call me Ishmael, but I realised at once that it was all up for the poor cetacean. When a prodigy of nature like this occurs in an ancient city such as ours, it can only be interpreted as an omen...Obviously the mini-Moby's miserable, shocked, breathless demise was a preview of our own."