The oo-er missus thread

M

martin

----
Do we have to link to articles? Someone at work couldn't open a server folder last week, and said "I can't get it up", which provoked a bit of a laugh
 
Mr. Tea

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
A friend of mine was telling me once about this time she'd been ill and had "had this swollen gland in the back of [her] throat", to which I had no choice but to ask "Oh yeah, and whose was that, then?". A bit obvious really, but I couldn't let it pass without comment...
 
STN

STN

sou'wester
Nah, you don't have to link to articles, anecdotes are fine.

If you're terribly bored, go and look at the Oxford Dictionary of Style - on page 130, the second example of how to use question marks would make even the most hardened (ack! ack!) puritan chortle.
 
Mr. Tea

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
Speaking of puritans, there's a bit in the Neal Stephenson book I'm reading at the moment where one of the characters, who is himself a Puritan (in the literal sense) but also an advisor to King Charles II, has been made Count Penistone by the king, simply because it amused him to force this guy to write the word 'penis' every time he signs his name.
 
M

martin

----
Mr. Tea said:
Speaking of puritans, there's a bit in the Neal Stephenson book I'm reading at the moment where one of the characters, who is himself a Puritan (in the literal sense) but also an advisor to King Charles II, has been made Count Penistone by the king, simply because it amused him to force this guy to write the word 'penis' every time he signs his name.
Click to expand...

That was the thing about CeCe Peniston, wasn't it? Career doomed from the offset. You'd think they'd have changed her name to Montana or something.
 
IdleRich

IdleRich

IdleRich
"That was the thing about CeCe Peniston, wasn't it?"
Click to expand...
Yeah, saw a whole stack of her cds in HMV once and someone had deliberately(?) attached the bar code sticker so that it covered the "ton" bit on every single one.
 
G

Gabba Flamenco Crossover

High Sierra Skullfuck
I was once doing a very boring filing job with this girl I worked with, which involved going through a pile of random invoices and putting them in alphabetical order. She announced one day that 'I've done all the E's I can find', to which I replied, 'I thought you were looking agitated'. She got called Leah Betts for a few months after that which pissed her off a bit I think.

But the best one was something a collegue of mine said when we were working in a fairly upmarket furniture shop. By accident, they had put two identical wardrobes on the shopfloor with different prices on. A well-to-do female customer came up to him and asked him why this was, and he said, 'The more expensive one is a gateway to a fantasy kingdom held in a perpetual winter by an evil white witch, madam, whereas the cheaper one is just a normal wardrobe'. He got sacked a few weeks after that.
 
STN

STN

sou'wester
A mate of mine was pulled up before the beak (wrongly and he was let off) for (among other things) threatening a barmaid with a syringe. Loads of people went to represent for him at the Crown Court and were justly rewarded when a barrister asked him why he had a syringe on him - the defendant explained that he was diabetic and the syringe was necessary equipment for injecting himself with insulin. This information was met with the following query: "is it usual for you to get your equipment out and wave it at young women in a threatening manner?".

Matron!
 
G

Gabba Flamenco Crossover

High Sierra Skullfuck
I just remembered another good one. This was at a free party where there was a crusty mongrel dog with a missing leg running around annoying people. My friend got asked by a girl he didn't know, "Why don't you shoot that three-legged dog?" - he replied, without missing a beat, "Is that a euphemism for masturbation?". We pissed ourselves laughing and she went off looking confused.
 
T

turtles

in the sea
From here:
US special forces snatch squads are on standby to seize or disable Pakistan's nuclear arsenal in the event of a collapse of government authority or the outbreak of civil war following the assassination of Benazir Bhutto.
Click to expand...
"Snatch squads"?? damn US army has their fingers in everything. :eek:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top