Ban Airplanes

Woebot

Woebot

Well-known member
i have everything about planes - from the stress of hurtling through the air at hundreds of miles an hour - to the midden that are airports - to the hours it takes to get on and off the f***ing things - right down to the totally stupid cost to the environment.

one day i will take the cunard to new york - apparently it is still running.
 
M

martin

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Woebot said:
i have everything about planes - from the stress of hurtling through the air at hundreds of miles an hour
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I think this is the fun part; it's just a shame you so often have to do it confined with people who don't know how to party. BA have turned the whole ritual into some adult baby detention session, curse them.

Woebot said:
to the midden that are airports
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I remember back in the 90s, someone attempting to do a psychogeographical series on airports. Unsurprisingly, they gave up. But I quite like Dubai Airport, it's like a tacky mega mall, with all these Emirates hostesses sitting around in the smoking room and arabs trying to blag a drink in the Irish theme bar (probably can't smoke there now).

Woebot said:
to the hours it takes to get on and off the f***ing things
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Yeah, this is disgusting. I'd rather take my chances with a terrorist smuggling in an explosive bottle of Evian than go through all those pointless, illogical checks. You even have to take your fucking shoes off now; watch your boots rolling through a curtain, while a load of socked travellers mill around and block the body scanner. And I always get pulled aside for a go on the super-probing pyramid x-ray thing, always.

Also, people who push their trolleys right to the edge of the conveyor belt at baggage reclaim should be hung. Talk about tactical. Nobody can get through and you have to watch old dads straining over their trolleys, trying to grab some gargantuan Head bag, before scuffing their neighbour's ankles as the trolley fleet lurches from side to side. Barbarians.

I also hate that whole taxi-ing shit. Just land and drive the fucking plane to the door, stop dawdling about. You know how the lights go on in the cabin, and everyone on the outer row stands up - and the person in the middle kind of half stands / squats, with their heads jammed against the aircon? Stuff like that makes me lose faith in humanity. Mankind will never prevail.

Woebot said:
right down to the totally stupid cost to the environment
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Yeah, but insert standard 2007 argument about Islington liberal do-gooders attacking the working man's right to go to Turkey, etc etc.
 
haji

haji

lala
martin said:
I remember back in the 90s, someone attempting to do a psychogeographical series on airports.
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I worked for a few years in LHR in the 90's and it was clear that airports were the prototype for the future - cheap plastic architecture, unnecessary ineffective overzealous and unregulated security paranoia, scalping corporate chains preying on disorientated punters on forced marches, secret underground detention centres,
and lo, it has come to pass :(
(just about to get on a plane actually... i may report back later)
 
hint

hint

party record with a siren
Why is there a "Seafood Bar" in Gatwick? Who sits and eats lobster in a departure lounge? If you want to be a baller in that environment, you only need to splash out on a cheese sandwich and people will know that you have money to burn.

And those luxury car raffle things. Leave it out. I once saw a little boy run up and snap the wing mirror off a Ferrari on one of those stands. That was amusing.

Buy the Daily Telegraph and you get a bottle of water free! You can't just buy a bottle of water - the staff will pressure you instead to buy the Daily Telegraph because it's cheaper. The result - loads of bewildered thirsty people wandering around with unwanted copies of the Telegraph.
 
HMGovt’s Glorious Return!

HMGovt’s Glorious Return!

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Of course, cruise liners have no disadvantages.

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grizzleb

grizzleb

Well-known member
The actual process of flying is such a disorientating experience for starters. There isn't much to suggest that you are flying quickly through the air at all as opposed to sitting in a metal cocoon, gestating and growing for 20 hours until you spring open on the other side of the planet, bewildered, dazed, grumpy and uncomfortable.
It's like a bizzare form of teleportation or something. It's disgusting anyway. Walking is the ultimate form of transport, but if I have to move faster than 4 miles an hour I'd much rather see that I'm moving past objects (i.e by train, car or boat) instead of just floating in a void, where travel is an abstraction and space just a figment...
 
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nomos

nomos

Administrator
there's no practical way to get around canada without them, unfortunately: 16 hour car ride through forest to see my parents (in the same province!); 5 or so days on the train to get to the west coast from here. i loved flying in the 80s/early-90s but i grew up and they systematically destroyed whatever was nice about it for all but the rich (now with their 1st class bed-chairs and isolation pods). last year i saw a flight attendant sprint down the aisle - terror in her eyes, you'd think someone had pulled a gun - and almost tackle some poor pleb who breached the 1st class curtain looking for the bathroom. sounds better than ryanair at least.

of all countries, canada should have high speed trains (not least because bombardier builds them here), but no politicians have the nerve to commit. during the crash i was hoping they'd let GM fail and put the money into rail. of course they didn't.
 
Mr. Tea

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
Oh dear god...Ryanair...cuntscuntscuntscuntscunts.

Unfortunately the only airline that flies anywhere near where my parents live. Heading over to see them next week. Bastards. (Ryanair, not my parents - though they are ultimately responsible the situation.)
 
M

martin

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hint said:
Why is there a "Seafood Bar" in Gatwick? Who sits and eats lobster in a departure lounge?
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Yeah, I never got that either. Mind you, it's probably more fun than sitting at a 'pub' table covered in salt, bits of bacon rind, half-eaten chips and scrunched up napkins...
 
Woebot

Woebot

Well-known member
and why do Stelios and Michael O'Leary think they're such fucking great adverts as people? unbelievable.
 
M

martin

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The best airline in the world is Singapore Airways. I can't hype them enough; the seats are comfy, they give you as much drink as you want and they're not allergic to a bit of fun. The worst is BA, absolute fucking wankers. Cyprus Airways is OK, nothing special. Air Malta has really fit cabin staff and good wine, and not a lot else. Thai Airways is cool and has great seats. Euroflot is either a) East Europeans getting wasted, making a noise and walking around while the plane's descending b) like sitting in a Group 4 van for 4 hours. Lufthansa and KLM are pretty average, not as robo-nazi as BA but a bit too anal about people running up and down the aisles. Emirates is like being plugged into a torture machine for 8 hours and having a bike saddle rammed up your arse. Virgin's pretty chaotic, so you can have a laugh seat-swapping, though the hostesses have been bullied into questioning you if you ask for more than 4 bloody marys. Easyjet should always be referred to as Sleazyjet, and everybody should ask for a sexual favour when the trolley with the £4 toasties and lottery tickets comes around.
 
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