Who else can use your phone?

[Mr. Tea]

Me IRL:

 

[Clinamenic]

I bet Tea has some serious species envy.

 

[Mr. Tea]

I bet Tea has some serious species envy.

My mushroom game has been unimpeachable this year.

 

[william_kent]

I was on my way home today when I bumped into one of my neighbours who was famously in the local paper due to her biting off the nose of the woman in front of her in a queue in ASDA, "you've got a pretty face, how'd it look without a nose!?"

and she had tried every phone box in the vicinity but they were "full of piss and shit" and "not working" and she needed to call her "boyfriend, he's a doctor, he's driving over from Liverpool" so i actually let her use my phone...because....

 

[Mr. Tea]

I was on my way home today when I bumped into one of my neighbours who was famously in the local paper due to her biting off the nose of the woman in front of her in a queue in ASDA, "you've got a pretty face, how'd it look without a nose!?"

and she had tried every phone box in the vicinity but they were "full of piss and shit" and "not working" and she needed to call her "boyfriend, he's a doctor, he's driving over from Liverpool" so i actually let her use my phone...because....

Do you live in one of Hell's outer suburbs or something?

 

[sufi]

@catalog why wouldnt you let @luka look at yr phone?

@luka what would you do if you got yr hands on @catalog's phone?

 

[luka]

All sorts of mischief

 

[luka]

I'd rub it on my balls first of all so when he puts it to his face hes basically got his face on my ball sack and also I'd order weird sex products from Amazon so he gets pegged as a pervert by his postman then I'd post things on dissensus in his name like eg craner can I photograph you naked for an art project please then I'd answer those ads on youtube asking for help money laundering

 

[version]

I'd rub it on my balls first of all so when he puts it to his face hes basically got his face on my ball sack and also I'd order weird sex products from Amazon so he gets pegged as a pervert by his postman then I'd post things on dissensus in his name like eg craner can I photograph you naked for an art project please then I'd answer those ads on youtube asking for help money laundering

You need referring to Prevent.

 

[luka]

You need referring to Prevent.

Says the man who made his best mate fellate his mums vibrator

 

[version]

Says the man who made his best mate fellate his mums vibrator

This willful vandalism of the public record only strengthens the case against you.

 

[version]

Corpsey's phone's a sticky Lovecraftian object at this point. A glistening bonsai potato.

 

[luka]

A glistening bukkake potato

 

[sufi]

I'd rub it on my balls first of all so when he puts it to his face hes basically got his face on my ball sack and also I'd order weird sex products from Amazon so he gets pegged as a pervert by his postman then I'd post things on dissensus in his name like eg craner can I photograph you naked for an art project please then I'd answer those ads on youtube asking for help money laundering

you would phone his mum, say "mrs catalogue, i have your son's phone, pop the kettle on, i'll drop it round" then show up eat all the biscuits and she would say "catalog i met your friend he was such a lovely polite young fellow"

 

[Clinamenic]

Corpsey's phone's a sticky Lovecraftian object at this point. A glistening bonsai potato.

Really top-notch post, this.

 

[Clinamenic]

The imagery is at once transfixing and disgusting.