Worst Pop Raps

[Canada J Soup]

That Madonna rap is irredeemably awful and completely inexcusable in this day and age, but the Blondie one has never bothered me too much. I reckon it still works somehow despite its obvious shortcomings. Weren't a lot rhymes simplistic and lacking in flow back in the early days anyway? 'The Message' has lines that few people would get away with anymore ("You say I’m cool, I’m no fool / But then you wind up dropping out of high school").

The only pop raps that really bother me are the ones that ruin otherwise great tunes. The bit in A.R. Kane's 'Love From Outer Space' where something approximating the following lines comes in actually depresses me:

She comes arriving via space express
She's the girl in the star struck dress
(something something something) guess
I just can't wait for her caress
She comes from the milky way
She's come to earth on my birthday

Then of course there are obvious candidates like 'Rat Rappin' and 'Snot Rap', which are probably better forgotten.

 

[Buick6]

ALot of the Limey attempts a rapping are totally fookin awful..For instance 'the stutter rap' and Robbie Williams is pretty terrible and Lenny Henry should be punched when he tries to rap..

But Mark E smith is the best Limey rapper ever followed by Sean Ryder. Limeys are good at rapping when they have totaly disregard for the queens good Engerlisch.

 

[Canada J Soup]

Having listened to A.R. Kane all the way home from work, I've just realized that quite a lot of their lyrics require a degree of forgiveness. It's just not as noticeable when they're sung.

 

[AshRa]

Too many sounds irritate my earholes
Like Planet Rock beats from L.A. hoes
The same old thing same ol shit I’m tired
Was once on the payroll about to be fired
Black radio shame, pop rap’s to blame
Program your playlist it’s sounds the same
With a disco tempo, cliche intro
Wack rap tracks for commercial shows


I can't honestly think of anything worse than Madonna's "Mini Cooper / Super Duper" but it's probably just because it's Madonna rapping. It reminds me of Louis Theroux's attempts to make a dirty south rap record which was brilliant precisely because he wasn't Madonna. I think.

 

[adruu]

barenaked ladies...i can barely bring myself to type it

 

[droid]

Jesus wept! The live Madonna rap was on again over the weekend, and I just couldnt avert my ears...

 

[Diggedy Derek]

Gotta say, I'm quite partial to MC George Michael on early Wham records like Wham Rap and Bad Boys. His round, plummy tones aren't so different to the slightly camp rapping on early Sugarhill records.

Young guns having some fun. Brap!

 

[Logan Sama]

John Barnes is the greatest english rapper ever.

 

[don_quixote]

no shit, the john barnes rap brings me out in goosepimples and sends shivers down my spine.

 

[Landfill Elektronikz]

Gotta say, I'm quite partial to MC George Michael on early Wham records like Wham Rap and Bad Boys. His round, plummy tones aren't so different to the slightly camp rapping on early Sugarhill records.

Young guns having some fun. Brap!

Damn, beat me to it on that one, D.

What about 'Holiday rap' by Dutch euro-skum MC Miker 'G' & Deejay Sven?

That track was so dreadful it was positively intoxicating. Wish I could remember some of the lines...

 

[Diggedy Derek]

Actually, there's quite a lot of pop raps on those 808 radio sets MMS posted a link to. Good stuff, keeping it on and on to the break of dawn.

 

[qwerty south]

don't forget that chris stein from blondie (alongside fab 5 freddy) produced the beats for the rappers for the wild style film soundtrack

 

[Wrong]

Surprised no-one's mentioned Shampoo (who the new GA album sounds a lot like in places). Though I suppose this is a thread on the worst pop raps, rather than the really great ones, and Shampoo obviously fall into the latter category.

 

[minikomi]

maybe i'll try to put together a mix sometime of all the 50c hiphouse tracks i've been buying for samples haha.. some gems on there!

but heres my clever selection:cross-post-referential awful lyric boomshot selection:

paula abdul - opposites attract

great idea for a topic though!
that brittney spears lyric 'someone give me my truck so i can ride on the clouds' is wrong on so many levels (not only because it sounds like "somoene give me some drugs")


edit: hahahahahaha its way worse than i thought: britters' ill flow

 

[juanatg]

I got dragged to see Blondie in Nottingham the other day and the old fucks were all bugging out when Debbie did the rap in Rapture. I thought it was terrible on record, but hearing it live made me burst out into loud and uncontrollable laughter. My girlfriend and I left soon after, fearing a lynching was afoot at the hands of the middle aged woman wearing an embroidered cardigan who was standing in front of us.

So yeah. Worst rap ever.

 

[Canada J Soup]

What about 'Holiday rap' by Dutch euro-skum MC Miker 'G' & Deejay Sven?

That track was so dreadful it was positively intoxicating. Wish I could remember some of the lines...

Google provides...

Miker "G" rocks the house and you know what I'm saying
Now when he's on the mike there is no delaying.

So you better run to see him in your neighbourhood
He's rappin', rockin' all the way to Hollywood.

Hey check it out these are the words we say
You scream with us: we need a holiday!

We gonna ring-reng-a-dong for a holiday
Put your arms in the air and let me hear you say.

More here

 

[alo]

The only pop raps that really bother me are the ones that ruin otherwise great tunes.

I'm not sure this counts really, but that Pharcyde rhyme in the middle of Gorillaz' Dirty Harry always winds me up because its totally unecessary. I think Damon promised him a verse and didn't know where else to put it.
Hey, maybe in an otherwise good, subversive pop tune over a cringing sub-Shadow drum edit? Why not.

Otherwise, didn't the Spice Girls ever rap? Or that boyband with Noddy from Byker Grove in?

 

[vache]

Wasn't there that truly cringeworthy KRS-One rap from the first track on "Out of Time" by R.E.M.? Totally out of place...

 

[cooper]

Wasn't there that truly cringeworthy KRS-One rap from the first track on "Out of Time" by R.E.M. Totally out of place...

please allow me:
--
Check it out
What are you saying
What are you playing
Who are you obeying
Day out day in?
Baby, baby, baby, baby
That stuff is driving me crazy
Djs communicate to the masses
Sex and violent classes
Now our children grow up prisoners
All their lives radio listeners
--

i don't even have the heart to make the obvious hypocrisy jokes.

 

[ripley]

paula abdul - opposites attract

Oh MAN I had forgotten about that. Not just rapping, but rapping with an animated cat. horrific.

are we including novelty dance tunes? probably not - not really popular but a sort of result of popularity in other venues... but the cartoon cat (MC SKat Cat - who was it really?) made me think of umm.. ALF. His rap. I've seen the record, and heard it. And there's also a Ronald Reagan (impersonator) rap/dance tune. "Rappin' Ronnie"

Can't find the original, but here is the music-less version of the Alf rap ..... dubbed in German . actually I think I saw the ALF record in germany too.

sorry. It's exam time so naturally I'm wasting my time looking up Alf raps online.