BORROWING FROM MANCHESTER UNITED TO PAY MALCOLM
There are two ways of analysing Manchester United's current financial situation. You can go down the arduous route favoured by masochists like proper journalism's David Conn [
http://guardian.chtah.com/a/tBLTKw7AY30QpAe9jDFAoq7X0uY/fvr21: walking into old buildings and asking the nice old lady behind the counter to climb a very tall ladder, run her finger along the spine of several nondescript ledgers and bring you the particularly thick one full of very large numbers printed in red ink. Then studying it so hard you need to wear goggles and a crash helmet.
Or you can go down the less arduous route favoured by many Manchester United fans: walking to the nearest beach, finding a place where the ground underneath seems particularly soft, then bending over and submerging your head in the sand to the point where you can no longer see or hear anything that might disabuse you of the foolhardy notion that everything at your club is great.
That way you'll never find out that, despite winning Big Cup and Premier League x 3, selling Him to Them for £££££s and generating more than ££££££££s per annum in match-day revenue, one of the best-known football teams in the world only managed to turn a pre-tax profit of just £££££s last year and is saddled with more than £££££££££££££££££££s worth of debt, compared to the £ debt it had four years ago, shortly before a fat man from Florida decided that it might be a swell wheeze to buy a big English soccerball franchise with a big pile of £££££££££££££££s he didn't have.
Since then, the fat man from Florida and assorted members of his fat family have added insult to injury by helping themselves to ££££s in personal loans from the big pile of £££££££££££££££s they don't have; a pile of £££££££££££££££s that has grown considerably due to the prohibitive £££££££££s of vig that must be paid to the Shylock that loaned it. This is not to mention another £££££s in "management and administration fees", which optimists will argue would have been a lot higher if any of the management and administration it went towards paying for was in any way competent.
But all is not doom and gloom at Old Trafford. The fat man from Florida has announced his intention to help pay back ££££££££££££ of the £££££££££££££££s they don't have but owe to a Shylock, by borrowing another ££££££££££££ they don't have and will then owe to some other Shylock. If you're still a bit confused about how it works, here's renowned financial expert Dale Winton [
http://guardian.chtah.com/a/tBLTKw7AY30QpAe9jDFAoq7X0uY/fvr22] to explain all.
shit. god knows i loathe the cunts, but i want them to fail on the pitch, not thru asset stripping oportunists.