The press release hall of shame thread

[woops]

when i said to my German friends in LA that i want to move to Berlin and dj, they were all very negative, saying things like "there are so many djs in Berlin that you will never get any gigs as a no name outsider". and now I will be playing Fusion Fest, the biggest dance fest in Germany, 2 years in a roll. so yeah, i do have a nice dj cock and know how to use it, both on a big stage and in small dive bars.

 

[mos dan]

opening line of release:

Who - or what - is Mount Kimbie, really?

*stops reading*

 

[benw]

hahah is that from the album dan?? would of thort better of hotflush...

 

[tom lea]

its not hotflush, it's anorak who're doing the pr.

 

[slowtrain]

These have NOTHING on black metal press releases, here are a few i just found now ......for some reason they always make them pictures, dunno why.

There are some definite themes going on here.....

 

[slowtrain]

Oh! And the best one ever:

"Hello,
Sándor here, general manager of Aetherius Obscuritas, Hungary's most wanted, elite black metal band! (becoming even more popular than countymen Sear Bliss and Bornholm)! Our latest two, succesful albums were released by RARAGON RECORDS USA.
We are proud to say that the band playing live this summer, breaking with our traditions (originally playing only 1-2 shows/2 years, only on extremely special occasions) and the group is looking for festival bookings, and gigs, now.
The extreme and unique appearence (have you seen a black metal band with huge muscles?) also gives a plus to the performance!
Check out the official site and official myspace for audio! Please reply to info@arkhorrl.hu, because I am not checking this mail regularly,
and we need dates, etc. ASAP, because our schedule must be filled and updated
for the summer.

Hope to hear from you,

--
Sándor Magda
Management of Aetherius Obscuritas
www.arkhorrl.hu
www.myspace.com/aetheriusobscuritas
info@arkhorrl.hu
management@arkhorrl.hu

 

[Blackdown]

while it's not PR, i'm getting the same grating "arrgh god no! no!" feeling every time journos use the word "gear" to describe what is usually fairly generic house or techno...

*looks at fact mag*

 

[BareBones]

slowtrain, those are amazing.

 

[paolo]

Having press releases is neither necro nor kvlt

 

[tom lea]

have you seen a black metal band with huge muscles?

what a sentence!

 

[bassbeyondreason]

No promises, but tonight I may be able to pull up the "press release" I wrote for my first black metal demo when I was 16. I hope it's as hall of shame-worthy as I think.

 

[slowtrain]

what a sentence!

 

[Blackdown]

i get press releases sent to me from one "Leonard de Leonard," that in itself is worth a mention!

 

[michael]

How about any press release that involves the phrase "The mysterious producer who goes by the name of..."?

 

[IanTheM]

Oh man, I'm not sure if it's the right place, but Factmag's review of Drake's new album is the worst thing I've read in a while. "Who thought rap could be introspective?!?!?"

 

[nomos]

From some new dubstep night here

Wampa
( Bassdrive )
Wampa is a BC local shipped off to Montreal in search of ammunition for the war against music. Under the belief that songs were meant to wage battle against one another, Wampa prides himself in putting prime tunes in the arena to make war, not love. Wampa believes songs have to fight for the right to be heard, and must ''kill'' the previous track before allowing them to bring the mix forward. Holding a monthly spot at the notorious BassDrive Wednesdays, he brings forth the tracks, hand picked, and turns them into gladiators.

 

[Sectionfive]

he brings forth the tracks, hand picked, and turns them into gladiators.

That bits brilliant in fairness

 

[tom lea]

Oh man, I'm not sure if it's the right place, but Factmag's review of Drake's new album is the worst thing I've read in a while. "Who thought rap could be introspective?!?!?"

i think, in fairness to john, he's talking about artists with drake's commercial status - obviously thousands of hip-hop artists have been introspective before.

there's definitely something different about drake, the way he gets lost in his own words, the way he swears to make it mean something rather than just doing it to fill gaps. and i think he is going to cause a bit of a sea change in chart hip-hop.

i do think john gives too much credit to that kanye album in the review, because lil wayne's uncontrollable honestly- the way sometimes he often gives too much away- is probably just as big an influence as kanye. and the way drake is changing things is far less binary than him being introspective and everyone else not being so. maybe that could have been stated better in the review. but drake is definitely doing something different, and there's a reason that <i>everyone</i> has an opinion on the record. it's an important album, and the review's right to praise it as such.

 

[Fundamental]

Breton = musicians/filmmakers/remixers/
Breton began life in a warehouse somewhere in South East London. Born from the creative force of musicians and filmmakers Roman Rappak and Adam Ainger and expanded recently into a multi-instrumental and visual collective with the inclusion of Ian Patterson, Daniel McIlvenny and Alex Wadey. This year, the very limited and quickly snapped-up EP Practical floated between “eerie and carnival-esque. Combining elements of math-rock, post-rock, straight-up Electro and even tropical” – Abeano.com. The second E.P. in the trilogy, entitled Sharing Notes, follows on Monday 5th July. The physical copy of this E.P. will come mounted on a hand-made circuit board with a list of components and directions which, when followed, creates a fully workingsynth.

Breton are the glaring beacons of the mp3 generation; the generation of immediate access to music and visuals, where careers and genres spanning decades, cultures and the globe are spread wide open for the taking, downloading and mixing into billions of individual, eclectic and genre-defying playlists. With such light speed assimilation of influences -spanning from The Beach Boys to Minimal House, Dub-Step to David Bowie, Bjork to East Coast Hip-Hop and a noticeable chunk of Post-Punk, Breton create wholly individual songs, with the end result being a blasting, constantly evolving sonic assault.
Absorbing all, yet mixing it up into wholly individual songs building imposing razor sharp electronics, Post-Punk and Art-Rock that sounds like nothing else.

 

[KifNKin]

some of our questions about humanity will only be answered with time

Exciting New Band ALICE ROCK to RELEASE EP - 'Kill or Cure'

The quirky two piece from London are set to release an EP later this month, a move which is sure to transfix their ever growing army of fans as they continue to break down the barriers of the unsigned music scene.

ALICE ROCK, originally from Nottingham are preparing to release the EP later this month on their own indie label Rock Records UK. Currently self managed, self produced and unsigned, the EP 'Kill or Cure' is their third release and marks a significant advance for the band as they have striven to increase exposure via the launch of an epic new, self-developed music website in March.

The band consist of 'Alice and Tabby', a genuinely loveable girl-boy pair with an eccentric image and an orchestra's worth of musical ability. Similarly to previous releases, vocalist, multi-instrumentalist and song-writer Alice (real surname 'Rock') and drummer Tabby produced and recorded their latest record alone in their bedroom studio, pushing home recording to its limits.

The new EP captures the band's strikingly original and somewhat quirky sound that could be described as having the bubbling intensity of Greenday, the fun and uplifting rhythms of Blink 182, the originality and cheekiness of The B52s, and the musical sophistication of greats such as The Cure and The Beatles.

Lyrically, Alice displays a storytelling nature not unlike that of Lilly Allen. The words are gripping yet humorous as they cover topical issues such as the effect the Internet is having on society "I've got a life, and I can prove it to you on my social networking site" exclaims Alice as she amusingly mimics a cyber-addict who no longer dares to leave the house. Through both wit and anguish, her words cleverly raise fascinating questions about humanity that will only be answered with time.

It is impossible to ignore this exciting new band with their refreshing quirky sound, hilarious image, amusing yet topical lyrics and mesmorising passionate live act that has been seen and loved across the UK. The EP will be available from alice-rock.co.uk from 31st May onwards, availability will then increase to all major digital distributors throughout June.