How domesticated are you?

luka

Active member
Staff member
Do you tidy your room? Make the bed each morning? Eat proper meals at sensible times? Brush your teeth and comb your hair? Or strew dirty socks over the floor, smoke in bed and use old pot noodle cartons for ashtrays, wait till there's no clean crockery in the cupboard before attempting the dishes, eat Chinese takeaway in front of the telly.
 

luka

Active member
Staff member
I suppose this doesn't really apply to those of you who live with your mum and those of you who, by marrying, acquired a surrogate mum.
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
Yeah that's me... but it has rubbed off on me, to the extent that when she is away I can maintain at a level which to me is good (though which won't pass when she gets back obviously). At the moment she has gone to Russia for a couple of weeks and I AM still making the bed when I get up in the afternoon, I'm keeping the place relatively tidy and I am eating the food we froze before she left or which I cook myself at times which are roughly acceptable (though late) and recognisable as attempts at normal meal times. I just changed the water on the air conditioning unit and used it to water the plants... admittedly on her email prompt.
Thing is, it is a good way to be. I was thinking when I was reading that Mindfulness thread how much of an advantage it is to wake up to a tidy house every day, to have food in the fridge and a neat pile of bills to pay in good time and so on. Once you're on top of it it's pretty easy to stay that way, but one after party or long bender with loads of spillages can feel like it fucks it up... but it's not too bad cos the basics are all there. But I'd never have got on top of it if it wasn't for her - and other girlfriends doing the ground work too. When I was younger I lived in some crazy shitholes - there was one where the toilet was blocked for weeks and we had to use the pub down the road, one where the only light we could get in the kitchen was by opening the fridge, someone set fire to the curtains at a party, smashed in a door, sink filled with plates all stuck together for months on end, door keys lost so we had to climb in via neighbours' balconies (or in one case break the door down ourselves and then pretend we'd been burgled).... and so on and so forth. Much better now. Was at an after club party the other day and I was thinking "How can these guys put up with this?" and then I though "Wait it was a million times worse in my house for years on end" - you just grow up don't you. If you can.
 

luka

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Staff member
Having a reasonably tidy house and being on top of what needs to be done is hugely important for my sense of well being and I start to feel more and more desperate during those times I let it slip (always due to drink which makes absolutely everything impossible.) it's an index of sanity.
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
Yeah, reasonably is it. It can't be one of those places where people are tidying up stuff while you're using it, that's just fucking mental. Too much in the wrong direction. But I think on the spectrum most people could do with moving more towards the tidy end than otherwise.
 

john eden

male pale and stale
I have OCD and keep everything immaculate. Actual OCD, not the silly self-diagnosed one where you prefer not to wear odd socks. I used to wash my hands until they split, I've had to have the volume settings on everything on even numbers and all sorts. It drives me mad and it's how I had the patience to do something like manually delete a few hundred posts I made a while back.
Sorry to hear that. It sounds like you are generally managing it ok though?
 

luka

Active member
Staff member
If you have had a surrogate mum for an extended period of time something you might find happening is, like Rich, you make the bed even when she's not there and it's not because you're broken it's because you've had about ten years of not making it every time she goes away on the assumption it's what you really want. After about ten years it dawns on you that it's not what you really want after all. It was just a reaction against what you experienced as compulsion. I think this dynamic is pertinent to today's political situation.
 

luka

Active member
Staff member
Cheers. I'm better than I was but it comes and goes, just something I have to chip away at. It does mean that I'm incredibly tidy though.
Yeah was going to say, at least it helps keep the house clean
 

luka

Active member
Staff member
If you have had a surrogate mum for an extended period of time something you might find happening is, like Rich, you make the bed even when she's not there and it's not because you're broken it's because you've had about ten years of not making it every time she goes away on the assumption it's what you really want. After about ten years it dawns on you that it's not what you really want after all. It was just a reaction against what you experienced as compulsion. I think this dynamic is pertinent to today's political situation.
I also think this dynamic plays a part in people extending their bad habits way past their natyral shelf life as a way to feel a measure of independence and autonomy has been retained.
 

luka

Active member
Staff member
Instead of having this externalised superego nag you gradually internalise it and own it and eat your broccoli willingly.
 

luka

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Staff member
As children we learn all these passive modes of resistance to struggle against parental authority eg dawdling to sabotage their schedule but it seems to take a lifetime to unlearn them
 

luka

Active member
Staff member
I've said this before I know but I think one of the most dangerous things about being in a couple is how certain things are claimed by, or forced onto one or other party she's the responsible one he's the spontaneous one and both are mutilated as a result, half a person
 

yyaldrin

in je ogen waait de wind
i'm not so good at this. i even like it a bit messy. the problem is that at one point everything comes to a halt, you can't work anymore, you can't do something simple as paying a bill, things pile up, until you can't go to the toilet anymore in the night without breaking your legs because everything is scattered around on the floor.
 

version

Who loves ya, baby?
Some of my mates used to live together in a flat that was complete chaos. It got to the point where you couldn't go into the kitchen because they'd left the sink full of vomit and unwashed dishes from a party a couple of months prior, the entire floor was crushed beer cans in most of the rooms, blood on the walls and all sorts. They ended up being booted out.
 

luka

Active member
Staff member
i'm not so good at this. i even like it a bit messy. the problem is that at one point everything comes to a halt, you can't work anymore, you can't do something simple as paying a bill, things pile up, until you can't go to the toilet anymore in the night without breaking your legs because everything is scattered around on the floor.
Yeah I get pissed off with myself when I've let it get to the point that there are no clear pathways throufh the flat and I'm weaving around things, hopping, skipping, swaying. It's a downer. You need clear direct pathways free of all obstruction
 

martin

----
Cleaning up is boring but if you can't get motivated, watch "The Hunt For Britain's Paedophiles". EVERY child-bender they arrest lives in a complete shithole - beer cans and empty pot noodles all over the carpet, garbage in the bathtub, kitchens piled up with stained shopping bags, ferrets (procured to infilitrate the local kids' ferret club) pissing all over the sofa, etc. You don't want the cops coming round to your pigsty and wondering what's on your hard drive.

Ironing is obviously taking things too far, but it could be the case that messiness past the age of 21 is a strong indicator of noncery, like enjoying Dr Who. Join the KonMari cult...make a mate of Toilet Duck.
 

baboon2004

Darned cockwombles.
I've said this before I know but I think one of the most dangerous things about being in a couple is how certain things are claimed by, or forced onto one or other party she's the responsible one he's the spontaneous one and both are mutilated as a result, half a person
Definitely true, but this kind of projection/splitting is also present in any relationship between people, including friendships. Responsible for a very high percentage of nasty arguments, I'd wager. Unless it's ruthlessly cut out.
 
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