Actioning a blue-skies approach outside the box

Slothrop

Tight but Polite
I'll stand up for 'touch base', actually. It's a stupid phrase (and I always have to be careful not to say 'touch cloth' instead by mistake) but it describes something that I have to do quite regularly for which there's no other simple expression, ie go and have a chat with someone without any specific information to give or get but to make sure that you're both basically happy and in agreement with how things are going on some project for which you're both partially responsible, and that there aren't any lurking issues in the offing...

Generally, though, all this jargon is just another slang, isn't it? It seperates the insiders who can speak it from the interlopers who have to try to fake it.
 

Mr. Tea

Shub-Niggurath, Please
"ProActive" sounds like it should be some kind of energy bar or drink, marketed by an obnoxiously clean-cut sports 'personality'.

I'll stand up for 'touch base', actually. It's a stupid phrase (and I always have to be careful not to say 'touch cloth' instead by mistake) but it describes something that I have to do quite regularly for which there's no other simple expression, ie go and have a chat with someone without any specific information to give or get but to make sure that you're both basically happy and in agreement with how things are going on some project for which you're both partially responsible, and that there aren't any lurking issues in the offing...
I think 'keep in touch' is fine for this - but here, that gets shortened to 'KIT'. Think of the seconds - literal SECONDS! - you could save in a year by saying and typing 'KIT' instead of 'keep in touch'! :mad:
 
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BareBones

wheezy
one of my friends works in marketing and she once told me that her boss said "let's hoist this idea up the flagpole and see if it flies". ugh. who comes up with these phrases, and how do they circulate into general usage? i refuse to believe people are taught this at university marketing courses.

edit: i see john already beat me to it with the flagpole one
 
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Dr Awesome

Techsteppin'
I just heard a guy here say "clear as mud" to mean "very clear".
That's a reasonably common saying Mr. Tea.
I read an interesting book about the most hedious wesel words and non-non-nonsensical sentences you could ever image. Full page quotes from corporate companies marking teams. Hideous stuff, although the book was focused on Australian politicians which made it a little hard to follow.

Makes me shudder just thinking about it.
 

Mr. Tea

Shub-Niggurath, Please
That's a reasonably common saying Mr. Tea.
How do you mean? I know "clear as mud" is a common saying, but it means "not clear at all" (mud being notoriously unclear, at least in my neck of the woods). Or do you mean that the misuse of the phrase is common? I've heard of it being mangled in this way before - my brother told me he once had a famously dense boss who used to say things like that - but I'd have hoped it's not 'common', as such. That'd just be depressing.

I've bitched on here before about Americans who say "I could care less" to mean "I could NOT care less". The fuck is that all about? It's not like it's a syntactically challenging sentence!
 

alex

Do not read this.
yea I hate it when american's say that, also, when people say, 'i can't be asked' you what? it's arsed you moron. (well i think it is, i can't be asked doesnt make sense?)

Yea 'as clear as mud' definitely means not clear atall, why anyone would say it to mean 'yes that's clear' is beyond me, unless they are trying to be funny, which isn't atall funny.
 
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nomos

Administrator
I've bitched on here before about Americans who say "I could care less" to mean "I could NOT care less". The fuck is that all about? It's not like it's a syntactically challenging sentence!
"I'm going down the pub" :p

Surely some monetizing synergies can be extracted from this thread, if we're being pro-active that is.
 
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Sick Boy

All about pride and egos
Without office jargon the jobs of many middle-managers look ridiculous, redundant and certainly not worth the higher income they get paid. I have one manager right now, this pathetic try-hard with a obnoxiously loud and bleating nervous laugh, who speaks entirely in business-speak all of the time. I don't think it's a coincidence that his job seems to consist entirely in describing other peoples' jobs to them in terms they don't understand so that it appears that he is organizing them - despite not really doing anything himself.

Just the other week he held an hour long meeting to introduce a "database that will incentivize a two-deep initiative so we can be on the ball with deliverables and improve DR strategy." Turns out what he meant was: "I've spent hours with the IT guy making a spreadsheet to show you that when someone is off sick, someone needs to cover for them so we can still get work done." How insightful.

It took every ounce of strength in my body not to rase my hand and ask the most obvious question: "In terms of DR, can you communicate a strategy for maintaining office productivity in cases where the entire office is having an hour long meeting on how to prevent work not being done?"
 

Sick Boy

All about pride and egos
This all being said, the other half of the year I spend at university where there is no less a presence of this kind of language, just different words.
 

Mr. Tea

Shub-Niggurath, Please
If Sick Boy were to go on a workplace/campus killing spree (and I'm not saying he should, mind, just if he were to) I think this thread is all the evidence that would be needed to fully exonerate him.
 

STN

sou'wester
Maybe this belongs on the "does my head in" thread, but these gripes are office related:

1. Outlook read receipts. Go away.
2. Sending every message with high importance: a former colleague of mine used to do this, which meant that when she had to announce the horrific events of 7/7, this dreaful terrorist attack was, according to her Outlook, on a par with the sandwich seller having come to the foyer that morning or someone not washing up their mug.
 
D

droid

Guest
I had a client who would always do this. She'd send her mails at highest priority, Id set them to normal and reply, and she'd reset to highest and send them back.

In the end I started setting my replies to lowest priority and taking an extra day to reply.
 

mrfaucet

The Ideas Train
Mr Tea, that 'ideas train to target city' one was fantastic. I agree that you are too good at this. Have you considered taking Nomos's suggestion and attempt to make some money out of your ability? You could write books and conduct courses, all of which I'm sure would be highly lucrative.
 

Sick Boy

All about pride and egos
I wouldn't even be a little bit surprised if Tea had actually heard someone he worked with use that phrase seriously. It gets that bad.

My previously mentioned follicly-challenged manager also has a habit of insisting that you "flip" him rather than "send" him e-mails.
 

grizzleb

New member
It's kind of a needless formalisation so that people are all commiting themselves to their daft pointless middle management roles through jargonised use of language. Makes people feel important. It's like a uniform made of words. If people said what they actually meant then there would be the air of an office being a normal place and not the mighty 'work'. Got to have people on their toes all the time, eh?
 

you

Active member
I have to put up with a lot of this nonsense, I have in the past sent spoof emails of utter biz-speak....not sure if people knew it was a joke or not.

re the account ( pronounced wree not R.E. )

ping me an email

estate wide ( for a bloody website function????? )

moving forwards ( a classic.......moving forwards, I like it because it's so so stupidly linear, there is only the target ahead. )

functionality ( to describe absolutely anything )

action ( a substitute for 'do' )
 

baboon2004

Darned cockwombles.
'Leveraging' is horrific. 'Stakeholders' can be disgustingly employed.

What would happen if football cliches and business cliches ever met? Would Chelsea be harvesting West Brom's low hanging fruit early doors?
 
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