TROLLS TROLLING TROLLS

[luka]

I love trolling. A lot of neutral observers would call me one of the greatest trolls of the twitter era.

I read two guardian articles on trolling today. A good onehttp://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2012/nov/09/confessions-of-an-internet-troll
And then this http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/apr/13/troll-pickup-artist-online-internet
Which I don't even believe is genuine. No human male is that pathetic. It must be some sort of wounded bird pick.up routine

 

[luka]

The guardian hates trolls cos they don't like it when you answer back

 

[luka]

They actually think they have that role cos they are smarter than you, they actually think they deserve it

 

[luka]

Can live with people not enjoying my 'poetry' but very wounded that my work on twitter never got the attention it deserved cos I done a lot with that medium
I think I was a twitter genius tbh

 

[luka]

Like when I make that clay model of a man with a giant cock having a wank and kept sending it to dan snow. Fucking hell that was well funny

 

[luka]

Or that time I goaded newt gingrich into making a major policy speech abt building a permanent moon base

 

[luka]

Or what abt when I done that shit in pizza express and took a picture of it and tweeted it to pizza express hq like look at this shit I just done in your restaurant lool well funny

 

[vimothy]

The guardian hates trolls cos they don't like it when you answer back

Their idea of trolls is the scumbags who are ruining the internet for the rest of us, by being mean and unreasonable.

It's interesting that so-called "pickup artists" are such hate figures as well.

 

[Mr. Tea]

The concept of trolling has been sadly much debased. It's misused these days to describe what is rightly called flaming - single-entendre insults, death/rape threats - whereas is actually means, or used to mean, pisstakery by dissimulation.

Chris Morris is a troll. Jeremy Clarkson is not.

 

[Mr. Tea]

...he loves Swedish women because they always drop their pants at the drop of a hat and don’t expect you to spend a penny on them.

The kinky ones might, lololol.

 

[luka]

Turns out Sam wolfson is a good illustration of what I was going on abt with vice UK and how it is just a nursery for nice guardian writers

 

[luka]

Practice your chops and rehearse your basic opinions at vice then send your cv to the guardian

 

[vimothy]

If Vice is converging on the Guardian, the Guardian is also converging on Vice.

 

[vimothy]

(Actually, the Guardian appears to converging on Buzzfeed.)

 

[HMGovt’s Glorious Return!]

Online, as in real life, I am adept at deploying the Stone Cold Troll, where I go all straight face and then convince the victim(s) that something is true (WHICH IS NOT TRUE) by perfectly superposing the totally implausible and the actual.

For example, convincing idiots that our most powerful telescopes can already detect traffic congestion on alien worlds; that Ebola is a form of whooping cough; that ingrown toenails develop when someone else's stray clipping works its way into your foot.

I reckon I could Stone Cold Troll you or anyone into credulous bafflement. It gives me no gratification at all, I do it to puff some air into your crumpled milk carton conception of reality. I sometimes work for the government doing this, hence my name here.

 

[Mr. Tea]

Online, as in real life, I am adept at deploying the Stone Cold Troll, where I go all straight face and then convince the victim(s) that something is true (WHICH IS NOT TRUE) by perfectly superposing the totally implausible and the actual.

For example, convincing idiots that our most powerful telescopes can already detect traffic congestion on alien worlds; that Ebola is a form of whooping cough; that ingrown toenails develop when someone else's stray clipping works its way into your foot.

I reckon I could Stone Cold Troll you or anyone into credulous bafflement. It gives me no gratification at all, I do it to puff some air into your crumpled milk carton conception of reality. I sometimes work for the government doing this, hence my name here.

BACK TO WORK, UNDERLING.

Best,

Rob Hannigan.

 

[HMGovt’s Glorious Return!]

BACK TO WORK, UNDERLING.

Best,

Rob Hannigan.

Gold top milk is so very yellow and creamy because it is allowed a higher percentage of pus from mastitis infected udders than regular full fat. Indeed, some dairy farmers actively pour jugs of pus collected from their herd's udder lesions into selected tanks of milk to increase its value. We're all being trolled by the dairies, lads.

 

[Mr. Tea]

Gold top milk is so very yellow and creamy because it is allowed a higher percentage of pus from mastitis infected udders than regular full fat. Indeed, some dairy farmers actively pour jugs of pus collected from their herd's udder lesions into selected tanks of milk to increase its value. We're all being trolled by the dairies, lads.

A man in California was once shot dead without warning by a police marksman because he'd been seen smoking upwind of a school.

 

[luka]

Couldn't get anyone to go pub with me today so maybe might get beers in and fuck about on twitter again

 

[Mr. Tea]

"Having to wash a pair of jeans is nothing compared to rape"

Classic trolling in which it's all but impossible to distinguish the troll from the trolled. For all I know, I might have been trolled by thinking anyone was genuinely trolled by this. But then, it's entirely plausible that it happened...