in 2014 me and @Mr. Tea
and one of our crossdressing professional assassin boys rocked up to leeds uni. someone was encroaching on our territory, you see, and we had to ensure that we could sell the latest batch of dutch UPS thingies at an inflated price. Now I do not know if you've ever read of the epping forrest country club or the whole rottendon embroglio, but we know that kind of crude Essex bizniz weren't going to lick the wood amongst genteel leeds townfolk, and would only make the situation worse for us, not to mention landing us in serious, serious trouble. Moronic criminality, in other words, only fit for blockheads.
We scrupulously engineered such a situation where we could expose this public school weirdo's 200 gb of furry porn to his girlfriend. you must understand that amongst British sleazebags, the harder you are, the more attractive proposition you shall be. Fail to fulfill this obligation, and all the contacts your family have spent procuring for 800 years will evaporate like a flame into the vast vast milkyway. A completely bloodness and victimless coup, in other words. Not a single hair would be hurt, and ms. warrington-melvin-smythe would decamp to greener pastures. All was going according to plan, the liqur was flowing with practised aplomb, we'd hoodwinked these boys into what is called a merger, which basically means, if you don't know, telling them how we wanted to make them even bigger. As I went to retrieve his laptop and the spyware we'd placed on it, our crossdressing hitman lad i suppose, wanted to have some fun. Sure, why not? It would serve as a useful diversion if they all went for a kiki, as the Americans call it. they would not be able to prevent us exposing posh boys dirty secret.
anyway the details get a bit vague after this, but as soon as i walked back in, I heard an ever so familiar oxford voice, in nothing but a ladies thong, crooning in a falsetto the lyrics to this song. It was of course, tea. Now inevitably, this became such a road to damascus moment for me that the sheer absurdity of it made me abandon crime altogether. Unfortunately tea has been utterly mortified since and we haven't been able to build my dream of an anti-crime outreach empire. in honour of Paul O'Grady, if you adore this song, perhaps you can accomplish some good old fashioned cowboy male bonding to reignite his passion for standing on tables, wiggling his bits and bobs about, and belting out lord infamous lyrics?
Three Six Mafia - Lick my Nuts.
After all, we can't have benny and crew encourage criminality on the dark streets of Pensilvania can we now?