rate the subordinate parts of the uk


Well-known member
rank them, taking into account the people and the places themselves

scotland, wales and ireland.

the scots are the funniest and the smartest. the welsh dont have any sense of identity, a thoroughly defeated race. the irish tend to be emotionally volatile so youre always on edge when you talk to them. scotland has the best cities, wales has the worst. all have funny accents but the scottish one is the prettiest. landscapes are much of a muchness, dour, dark, forbidding.


Cat Malogen
fuck it,

1) Ireland

Belfast, best city in Europe and 2nd home. Yes, it’s on the island of Ireland, so there. Got a grip beyond words. If you’d said taxis would be doing tourist routes around murals, instead of driving executioners and prisoners round not so long back, no-one would have believed you. Fuck all you snivelling English snouts who convinced yourselves it was doomed

Nightmares - Portadown just to rub the six counties in^^^, jfc can you not move on lads. Grey as fuck, stiff, somber beyond articulation and there’s a Gaelic sports warehouse there too as an employer, Huns must be extra gutted surprised no one’s been shot over it

Personal nightmare - Drogheda, spent 2 weeks smashed on a very sweet batch of Dublin-procured heroin so can’t remember much, except the only late opening chippy was ropey. Only time played golf on smack, not a good look

2) Mam Cymru

Cardiff is just an inflated administrative hub. It gets shit fast. Ely? Steady

Swansea is rough but resilient and look what it backs out onto, glorious part of Britain

Add Anglesey, Ceredigion, Pembrokeshire and select parts of the east ie Craner’s Deep Wales, are all hauntingly beautiful.

Small town blues problems everywhere, Diazepam rules whole estates. Someone clucking will rob you, sprinkle with fentanyl

3) Scotland, land of my birth

Glasgow for drug deaths. Live and love Celtic FC but Glasgow’s east end is a disaster zone. Tons of heart, never enough £, possibly terminal

Edinburgh for how shit it is during the festival period, full of yanks gawping or leg’s akimbo cunts from Dorking

Highlands, as a whole in summer with midges in your eyes ears nostrils, fuck that but you have to respect anyone who can weather their collective gnawing humming onslaught


Cat Malogen
Cornwall - tourists

Surrey - can’t you just evict it? What’s it for exactly other than hoarding wealth?

Hertfordshire - M1 fumes

Berkshire - had some of the best doves of my life in this wholly unremarkable county. Used to be crackling with life, now you just think of Reading and Ricky Gervais


Cat Malogen
Derbyshire - another dove heavy county but if you’ve seen Dead Man’s Shoes = t’dah. Stupid football rivals with locals colours it a tad. Mam Tor is alway stunning and you never forget driving Snake Pass while tripping in the snow

Suffolk, an East Anglian case study - not always ‘sunny’

Hampshire - grow up