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its weird how you are often playing chess against YOURSELF
i guess some people are totally happy with what they do instinctively but for a neurotic you're constantly fighting your deepest instincts
There's an Anthony Bourdain interview where he talks about this:
“There’s a guy inside me who wants to lay in bed, and smoke weed all day, and watch cartoons, and old movies. I could easily do that. My whole life is a series of stratagems to avoid, and outwit, that guy.”