Poetry

[luka]

sorry im a nbitnhigh atm and moer unfiltred than usual but its so far from any shared coordinate points that it looks deranged tbh

 

[luka]

i think it is like a disney musical maybe it feels like a animated song. i can imagine it sung. its diffiult to do on the page but its cool and insane you tried it,

 

[luka]

maybe ive misunderstood it other life to me it lookos hideous at first sight it transgreeses the most basica norms of deceny its like youve never read a book. im fascinated in a way cos i have no idea of how you got there its like a meatloaf idea of modern poetry

 

[other_life]

i didn't know there were norms of decency, but meatloaf is below the belt

 

[other_life]

be fair

 

[luka]

sorry im just trying to work out the best way to stage it which is a lot of what reading is about

 

[luka]

how did you come upon this mode of composition? who were you influenced by?

 

[other_life]

the mid-section where it's neat six line stuff is Auden esp. Heavy Date and Merrill's "EFRAIM" voice but a) i did it on a lark after feeling stuck on the earlier part (which is not in any specific form) b) towards the end i start being like "no. i want these to be twelve syllables, not ten"

 

[other_life]

can you tell i did most of it in my notes app

 

[luka]

why not just you write normal poem

 

[other_life]

sometimes i do then again i don't

 

[other_life]

this one's more normal this one came to me all as one thing in the middle of the night

Na'arut Musa

The future is on the side of no one
but the future. The future is always,
only for itself. When I measure me
against the future, I am least.

The future is pre-eminent, as such
it may be my birth, threading me
to itself, arachnaean ending. And
look on me in light, light from the future,
a radiance diffuses me in it -
nihilated by brightness, pushing me
backwards from its side - from
the side of future times.

The future travels over past me, rays
bake stray dark hair - absorbing, pressing.

The future, sun ungrasped and guide:
loft, describing all, the future does not
suffer to be seen.

When I see from the side of the future,
I strain to see me through its eyes -
it steels my face. I watch unrecognised.

After night has lit on
night, and day chased after day, in time
I face the future and confess:
"For nothing in return,
I am on your side."

 

[luka]

i'll look again when im in my usual condirion. Gus might understand it better than i do

 

[other_life]

are you stoned drunk or both?

 

[woops]

Thanks, i'm really new to poetry and i appreciate the explanation of the technique although that's not really where my gripes come from, do you have any recs for poems that use this kind of form?

this is the canonical DOUBLE sestina

Ye Goatherd Gods

decent one by John Ashbery but it's not in a classical metre larded with Ashbery's usual irrelevancies

Farm Implements and Rutabagas in a Landscape

 

[other_life]

Ashbery's usual irrelevancies❓

 

[woops]

I've got a feeling it was originally a troubadour form but i don't think anyone here speaks Provençal

 

[other_life]

i rate ashbery. he hides jokes in his poems

 

[other_life]

the bridge that connects loring park with the walker/sculpture garden is yellow and lined with an ashbery

 

[woops]

Ashbery's usual irrelevancies❓

it's not really a criticism, i can see why he likes them, but look at the first line. what are the other undisclosed messages? who's withholding them? it's only there to add a hint of textual mystery really