Wastemen

[barry_abs]

just saw a drunk stumble past, it was great.. ya know, that rat-arsed, could hit the deck at any point stumble.. he was sporting a 'shakin stevens' - dressed head to toe in stone-wash.. combed grey mullet..

i was round at a mate's recently, one of the lads brothers came over.. he's an alcy - we had to wake him up from deep sleep on a piss-soaked mattress.. the first thing he did on walking into the garden (we was outside, blazing etc.) was walk straight off the stream bankside dropping a metre or so, face first into the water.. we spent the next hour rescuing him and his specs..

livened up the occassion! he's a harmless drunk.. not a violent drunk..

i saw a wastey hit the deck face first in clapham.. dozens stepped over him.. i asked if he was alright.. "i'm fine".. if you say so!

 

[Noah Baby Food]

I was doing a shift at the bar I work at the other week, just me and the manager dude, absolutely dead, early evening week night, just us two in there. This guy walks in carrying a sign and a toolbox. It's hard to say exactly, but he was probably in his mid to late forties but looked dead rough. Kind of an old ex-punk, maybe - had a "rat's tail" and was wearing a donkey jacket. he definitely had some difficulties. He staggered to the bar with two quid in his hand and said "get me a drink". We explained that we couldn't serve him because he had had enough already. He was muttering all manner of stuff, and we then noticed he had blood pouring from his earlobe. We gave him a tissue to clean himself up and tried to get him on his way. Then noticed that the sign in his hand said something to with "Karaoke Night At The Swan" - he had evidently ripped it off the wall from the pub he had just been ejected from - perhaps explaining ear blood? Then he put his tool box on the bar and said "can you wrap that for me?". Proceeded to open tool box, which contained, amongst other things, what looked like little wooden croquet mallets (and some paperwork that seemed to be from some 'care' organisation, from what I could gather), and tried to give us a little mallet. We kept cajoling him to leave, saying the pub round the corner would serve him (they probably would as well, rough as fuck). Before he left he pointed at my mountain bike that was leant against a table, laughed at it and said "BRAP BRAP" or words to that effect.

All true, a very surreal encounter. I love these kinda guys! Would have liked to have been a 'fly on the wall' for the hours preceding our encounter with him. Bet he was ROCKIN!

 

[barry_abs]

seen any more of this guy noah? i saw 'shakey' warming the bench in town t'other day.. what do you do with your thoughts, sat there all day? no internet, books, films, games etc. to take your mind off things - that's how i roll.. when shit gets stressful, iron it out with escapism.. and sat there in public too - i'd have a problem with that.. if i was gonna fall apart i'd do it under a bush, not in town under the monument.

at the mo, i have no fixed abode (am living at the b&b) and no job so if i don't pull my finger out i could be warming the bench next to him!

 

[swears]

I had a mate that became an alkie and dropped out of uni to drink all day on borrowed money. Had been getting hammered more and more frequently since he was about 14. Went around one Saturday afternoon thinking "Oh, he can't be that bad." to find him pissed already on vodka with rubbish all over his room, smelling, unshaven, insisting that he was just going though a "rough patch". Didn't really see him much after that, think he was lucky enough to have parents to get him to dry out at a clinic or something. Bright fella too, shame. Hope he's alright now.

 

[sufi]

maybe not a wasteman but...

... definitely on the shakey tip,

best busker i've seen since long:

somewhere on the tube ... the train stops & he jumps on, grizzled looking rocker in a psychobilly / gothic style, with a obv dyed black elvis quiff, ragged black cowboy shirt, ted-style inflated loafas, his guitar is battered with strings dangling & he's straight into an unidentifiable speed-blues riff that could have been hound dawg or summat else, intense, catching no-bodies eye, i can't remember now whether he actually gyrated or not but he was the real shit man with passion, eyes bulging,
exactly as the tube started to slow down for the next stop he was done and heading for the door
of course the london commuter wankers totally blanked him, what shame, i put some nuggets in his hand and bigged him up loud in front of them all, o yeah

 

[barry_abs]

ted-style inflated loafas

ha, even down to the ted-standard footwear.. once a rocker, always a rocker.. respect for paying your dues!

my dad was a teenager when presley, little richard etc. arrived.. words cannot describe what it must have been like in those days.. worlds colliding.. cool though!

tutti frutti must have been one of the first big hits about fucking, promiscuous sex etc.. must have caused a riot..

 

[barry_abs]

dry out at a clinic or something. Bright fella too

happens to the best of us.. oxford has some highly educated wasties.. i was there for the footy once, got talking to a stankin destitute at the bar - blinded me with philosophy and science!

addiction is a very nasty illness, sometimes impossible to cure .. in some cases though, i've seen it self-inflicted with a "that'll teach em" motive which i do not sympathise with.

 

[viktorvaughn]

I had a mate that became an alkie and dropped out of uni to drink all day on borrowed money. Had been getting hammered more and more frequently since he was about 14. Went around one Saturday afternoon thinking "Oh, he can't be that bad." to find him pissed already on vodka with rubbish all over his room, smelling, unshaven, insisting that he was just going though a "rough patch". Didn't really see him much after that, think he was lucky enough to have parents to get him to dry out at a clinic or something. Bright fella too, shame. Hope he's alright now.

Fuckries. How old was he when he became an alcoholic 'proper' would you say?

 

[Mr. Tea]

... definitely on the shakey tip,

best busker i've seen since long:

somewhere on the tube ... the train stops & he jumps on, grizzled looking rocker in a psychobilly / gothic style, with a obv dyed black elvis quiff, ragged black cowboy shirt, ted-style inflated loafas, his guitar is battered with strings dangling & he's straight into an unidentifiable speed-blues riff that could have been hound dawg or summat else, intense, catching no-bodies eye, i can't remember now whether he actually gyrated or not but he was the real shit man with passion, eyes bulging,
exactly as the tube started to slow down for the next stop he was done and heading for the door
of course the london commuter wankers totally blanked him, what shame, i put some nuggets in his hand and bigged him up loud in front of them all, o yeah

I think I've seen this guy. Did he have a really small guitar, like half sized or something?
Brilliant.

 

[Lichen]

london commuter wankers totally blanked him,


you can spilt the world between people who do and don't give to buskers

 

[Lichen]

I think I've seen this guy. Did he have a really small guitar, like half sized or something?
Brilliant.

I reckon i know small-guitar-guy. he sang Big Yellow Taxi and I crossed his palm with some gold.

 

[Mr. Tea]

I reckon i know small-guitar-guy. he sang Big Yellow Taxi and I crossed his palm with some gold.

Plus the black guy at Old Street station who reckons he's Jimi Hendrix or something, he rocks.
There's good cross-over potential between this thread and the 'London (and rest of country) characters' thread(s).

 

[barry_abs]

you can spilt the world between people who do and don't give to buskers

depends what mood you're in (in my case anyway).

the other day in the take away some guy appeared begging me for "90p to get back home - i've left my wallet at home".. i said "what ya like, ya daft beggar (no pun intended)" and gave him one piece of gold.. on another day i might have said no..

 

[Mr. Tea]

What pisses me is people who clearly aren't homeless or in any sense a 'proper' beggar who ask you for money anyway. A while I was walking along Stoke Newington High Street and I passed these two young women of about 18, one of them with a kid in a pushchair, and she just "Excuse me, have you got 20p?". I muttered "no, sorry" and walked on, before realising I should have said "Yes I have, thanks you". I mean, what the fuck? Cheeky cow.

 

[barry_abs]

you should have smashed her baby through a window, Mike Gull style.

As luck would have it, whilst watching the promo video for "Loverboy" by Billy Ocean, Mike noticed a baby crawling across the floor, over by Glenn's exercise bike. Glenn must have forgotten this baby was in the house, otherwise he would have inevitably smashed fuck out of it. Mike picked up the gurgling baby, and before doing so, shouted, "I AM SORRY FOR BREAKING YOUR WINDOW GLENN!" as he threw the child through the nearest closed window as hard as he could. The glass shattered and the baby's gurgles suddenly turned into screams, as it was shredded up like lettuce and began its speedy descent to the ground below. Mike quickly legged it over to the window and looked out to see the baby splattered on the ground. It was nearly unrecognisable! Mike thought to himself about getting a tattoo, maybe one of a really cool motorbike.

 

[Noah Baby Food]

That Mike Gull's a fucker.

There used to be a bloke in Leeds, stocky kinda mixed race guy, wore 'cheap clothing', who would stand outside Boots with a hat on the floor and sing old standards or religious songs ('He's Got The Whole World In His Hands' was popular). He had the most ridiculously deep voice and no sense of timing whatsoever. He used to stand bolt upright and deliver his songs in a very earnest fashion. Don't think he had drink/substance issues and I know he wasn't homeless (knew a guy who lived in the same flats as him), but he was definitely highly eccentric. He's vanished though, not seen him for years.

 

[Lichen]

depends what mood you're in (in my case anyway).

the other day in the take away some guy appeared begging me for "90p to get back home - i've left my wallet at home".. i said "what ya like, ya daft beggar (no pun intended)" and gave him one piece of gold.. on another day i might have said no..

I hope you asked for change

 

[barry_abs]

That Mike Gull's a fucker

we would never defeat mike gull - he is experienced in many battles..

 

[Canada J Soup]

you should have smashed her baby through a window, Mike Gull style.

Best thing in fucking ages. Where'd / how'd you find that?

 

[barry_abs]

noah's blog