The Great British Wank Bank

[Mr. Tea]

not into any of them. in my day the big names were samantha fox and linda lusardi

For the record, luka is a year older than me, and not 55, as this post would suggest.

 

[william_kent]

theres a homely approachable quality to the uk glamour model. its part of the thesis of this thread. theyre not supposed to look like goddesses.

I used to buy kung fu videos from a stall which also did "under the counter" VHS tapes - one Saturday afternoon I turned up and there was a queue for "Bolton Housewives" which was flying off the shelves - the owner told me: "they might not be lookers, but they sure are dirty" - I'm afraid I can't confirm

 

[luka]

@woops has got literally thousands of stories about real bolton housewives that would make your eyes pop out your head

 

[luka]

edmund is a real sex guy. you know i always say to people, real sex guys are vanishingly rare. they;re people whose lives revolves around sex. they cant go a day without it. as soon as they wake up theyre thinking about how to get it. hes one of them. hes shagged literally everything. and hes been at it since the age of 15. every single day. imagine the stories. one of a kind.

 

[luka]

hes nobbed men, women, animals, young, old, he literally just has to stick it in to find peace. i really respect it but people think they're sex guys and i have to say, with respect, no. a real sex guy, its a burden, almost a curse, certainly a responsibility.

 

[luka]

me, william kent, idle rich, we're what you call drug guys. we dont mind sex, so long as we've taken drugs first. otherwise, take it or leave it. its a different category.

 

[william_kent]

edmund is a real sex guy. you know i always say to people, real sex guys are vanishingly rare. they;re people whose lives revolves around sex. they cant go a day without it. as soon as they wake up theyre thinking about how to get it. hes one of them. hes shagged literally everything. and hes been at it since the age of 15. every single day. imagine the stories. one of a kind.

my dad had a copy of frank harris "my life and loves" which i found and stole from his bookshelf at at an early age, but was disappointed to find out he may have been lying

i once thought frank was a "real sex guy" but he was making it up

like @luka says, the real sex guys are a rare breed

also, you have to skim through hundreds of pages with Frank to get to the "juicy bits" - he padded that shit out

 

[luka]

its actually a curse/ having seen it close up. they're never 'off' always searching, predatory, next titbit. looks exhausting

 

[william_kent]

its actually a curse/ having seen it close up. they're never 'off' always searching, predatory, next titbit. looks exhausting

I once lived in a shared house with one of those guys - embarrassing having to palm their girlfriend off at the door while the sex fiend is knobbing some random upstairs

 

[william_kent]

real sex guys, it's non-stop drama

 

[luka]

they live for it. most of us just want an easy life. have a wank once a month.

 

[william_kent]

they live for it. most of us just want an easy life. have a wank once a month.

from my observation, having shared a house with a "real sex guy", it's hard work, all the lies, the tears, the ducking and diving, juggling, getting your stories straight - like you say us "drug guys" want an easy life, but being a "real sex guy" takes commitment and EFFORT which "drug and some chem sex" guys can't imagine

 

[luka]

yeah its the emotional turmoil that really outs me off. they usually claim to be free of this but i think they just must psychotically compartmentalise it

 

[william_kent]

yeah its the emotional turmoil that really outs me off. they usually claim to be free of this but i think they just must psychotically compartmentalise it

"cold"

 

[luka]

edmund has this hilarious story about a girl who he was desperately trying to get rid of with schizophrenia appearing at his window, her mad screeching face, at 3am in a thunderstorm, which would be bad normally, but he was on the 3rd floor

 

[luka]

he said he just closed the curtains. thats one of my favourite of his stories. but he was terrified she would smash the glass and come and get him.

 

[william_kent]

"cold"

i once knew a guy whose brother was a a Jamaican barber and he had the same stories i have, of answering the door to his brother's "girlfriend' and having to lie on their behalf because the sex fiend is upstairs with some woman they've just picked up


those "real sex guys" can cause some moral dilemmas

 

[luka]

@sufi youre undeniably a ladies man but would you consider yourself a 'sex guy'?

 

[luka]

i remember when you were young every time i saw you in public youd be with a different lady and all of them were unworldly, just so fucking stunning it was like they were floating over the earth like gravity had no hold on them.

 

[luka]

you used to be really good looking too. short, obviously, but absolutely gorgeous. and with a twinkle in the eye.