Freakaholic
not just an addiction
knocked over a whole line of parked Vespas in the wee hours of the morning once. As a (pathetic) defense, I was really drunk and cant stand vespa riders in the city.
Cuntishness
- Thread starter martin
- Start date
i used to pretend i'd seen films which i hadn't all the time, but only as an excuse to talk to / appear cool to the super-hot girl that worked at the video shop!
at school once, there was this kid who wanted his head shaved, and we persuaded him to let us do it with bic razors. We took him to the field over the road and shaved his head completely bald - then we held him down and lashed his red raw head with stinging nettles. He cried, ran to a little stream and dunked his head in the water. Felt pretty bad about that afterwards.
And I also very guiltily admit that when i was 17 I ran over two cats (though not at the same time). Once was on a dual carriageway at night and i didn't have any chance of stopping, the other time was down a little lane near my parents' house. It was night and it jumped out in front of me, i swerved but inadvertently swerved right into it. I was too horrified/gutless to stop and find the owner, so i drove on, took a long detour around the block, came back down the same road, and there was now a mum and child there, visibly distraught about their dead pet. I pulled over and asked them what was going on and they said "some bastard ran over our cat and didn't even stop", to which i replied "god, i'm sorry - what a bastard" and carried on driving home, ashamed.
jesus fucking christ, a friend just pointed this out to me and i couldn't help thinking it belonged in this thread. Mind boggling.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1092980/Littlejohn-OK-audience--fingers-detonators.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1092980/Littlejohn-OK-audience--fingers-detonators.html
swears
preppy-kei
When I was seven I peed into an empty can of coke my little sister had been begging me to give her a sip of (she wasn't allowed it because it made her go hyper) the look on her face when she tasted it...
bwahahaha!
Never drink anything your brother had taken upstairs hours before and brought back down into the garden grinning his head off.
bwahahaha!
Never drink anything your brother had taken upstairs hours before and brought back down into the garden grinning his head off.
Mr. Tea
Let's Talk About Ceps
Not really all that cuntish, on an absolute scale, but when my brother and I were being dragged around on a shopping trip by Mum we used to love going to the hardware shop, as there was a big pile of clockwork cooking timers that we'd inevitable wind up to go off a minute or two after we'd left the shop. Can't remember whether we set them all to go off at the same time; in retrospect it'd have been more diabolical to stagger them all with a minute in between successive rings...
STN
sou'wester
fiendish! i was always a fan of ye-olde-loosen-ye-toppe-on-ye-salte-shaker-inne-ye-restaurante gag.
when i was about 16 or 17 me and my chums used to drive around listening to public enemy and hurling eggs at people. Not very cool.
Still, we used to have a saying '£1.49, that's twelve angry pedestrians'.
If you were ever struck by one of these projectiles in the Richmond area, I truly am sorry. Unless you were part of that big group of blokes at the bottom of the bridge, in which case, ha, ha.
when i was about 16 or 17 me and my chums used to drive around listening to public enemy and hurling eggs at people. Not very cool.
Still, we used to have a saying '£1.49, that's twelve angry pedestrians'.
If you were ever struck by one of these projectiles in the Richmond area, I truly am sorry. Unless you were part of that big group of blokes at the bottom of the bridge, in which case, ha, ha.
swears
preppy-kei
One thing I always wish I'd thought of was this genius scheme:
My mate's older brother stole the tape for our school's christmas assembly music in the morning, (it was just left in the stereo behind the curtains of the main hall) took it home at lunchtime and halfway through all the trad carols recorded himself shouting stuff like "FUCK THIS SHIT, CHRISTMAS IS FUCKING RUBBISH! SUCK ON THIS MOTHERFUCKERS!" at the top of his voice. He did it in this weird american accent so nobody would know it was him. Then slipped it back into the stereo in the afternoon. He didn't tell anybody it was him until he'd left sixth form, so only he knew what was coming. We were sitting there waiting for the last of the first years to file in at the front, when all this abuse starts booming over the PA. The five or six teachers at the front just stood there for a moment looking absolutely baffled and mortified, it took them at least a couple of minutes to actually work out where the shouting was coming from and turn off the stereo. (I think they thought somebody was just standing behind the curtains and shouting) they all dashed round the stage like headless chickens while telling us to stop laughing so hard we were in tears. Fantastic. He got away with it too, kept it a total secret for the rest of the year.
Is that cuntish? Or just awesomeish?
My mate's older brother stole the tape for our school's christmas assembly music in the morning, (it was just left in the stereo behind the curtains of the main hall) took it home at lunchtime and halfway through all the trad carols recorded himself shouting stuff like "FUCK THIS SHIT, CHRISTMAS IS FUCKING RUBBISH! SUCK ON THIS MOTHERFUCKERS!" at the top of his voice. He did it in this weird american accent so nobody would know it was him. Then slipped it back into the stereo in the afternoon. He didn't tell anybody it was him until he'd left sixth form, so only he knew what was coming. We were sitting there waiting for the last of the first years to file in at the front, when all this abuse starts booming over the PA. The five or six teachers at the front just stood there for a moment looking absolutely baffled and mortified, it took them at least a couple of minutes to actually work out where the shouting was coming from and turn off the stereo. (I think they thought somebody was just standing behind the curtains and shouting) they all dashed round the stage like headless chickens while telling us to stop laughing so hard we were in tears. Fantastic. He got away with it too, kept it a total secret for the rest of the year.
Is that cuntish? Or just awesomeish?
Mr. Tea
Let's Talk About Ceps
What, beyond the fact that it's in the Daily Mail?
I just remembered another 'game' that was good fun: sitting in the pedestrianised square in town on a Saturday afternoon when it was nice and busy, having bought a big portion of chips from the chippy across the road, then waiting until a largish group of people were approaching (bonus points if it included small kids or a wobbly old granny) then nonchalantly throwing a handful of chips on the ground a few paces ahead of them, to as to time their arrival at that spot with that of the big mob of hungry seagulls that would engulf them in a squawking, feathery frenzy. Brilliant.
Edit: swears's mate's older brother is GOD.
swears
preppy-kei
And another thing... because they couldn't find the culprit, it was announced in the next morning assembly that they'd found "those responsible" and that they were in "big trouble, so nobody had better try anything similar, take this as a warning to the rest of you, considering criminal charges" etc, etc...
Which was total bollocks, a few people were questioned, but since my mate's bro had made the smart move of not telling anyone and going on a solo mission, he got clean away with it, not even on the list of suspects.
I think they said this because:
a) they didn't want to look like they got punked good and proper.
and
b) they sort of hoped that someone would brag about getting away with it and give themselves away.
Lying bastards.
Which was total bollocks, a few people were questioned, but since my mate's bro had made the smart move of not telling anyone and going on a solo mission, he got clean away with it, not even on the list of suspects.
I think they said this because:
a) they didn't want to look like they got punked good and proper.
and
b) they sort of hoped that someone would brag about getting away with it and give themselves away.
Lying bastards.
nomadthethird
more issues than Time mag
by me:
i used to like pouring cold drinks over people's heads, or drop kicking them randomly on a big dance floor full of tools
when i was an undergrad my freshman year roommate was the bane of my existence, because she was always going to sleep at 11 and studying all day so i couldn't bring anyone over. (she also listened to the crappiest of crap like moby) she was a math major who sobbed for hours one day because she got a B. when grades came in she always asked people what their GPA was but then wouldn't say what hers was. so a friend and i copied down her ID number on the sly and used her birthdate to access her transcript online while she was gone and printed it out and taped it up everywhere...(she had one A- which for her was ultra humiliating) she never knew it was me
against me:
one time a kid who had spent a couple of years hitting on me came back to college after graduation to visit, but he wouldn't leave, and he kept sneaking into my boyfriend's room to sleep there because my boyfriend's roommate was friends with him. he was gross always rolling cigarettes and dropping tobacco all over, and never showered, and was annoying, so one night we poured beer all over the bed and pillows so he couldn't sleep there. he didn't know i was sleeping with my boyfriend until this happened, apparently. (he was cool and smart but kind of a sad case... one of those people who just never knows when they've pushed you too far...who doesn't know that it's creepy to stalk people)
when we came back the next day he'd thrown my boyfriend's computer out of the window along with most of his belongings and wrote weird shit in lipstick all over the walls
i used to like pouring cold drinks over people's heads, or drop kicking them randomly on a big dance floor full of tools
when i was an undergrad my freshman year roommate was the bane of my existence, because she was always going to sleep at 11 and studying all day so i couldn't bring anyone over. (she also listened to the crappiest of crap like moby) she was a math major who sobbed for hours one day because she got a B. when grades came in she always asked people what their GPA was but then wouldn't say what hers was. so a friend and i copied down her ID number on the sly and used her birthdate to access her transcript online while she was gone and printed it out and taped it up everywhere...(she had one A- which for her was ultra humiliating) she never knew it was me
against me:
one time a kid who had spent a couple of years hitting on me came back to college after graduation to visit, but he wouldn't leave, and he kept sneaking into my boyfriend's room to sleep there because my boyfriend's roommate was friends with him. he was gross always rolling cigarettes and dropping tobacco all over, and never showered, and was annoying, so one night we poured beer all over the bed and pillows so he couldn't sleep there. he didn't know i was sleeping with my boyfriend until this happened, apparently. (he was cool and smart but kind of a sad case... one of those people who just never knows when they've pushed you too far...who doesn't know that it's creepy to stalk people)
when we came back the next day he'd thrown my boyfriend's computer out of the window along with most of his belongings and wrote weird shit in lipstick all over the walls
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Agent
dgaf ngaf cgaf
by me: sleeping with innumerable wives, fiances, girlfriends, etc. girls always pick me to cheat on their guys with. never understood why. probably because i don't have any friends (people make me sick 
) and i don't kiss and tell. which reminds me, one of those was serj tankian's then-girlfriend (serj is the lead singer for the band system of a down). kind of douche-y on my part.
against me: (scratch that, it's back on)
) and i don't kiss and tell. which reminds me, one of those was serj tankian's then-girlfriend (serj is the lead singer for the band system of a down). kind of douche-y on my part.against me: (scratch that, it's back on)
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nomadthethird
more issues than Time mag
by me: sleeping with innumerable wives, fiances, girlfriends, etc. girls always pick me to cheat on their guys with. never understood why. probably because i don't have any friends (people make me sick
against me: total dick-over job by a photographer friend of mine. i was supposed to write an essay for her book and now she's bailing on me. no idea why. kind of bummed because john waters was supposed to write the intro.
serj seems like the kind of guy who would flip about that, yikes! i think you should be flattered by the first one...must be you're seen as a more sensitive and interesting guy...
Mr. Tea
Let's Talk About Ceps
Great timing: my housemate just came home and turned on the telly, Terminator is just starting on ITV2 with that awesome 'Bad To The Bone' song on it when he rides off from the bikers' bar where he's just beaten the shit out of everyone.
Lol at AN's cuckolding of the dude from SOAD, I remember liking them when I was 18 - heh, I was young and foolish, what can I say?
Lol at AN's cuckolding of the dude from SOAD, I remember liking them when I was 18 - heh, I was young and foolish, what can I say?
Agent
dgaf ngaf cgaf
haha 'bad to the bone' - yeah serj wasn't too keen about people sleeping with his girl. i don't think he knew about our little tryst (one time deal when she visited me in new mexico), but i know she was kind of with this other guy and serj got in a fist fight with him outside a theater one night in hollywood.
i never met serj but we were kind of friends by proxy. he posted one of the articles i wrote for disinformation on the soad website back in the day. i've always been appreciative for that.
no it's because i'm enormously endowed
i never met serj but we were kind of friends by proxy. he posted one of the articles i wrote for disinformation on the soad website back in the day. i've always been appreciative for that.
no it's because i'm enormously endowed