The power of negative thinking

[0bleak]

Sometimes I forget how good they were

one of my faves, perhaps a fitting one for the thread

 

[line b]

I take a lot from the fact that I am a forgettable ugly paste person at my base state. Nothing will happen to me if I do nothing because I don't exist and thus everything I do is a strike back against destiny. Some might say well what about your winning personality and natural charisma and I will say even that was developed as an affront to god later in life.

 

[line b]

And the freedom that comes from holding the entire world in contempt. there is nothing to lose so have abandon

 

[line b]

I've never been one to have one thing I am clearly the best at but am someone who can become slightly better than most at most things if I try and there's something gratifying about that as it reinforces the idea that everyone is incompetent and stupid and your rubbing the fat kids nose into the dirt about it

 

[sus]

Kant talks about man's asocial sociability. that we despise our fellows yet desire their approval. want to dominate and humiliate everyone but also want them to acknowledge and pat us on the back for it.

 

[Corpsey]

Well he was surrounded by Germans.

 

[Corpsey]

Reading the life stories of various musical/literary/artistic geniuses you detect a prominent (though not universal) theme of childhood trauma/neglect/poverty. I think that you might need a spur of some sort to be driven so violently into the arms of art.

Probably the same is true of business—just look at Elon. If he was a happy chappy he'd probably not have made it past his first 50 million before retiring.

"YOU think it horrible that lust and rage
Should dance attention upon my old age;
They were not such a plague when I was young;
What else have I to spur me into song?"

 

[Corpsey]

Although with art, i wonder if the 'need' to be fucked up in some way is to do with the advent of romanticism, which made having a peculiar perspective and decadent imagination more important than how well you could draw hands

Like Francis Bacon, for example, is technically skilled in his own way, but really the power of his art is in its rendering of an extremely peculiar imagination—ditto Lucien Freud, who was more technically skilled of course but whose people don't look like people we see, but as seen through the eyes of a perverse misanthropic lizard man

 

[luka]

 

[Corpsey]

Speaking for myself, negative thinking has never really helped me (except perhaps for sharpening my sense of humour, which it's important to have when your deepest conviction is that you're a piece of shit and life is meaningless), it's just held me back

However, I also think my anger (which is voluminous, see 'how full of rage are you' thread) has always been turned inwards, which nullifies it

 

[Corpsey]

I was someone who always felt ok, like kinda great, and I think he felt that was the root of my essential inertia.

I don't think i'm the type to feel kinda great, but I do think there's an essential comfort and complaisance that comes from parental spoilage that means i'll never get around to doing anything

I always thought that the only way i could write the Great British Novel would be at gunpoint

 

[version]

In sport, I was reasonably good without being anything like an athlete, it was only when my competitiveness was triggered that I could excel

Yeah, I remember this kicking in when my brother landed a kickflip before me. It drove me so insane I stayed out doing them over and over until I got it. Couldn't go home until I'd forced myself to learn them then and there.

 

[line b]

Yeah, I remember this kicking in when my brother landed a kickflip before me. It drove me so insane I stayed out doing them over and over until I got it. Couldn't go home until I'd forced myself to learn them then and there.

I learned to play guitar because my brother tried and failed on 3 different occasions and I wanted to spite him by showing him how easy it was

 

[mixed_biscuits]

I find it helpful to imagine that literally everyone can do whatever you're trying to learn and they won't accept you into society unless I can do it too.

 

[mixed_biscuits]

Another useful motivation I've used is "I should be good at this"

 

[version]

I was hungry. I wanted love and sex. I wanted to give my mental stories to the world. I knew I couldn’t have those things in my current condition. I had to renounce all forms of dope. I couldn’t drink. I couldn’t steal. I couldn’t lie. I had to be a locked-down, uptight, pucker-assed motherfucker. I had to repudiate my old life. I had to build a new life from the sheer desiccated force of my old one. I liked the concept. It appealed to my extremist nature. I liked the self-immolation aspect. I liked the air of total apostasy. I danced with the concept for weeks. It blitzed my storytelling drive and soured my taste for dope. I wanted to change my whole life. Lloyd cleaned up in AA. He told me total abstinence was better than booze and dope at its best. I believed him. He was always smarter and stronger and more resourceful than me. I followed his lead. I said “Fuck it” and shrugged off my old life.
ELLROY, MY DARK PLACES

 

[kid charlemagne]

I was hungry. I wanted love and sex. I wanted to give my mental stories to the world. I knew I couldn’t have those things in my current condition. I had to renounce all forms of dope. I couldn’t drink. I couldn’t steal. I couldn’t lie. I had to be a locked-down, uptight, pucker-assed motherfucker. I had to repudiate my old life. I had to build a new life from the sheer desiccated force of my old one. I liked the concept. It appealed to my extremist nature. I liked the self-immolation aspect. I liked the air of total apostasy. I danced with the concept for weeks. It blitzed my storytelling drive and soured my taste for dope. I wanted to change my whole life. Lloyd cleaned up in AA. He told me total abstinence was better than booze and dope at its best. I believed him. He was always smarter and stronger and more resourceful than me. I followed his lead. I said “Fuck it” and shrugged off my old life.
ELLROY, MY DARK PLACES

greatest writer.....
there is a signed copy of this in a nyc bookstore..... i should go pick it up this weekend..... i still remember that part of my life where i read 7 straight ellroy books.... when my body and mind were feleling completely broken down and reading his books were the best parts of my day

 

[kid charlemagne]

i might be too young to fully relate and express to this sentiment.... i like to tell myself that love wins..... but in basketball ive been noticing some power in negativity..... when i play i am super personal and competitive.... there is a weird unspoken dynamic in pickup when it come to calling fouls...... some people are pretty hesitant to do so, so you cant get away with some occasional roughness..... be intentionally agressive enough to speak with your actions and body and tell them "you a bitch you really gonna call a foul?" and maybe its fair when they do call one.... but also sometimes theyre just a bitch... take some contact.... but this is a bit of a detrimant as maybe im too much of a bitch to call fouls when i get roughed up...... that was a tangent.... but there is a domineering negative force that can be used in basketballl, also when a ball goes out of bounds, and you elect that it went off the other team.... today with convction i spoke and pointed at a guy telling it went of him.... he said no.... and i repeatedly called on him and he stood down to me

but again i think love wins in life, but i speak to so many older people than me in life and they maybe arent the same sentiment.... so maybe there will come a shift in my thinking.... i just wonder when that shift comes

 

[version]

One trick's to use your negative habits and energy against themselves, e.g. I wanted to eat less at night, so I would brush my teeth earlier because I couldn't be bothered to brush them again and that would override the desire to eat.

 

[Corpsey]

its weird how you are often playing chess against YOURSELF

i guess some people are totally happy with what they do instinctively but for a neurotic you're constantly fighting your deepest instincts