Jean-Claude Van Damme

version

Who loves ya, baby?
I've seen a few already - Bloodsport, A.W.O.L./Lionheart, Street Fighter - but anyone got any particular favourites? Obviously I'll have to watch Kickboxer, Time Cop and Universal Soldier; Hard Target looks fun too. Anyone seen the weird, self-aware one he did relatively recently where he played himself?

 
Last edited:

version

Who loves ya, baby?
We hadn’t been airborne long when Trump decided to watch a movie. He’d brought along “Michael,” a recent release, but twenty minutes after popping it into the VCR he got bored and switched to an old favorite, a Jean Claude Van Damme slugfest called “Bloodsport,” which he pronounced “an incredible, fantastic movie.” By assigning to his son the task of fast-forwarding through all the plot exposition—Trump’s goal being “to get this two-hour movie down to forty-five minutes”—he eliminated any lulls between the nose hammering, kidney tenderizing, and shin whacking. When a beefy bad guy who was about to squish a normal-sized good guy received a crippling blow to the scrotum, I laughed. “Admit it, you’re laughing!” Trump shouted. “You want to write that Donald Trump was loving this ridiculous Jean Claude Van Damme movie, but are you willing to put in there that you were loving it, too?”
 

version

Who loves ya, baby?
He's always come across as much more self-aware than Seagal and now the two of them are parodies of themselves, Seagal seems completely oblivious whilst Van Damme embraces it.
 

Benny B

Well-known member
I saw that one where he played himself and thought it was brilliant, but it was ages ago since I saw it so memory is hazy. Would definitely watch again though
 

Mr. Tea

Shub-Niggurath, Please
He's always come across as much more self-aware than Seagal and now the two of them are parodies of themselves, Seagal seems completely oblivious whilst Van Damme embraces it.
Not to derail the thread, but I once read a description of Seagal that he looks "like the cross dog in the Tom & Jerry cartoons", and now I can never unsee it.

Also, he was once in a film called Half Past Dead.

Also also, I think he's one of those action actors who takes great pride in doing his own stunts, or at least he used to be, until he had to stop because he got too fat.
 

Mr. Tea

Shub-Niggurath, Please
seagal has done a lot of very bad things human rights abuses people traffiking etc
I hadn't heard this but it makes perfect sense, I mean you only have to look at him, don't you?

Great turn of phrase, "human rights abuses". Makes him sound like a former dictator or warlord from some obscure country, about to go on trial at The Hague.
 

version

Who loves ya, baby?
On August 30, 2011, Jesus Sanchez Llovera filed a lawsuit against Seagal over his part in a Maricopa county police raid with heavy weapons (notably including an army surplus tank) of Llovera's residence for suspicion of cockfighting. The incident was taped for Seagal's A&E reality show Steven Seagal: Lawman. Llovera was seeking $100,000 for damages caused during the raid, and a letter of apology from Seagal to Llovera's children for the death of their family pet. Llovera claimed that his 11-month-old puppy was shot and killed during the raid. Llovera failed to file court-ordered paperwork after his attorney withdrew from the case and the lawsuit was dismissed in January 2013.
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
seagal has done a lot of very bad things human rights abuses people traffiking etc
No idea if that is true but he looks exactly the sort. He's the sort of guy who would rub it in and take the piss by making loads of shit films where he is the good guy and saves Native Americans and so on, but in actual fact as soon as the film finishes he kidnaps the guys he's just saved in the film using his martial arts skills and sells them into slavery.
Only issue with that scenario... does he actually have any such skills? He always looks really slow and unathletic and fat... I mean in his absolute prime compare him to Jet Li or something.
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
On August 30, 2011, Jesus Sanchez Llovera filed a lawsuit against Seagal over his part in a Maricopa county police raid with heavy weapons (notably including an army surplus tank) of Llovera's residence for suspicion of cockfighting. The incident was taped for Seagal's A&E reality show Steven Seagal: Lawman. Llovera was seeking $100,000 for damages caused during the raid, and a letter of apology from Seagal to Llovera's children for the death of their family pet. Llovera claimed that his 11-month-old puppy was shot and killed during the raid. Llovera failed to file court-ordered paperwork after his attorney withdrew from the case and the lawsuit was dismissed in January 2013.
So he saved the cock at the expense of their beloved pet dog? Great. In films of course no-one gives a shit about all the collateral damage that accrues as buildings, planes and extras are blown to pieces in the background, as long as baddie dies and goody gets the girl. Real life bit different.
 
Top