do you think its possible to ever overcome our problems and issues, if only a tiny little bit at a time? do you think there are such things as forgiveness and recovery?
forgiving is not forgetting just to be clear.
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do you think its possible to ever overcome our problems and issues, if only a tiny little bit at a time? do you think there are such things as forgiveness and recovery?
forgiving is not forgetting just to be clear.
N
nomadologist
Guest
do you think its possible to ever overcome our problems and issues, if only a tiny little bit at a time? do you think there are such things as forgiveness and recovery?
short answer: no.
short answer: no.
not that you are unwise in your 24 was it? years of life on this earth (which I'm sure is like other people's 80), but do you think there is the possibility that you might have a different answer to that question at a later date?
N
nomadologist
Guest
25 in Sept.
If getting "wiser" means not loving people selectively, then I don't want to be wise.
Have you ever lost anyone? Who you lived with? Who was your best friend? Did you ever have to make "the call"?
I think experiences like those change your perspective more than years of watching movies and TV and going on the internet.
If getting "wiser" means not loving people selectively, then I don't want to be wise.
Have you ever lost anyone? Who you lived with? Who was your best friend? Did you ever have to make "the call"?
I think experiences like those change your perspective more than years of watching movies and TV and going on the internet.
If getting "wiser" means not loving people selectively, then I don't want to be wise.
wait, how did you get "unselectively"? i would never say that because it's absurd.
Have you ever lost anyone? Who you lived with? Who was your best friend? Did you ever have to make "the call"?
I think experiences like those change your perspective more than years of watching movies and TV and going on the internet.
um... i hope you are not insinuating that I've never lost anyone dear to me or that my life consists of consuming media.
N
nomadologist
Guest
You're acting like there's all sorts of agency in terms of which people one loves. There isn't. You don't get to choose. When, who, or how much.
This means, I don't get to wait until I find someone with whom I think I'd have the healthiest relationship and then try in vain turn on the feelings. I know a lot of girls do this, but I can't.
I'm not saying all you do is consume media, but some experiences are more important than others.
This means, I don't get to wait until I find someone with whom I think I'd have the healthiest relationship and then try in vain turn on the feelings. I know a lot of girls do this, but I can't.
I'm not saying all you do is consume media, but some experiences are more important than others.
hundredmillionlifetimes
Banned
Zhao said:i am sure of one thing: real love makes you fee *more* yourself, allows you to be more you, gives you more freedom.
At one level it can be (mistakenly) seen as a purely ego-boosting, self-aggrandising exercise, but at another as an ego-dismantling one. Love is a violent rupture with the existing world.
N
nomadologist
Guest
Thank god for HMLT.
I know exactly why I go for the people I do--it's because they're super affectionate, understand who I am, understand why I do what I do, even better put up with me, do things for me that I can't do for myself, and etc etc.
All of this is worth a lot. I love my boyfriend more than anything, I don't care if it's not what I'm supposed to do. I know I should like move a million miles away and donate my life to science or something, but it aint gonna happen.
I know exactly why I go for the people I do--it's because they're super affectionate, understand who I am, understand why I do what I do, even better put up with me, do things for me that I can't do for myself, and etc etc.
All of this is worth a lot. I love my boyfriend more than anything, I don't care if it's not what I'm supposed to do. I know I should like move a million miles away and donate my life to science or something, but it aint gonna happen.
You're acting like there's all sorts of agency in terms of which people one loves. There isn't. You don't get to choose. When, who, or how much.
This means, I don't get to wait until I find someone with whom I think I'd have the healthiest relationship and then try in vain turn on the feelings. I know a lot of girls do this, but I can't.
i think, believe, know, that anyone can change for the better if they want to. i think anyone can overcome, heal, forgive, and recover. if they want to. no matter how traumatic their experiences have been.
I'm not saying all you do is consume media, but some experiences are more important than others.
i hope you are not insinuating that i've never had "important" experiences.
namely, that i have suffered any less than you have.
but really, 1. suffering is not really comparable. and 2. comparison of the amount of suffering as measure stick of the validity of a person's beliefs is childish. and 3. if you really do want to compare... nevermind I'm not going down that path.
N
nomadologist
Guest
i think, believe, know, that anyone can change for the better if they want to. i think anyone can overcome, heal, forgive, and recover. if they want to. no matter how traumatic their experiences have been.
sure, some people can. costs a shitload of money, though, right? and you have to rely on the competence of the doctor to whom you were referred.
i talk fucking circles around all my doctors, it's a joke.
i hope you are not insinuating that i've never had "important" experiences.
namely, that i have suffered any less than you have.
but really, 1. suffering is not really comparable. and 2. comparison of the amount of suffering as measure stick of the validity of a person's beliefs is childish. and 3. if you really do want to compare... nevermind I'm not going down that path.
I have no idea what kind of experiences you've had. Good luck in the pursuit of "true love", though, babe.
Don't pretend you're going to say something, then not say it!! Talk about passive-aggressive, jesus christ.
I don't care if it's not what I'm supposed to do. I know I should like move a million miles away and donate my life to science or something, but it aint gonna happen.
wait a minute here. all of this is coming from you. no one ever said you are not supposed to love your BF.
my stance would be that if there are parts of your, and anyone's, relationship that is less than healthy, that it is possible for each person to work on themselves, overcome some of their own issues, and take the relationship ever, one baby step at a time, toward a more healthy state.
given that both people want to, and believe it possible.
N
nomadologist
Guest
Yes, because calling people you don't even know codependents is a way of saying you should stay together and love one another.
Seriously?
I mostly brought up the story of deciding not to leave whenever I've decided I might is to make fun of my own laziness
Seriously?
I mostly brought up the story of deciding not to leave whenever I've decided I might is to make fun of my own laziness
N
nomadologist
Guest
You know what I hate more than open dysfunction? Passive-aggression.
At one level it can be (mistakenly) seen as a purely ego-boosting, self-aggrandising exercise, but at another as an ego-dismantling one.
cheers for that. i think ego-dismantling is maybe the only way to become more free.
Love is a violent rupture with the existing world.
and simultaneously it can be total connection with it. maybe the only real connection with it -- while all other times we live in a fog. i know when i'm in love it's like i see the world clearly, fresh, in a new light, as it really is, and often feels like for the first time.
N
nomadologist
Guest
cheers for that. i think ego-dismantling is maybe the only way to become more free.
Here's where Zhao does one of his famous 180s. I was just talking about love as losing who you are, and that was "codependence." Now you're saying that love IS ego-dismantling?
Which is it?
and simultaneously it can be total connection with it. maybe the only real connection with it -- while all other times we live in a fog. i know when i'm in love it's like i see the world clearly, fresh, in a new light, as it really is, and often feels like for the first time.
This sounds like a hallmark card.
calling people you don't even know codependents
hey now, you have to remember that it was in response to this:
every person I've ever loved has made me lose any sense of who I was or wanted to be
which is classic co-dependence. do you disagree?
sorry if i sound didactic but really, honestly, speaking from the bottom of my heart, any relationship that makes a person "lose any sense of who they are"... that's some dark shit right there.
but i feel like you are getting upset. i can stop.
N
nomadologist
Guest
What do you think "ego-dismantling" means?
I am not upset. At all.
I am not upset. At all.
Here's where Zhao does one of his famous 180s. I was just talking about love as losing who you are, and that was "codependence." Now you're saying that love IS ego-dismantling?
Which is it?
do you think "losing a sense of who you are" is the same thing as ego-dismantling?
N
nomadologist
Guest
Ok, let's go through why the pop-cultural American idea of what "ego" means is WRONG.
Ego does not mean "sense of self-importance" or even "self-image" or "self-esteem."
Ego means "I" in Greek and several other languages. It simply means, "the I am" the inner-self narrative AS SUCH. (or the reality principle, but obviously we're not really talking Freud here because on those grounds you're still wrong)
[insert symbolic logic sign for "therefore" here]
To dismantle one's ego is to DISMANTLE your SENSE of SELF.
Ego does not mean "sense of self-importance" or even "self-image" or "self-esteem."
Ego means "I" in Greek and several other languages. It simply means, "the I am" the inner-self narrative AS SUCH. (or the reality principle, but obviously we're not really talking Freud here because on those grounds you're still wrong)
[insert symbolic logic sign for "therefore" here]
To dismantle one's ego is to DISMANTLE your SENSE of SELF.
no, in my conception "losing a sense of who you are" is very much not the same thing as ego-dismantling.
do you think people who have gotten beyond the confines of their egos, who are generous and humble and kind and un-selfish, no longer know who they are?
quite the opposite. people like this know with certainty exactly who they are. and they act without doubts, with an assurance that the ego-maniac can never dream of.
do you think people who have gotten beyond the confines of their egos, who are generous and humble and kind and un-selfish, no longer know who they are?
quite the opposite. people like this know with certainty exactly who they are. and they act without doubts, with an assurance that the ego-maniac can never dream of.