Horrifying Sex Toys From Beyond

nomadthethird

more issues than Time mag
If you really want to creep yourself out, go to the Real Doll website!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RealDoll

They're the best because they can't laugh at your small penis or criticize your performance level. Plus they look and feel almost real!

Also there's the remote controlled cybersex vibrator system, 'teledidonics':

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teledildonics

No need for human contact, you can wither away at home and become increasingly isolated socially, all while maintaining the illusion of a good sex life.
 
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zhao

there are no accidents
it would be so funny if i got this as a present for GF. she'd be like OH. MY. GOD.

venuslove.jpg


edit: COULD BE FUN?!?!?!?!?!

(as a rule i approve of octopus sex)

edit 2: would be WIKKID if a second, smaller member extruded from the part for the anus, like Giger's alien mouth.

edit 3: on second thought i think this really can feel pretty great for girls... if the little rubber tenticles can all gently rotate and move individually... and maybe secrete lubricant.
 
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Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
Heh, I read this article the other day. I love the masturbation aid that's shaped just like a...human lower arm and hand! Surely there's a certain amount of redundancy there? Or is it meant as a prosthesis for guys who've lost their arms in accidents? I can see potential for a great joke charity here - Wanking For War Vets, anyone?
 

nomadthethird

more issues than Time mag
The purple thing just looks kind of like too much of a good thing? I don't know I don't find it very appealing but it might be fun.

Those glow-in-the-dark rubber vaginas are pretty popular in those sex toy shops in the village...

Edit: I always thought vibrators were imagined up as part of a male-run industry that sort of imagines that a giant penis-like object is what women want to use for masturbatory purposes. When most women I can think of are not all that dead-set on having a phallic object around at those times...
 
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nomadthethird

more issues than Time mag
Heh, I read this article the other day. I love the masturbation aid that's shaped just like a...human lower arm and hand! Surely there's a certain amount of redundancy there? Or is it meant as a prosthesis for guys who've lost their arms in accidents? I can see potential for a great joke charity here - Wanking For War Vets, anyone?

Maybe it's so you can have a third arm? How would you work this thing if you didn't have an arm?
 

swears

preppy-kei
feel almost real!

Also there's the remote controlled cybersex vibrator system, 'teledidonics':

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teledildonics

No need for human contact, you can wither away at home and become increasingly isolated socially, all while maintaining the illusion of a good sex life.

I remember seeing a channel four documentary about teledildonics when I was about eleven, some creepy nerd guy saying, "Mark my words, by the year 2000, this will have replaced real sex completely". Scared the shit out of me!
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
Maybe it's so you can have a third arm? How would you work this thing if you didn't have an arm?

It would be great to use with the chick with three tits from Total Recall.

I'm imagining the arm attachment fitting onto a stump. It'd also be pretty useful for holding, say, a microphone or an electric toothbrush.
 

nomadthethird

more issues than Time mag
It's funny, because part of me thinks "do whatever the hell you want sexually as long as you don't hurt anyone [who doesn't like getting hurt]" but i can't help but see some of these automations of sexuality as lame and indicative of culture moving in a sort of direction where communication breaks down entirely and everything is simulation and masturbatory consumerism...

I remember my bf in college wrote this paper on Baudrillard and real dolls and our professor got really offended by the fact that he used Baudrillard, as if Baudrillard doesn't jump immediately to mind when you think of the real doll (if you've read him).
 

nomadthethird

more issues than Time mag
Anybody ever seen pictures of that porn by those guys who fetishize accident victims? I forget the name of it, but in the pictures it's all bandaged up Asian girls lying in hospital beds with catheters in and IV drips hanging and blood seeping through gauze.

Interesting...:confused:
 

petergunn

plywood violin
Anybody ever seen pictures of that porn by those guys who fetishize accident victims? I forget the name of it, but in the pictures it's all bandaged up Asian girls lying in hospital beds with catheters in and IV drips hanging and blood seeping through gauze.

Interesting...:confused:

amputee porn is actually fairly common... i remember reading an article about it in Jim Goad's ANswer ME zine like 15 years ago...

i don't know Zhao, that HR Geiger dildo looks like some boring industrial/fetish culture bullshit thing... like you need to burn incense (or sage), put on a pleather corset, and listen to Peter Murphy before you stick that thing in yr twat... yawn, no thanks...

that whole ULTIMATE DILDO thing is def a mostly male fetish of WHAT GIRLS LIKE... like all those FUCK MACHINE pornos (whatever they call that thing, the Sybian?)... reminds me of G. Clooney in Burn Before Reading... i mean, i am not denying the ladies like them some removable showhead action or a pocket rocket, but when it becomes some weird machine with like 5 different things sticking out of it, like one for the asshole, one for the clit, one for the g spot, one for deep penetration, etc etc etc, it doesn't seem like a woman designed it for a woman, it seems like a perpetually flacid perverted old german scientist (just go with me on this...) thought it up while wiping drool from his gumless mouth...
 

nomadthethird

more issues than Time mag
amputee porn is actually fairly common... i remember reading an article about it in Jim Goad's ANswer ME zine like 15 years ago...

i don't know Zhao, that HR Geiger dildo looks like some boring industrial/fetish culture bullshit thing... like you need to burn incense (or sage), put on a pleather corset, and listen to Peter Murphy before you stick that thing in yr twat... yawn, no thanks...

that whole ULTIMATE DILDO thing is def a mostly male fetish of WHAT GIRLS LIKE... like all those FUCK MACHINE pornos (whatever they call that thing, the Sybian?)... reminds me of G. Clooney in Burn Before Reading... i mean, i am not denying the ladies like them some removable showhead action or a pocket rocket, but when it becomes some weird machine with like 5 different things sticking out of it, like one for the asshole, one for the clit, one for the g spot, one for deep penetration, etc etc etc, it doesn't seem like a woman designed it for a woman, it seems like a perpetually flacid perverted old german scientist (just go with me on this...) thought it up while wiping drool from his gumless mouth...

What I'm talking about is a little different than amputee porn, it's just like women who (supposedly, the pictures are all staged, tho) got in a car accident and are severely injured, many of them with casts on and bandages. For some reason they're all Asian women, so perhaps it's some subgenre of Asian fetish porn. My friend had this book full of really weird fetishes, and this was one. It was "popularized" by some American photog who took a bunch of these photos as like an art installation. Wish I had the book so I could get his name...

I know of a few girls who expressed interest in those tiny "bullets" that vibrate and you can put them in your underwear. I doubt they ever really bought them though. I've never met a woman who actually bought sex toys except those horrible girls from the mid-West who model their entire existence on Sex and the City.
 

Sick Boy

All about pride and egos
I know of a few girls who expressed interest in those tiny "bullets" that vibrate and you can put them in your underwear. I doubt they ever really bought them though. I've never met a woman who actually bought sex toys except those horrible girls from the mid-West who model their entire existence on Sex and the City.

I know loads of girls who have these.
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
"amputee porn is actually fairly common... i remember reading an article about it in Jim Goad's ANswer ME zine like 15 years ago... "
A vicar books himself into a hotel and says to the desk clerk "Excuse me young man but I hope that the pornography channel in my room will be disabled?". Gets the reply "No, it's just regular porn you sick bastard".
 

empty mirror

remember the jackalope
^ I had to share that joke with the wife over breakfast. Heh!

My contribution to this promising thread:
77348603_9da8e9c007_o.jpg



I think it is some sort of budgie-tongue manipulator.
 
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