Oliver Craner

[...]

I read half the Swansea one then sent it to a Welshman I know.

...and he hated it.

 

[version]

He bookmarked it then never mentioned it again.

 

[version]

He's not properly Welsh though. His mum's Irish. I should have sent it to his dad instead. He's Welsh.

 

[Corpsey]

Could you record these essays as podcasts Craner?

Luke can sit across from you interjecting with witty poetic bantz.

 

[luka]

He's not properly Welsh though. His mum's Irish. I should have sent it to his dad instead. He's Welsh.

craners not properly welsh either. im more welsh than he is.

 

[Corpsey]

Can you write an essay about this please craner

The 50 sexiest women in Wales

www.walesonline.co.uk

 

[Corpsey]

Isn't it kind of insane not to have Catherine Zeta Jones as number 1?

She only came second on this one too!

The Most Stunning Welsh Actresses

A list of the hottest Welsh actresses of all time with sexy photos. These actresses are born in Wales and consider themselves to be Welsh. They are sexy and talented and use all their God-given goods to their advantage. Whether it is on-screen or on the red carpet, these beautiful Welsh...

www.ranker.com

 

[luka]

craners not properly welsh either. im more welsh than he is.

he always insists on spelling my name 'Davies' in recognition of this fact.

 

[sus]

dissensus pod

 

[Corpsey]

"Craner I must stop you there
That sentence was too much to bear
And though I rudely interject
Our motives roughly intersect
Once more I ask you to consider
The message that your prose delivers
And though you tell some pretty tales
Who are the 50 sexiest birds from Wales?"

 

[...]

Following some useful feedback from Corpsey, I have made a few grammatical corrections.

 

[...]

"Craner I must stop you there
That sentence was too much to bear
And though I rudely interject
Our motives roughly intersect
Once more I ask you to consider
The message that your prose delivers
And though you tell some pretty tales
Who are the 50 sexiest birds from Wales?"

None of them are famous.

 

[Mr. Tea]

I went to see A Matter of Life/Death at the BFI not long ago and on the way out I spotted Gary Oldman and friend.

In a moment of madness I shouted "Mr Oldman!" He turned, startled and afraid. I then shook his hand and said something incredibly witty like "I love your work!" Then scuttled away, my cheeks burning with self-reproach, to spend the rest of the evening writhing in agony.

Should have faux-accidentally called Gary Numan instead, he'd have loved that, I bet.

 

[...]

Can you write an essay about this please craner

The 50 sexiest women in Wales

www.walesonline.co.uk

That list is ridiculous, apart from CZJ and Carol Vorderman, you see sexier women than that every time you go to the supermarket in Barry.

 

[...]

All my readers came from Dissensus this time, apart from 7 who came from Twitter. Thank you everybody!

 

[luka]

We've always got your back Craner. Except Corpsey. He doesn't care about you at all.

 

[...]

Even if I have nobody else out there, I have my Dissensus brothers! Apart from Corpsey.

 

[...]

Although, to be fair to Corpsey, he did help me fix a sentence. Which is the only feedback I've had at all.

 

[luka]

Well you know I always just moan that you're not writing about sex and shoes any more. You don't need to hear that.

 

[...]

It's just been an embarrassed silence echoing around the walls of my laptop screen and bouncing around the dome of my skull.