Overheard conversations/monologues


Well-known member
My gentle friend, if you are still relying on clean and rational explanations and thinking that nothing dark is going on, open your eyes, please! We need you. You are not a robot.


Cat Malogen


in je ogen waait de wind
i was in a train last sunday and it was 11 in the morning. an old guy sat down in the row of chairs besides me, opened half can of beer, and started video calling someone. this person answered his phone call with "heyyyy you old fart" and the guy in the train said "pssss, not so loud, i have you on the loudspeaker, everybody can hear you" and then at one point he got asked what he was doing in the train and he said "well, i'm going to this all inclusive hotel for four days, it got free food, drinks, swimming pool, sauna, everything. when i get there i'm gonna smoke a bunch of cigarettes on my balcony, watch formula 1 and order two hookers"


is not like other people
don't worry there will be a realistic customisable "drunkenness" patch you can run on your"self" for a few nanoseconds
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Cat Malogen
An auntie is visiting from Belfast, on the phone this morning (typed as accurately as possible during it all)

She has a touch of dementia so she does, she was caught popping out for a wheeze on a fag and forgot how to get back in her home....... i know, for the love of god. Eva too, been skundered all lockdown, what would Patsy think? people have lost their minds

.....ad infinitum
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Well-known member
Not really overheard, so much as something said directly to me, which struck me for some reason.

Working at home yesterday, there was a knock at the door, very young lad, like late teens, carrying a big holdall. He started speaking very briskly, explaining that he had been in trouble with the law with a cannabis conviction and was now trying to turn his life around, beocme a tree surgeon.

So he was trying to get money together for a chainsaw licence, so he could become a tree surgeon, so he was selling usefulhome products...

So then he got his holdall out and showed me a few bits, like a duster for ceilings to remove cobwebs, which we could actually do with, and some fridge balls, to keep the fridge fresh.

Anyway, I didn't buy anything but there was this one phrase he said repeatedly, I mean, his whole speech was like a well-rehearsed script, but he kept saying

"I'm just trying to pull myself out of my own failure"

and i dunno why, but it just struck me a bit... it felt like such an odd interaction, but maybe post-pandemic it's like we are back in the 70s and there are suddenly people knocking on your door, bringing the shop to the house a bit more. But this sort of script, I've not seen that for a while.


Well-known member
Yeah I never heard of cobra group tbh but it felt like a ridiculously well rehearsed speech. Reminded me a bit of that recent Andrea arnold film as well. A24 again.

When I was at uni, I nearly got trapped into signing up to this sort of scheme, if was a thing where you go to America and sell encyclopedias door to door, but I told someone at a party I was thinking of doing it and they warned me off, based on someone they know.

If I see him again, I'll ask him.

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
I can't take credit for this one, but years ago on the b3ta messageboard the theme for the 'question of the week' board was overheard conversations. The one that really stuck with me was from some guy who'd been sat on a bus in Bristol and had overheard a couple who were having a very public row.

The best line was when the bloke said - in what I can only assume was a broader-than-broad, working-class Bristolian accent - "Oi loves yer, oi shags yer, oi buys yer chips - an' yer still does me 'ead in!"


bandz ahoy
After touching down, the brunette shared another snap on her Instagram story of the luggage conveyer belt with the caption: "I love it when my luggage is lost!" But that didn't stop Ivana from wowing fans with some cheeky snaps.