Alexa, pause
.....No tv or mobiles to see the Old Firm. No away days at Easter Rd for Hibs or even them waste Jambos. Miss the old man and away days at the football, don’t you. Admit it. No windows either here. Genuinely threw me initially, like living in London except for His whatsit’s omnipotent light bearing down on everyone and everything. We don’t sleep, you see. He overdoes it. Think He might be bipolar. All or nothing. Grumpy. Sulks and strops. Come down for breakfast, fridge covered in fluro post-its about milk theft. Cunt can turn water into wine any moment he pleases, see where I’m coming from. Tight AND a booze-hound, definitely a closet Calvinist but He won’t tell anyone for fear of dividing the faiths. Madness. Sound familiar?
How’s the Hoops? No-one here is interested in titles, Lisbon 67, Lennon squaring up to McCoisht, Gers going into administration or England losing to Iceland. Iceland. Too funny, still. Youse should find a bottle of tyrconnell under the bureau, a dram each quick, you can’t be late with the admin prefects. Tedious rules, no cunt mentions the litter problems, so break your rule for a swig. Go on yourself. Cheers! Another, be rude not to
Anyway, I’m away now agin. Keep an eye on everyone, specially your aunt Sissy. Never got over Patsy’s death in Strabane. Shame, waste of a brain. And your sister’s excuse of a husband. You have my express permission to lean exceptionally heavily on that wee excuse of a cunt any time any way you see fit. He’ll fold, watch. Keep at it, no-one’s going to do it for you. Put on Ssssh Peaceful or Pharaoh S. Fist bump? Cat malogen planet, gone to shite, taxi.....