Strange British Things.

mixed_biscuits

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@mvuent @Clinamenic @linebaugh can you believe the Brits have never had a snickerdoodle? Never had a warm peanut butter cookie adorned by fork-pressed grid? A cowboy cookie with trailmix? Neverhad a thumbprint cookie with apricot jam, or a soft chewy molasses cookie?
This is just saying 'can you believe that the British aren't pathologically imprinted to the most basic oral pleasure circuit?' The entirety of American culture is a paean to the blessed state of babyhood, suckling at the breast and being fed sugary sugary food. All the food is wet and warm and childish gobby and gloopy and in vast quantities with the adult babies gorging themselves until they are enveloped in the warm flesh of their personal fat suit. Nothing must get in the way of the Feed: every event is merely a pretext to eat. Sports fixtures are preceded by hours of gorging, with the sport itself carefully designed to be either uneventful or repetitive enough to present no risk of distraction from the quivering pink nipple of the blubbery footlong or the spongy breast of the doughnut. Even their President is a boob.
 

shakahislop

Well-known member
we do have cookies. you can buy them in tescos and you have been able to for about 25 years. generally the difference between the american sense of biscuits and the european sense of biscuits is that the american ones have about twice as much sugar in them
 

mixed_biscuits

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In actual fact, there has been some progression to subsequent psychological stages: the messy brown splurge of US savoury food clearly represents pre-potty training anal incontinence wish fulfilment, with recent environmental prohibitions being an attempt at clean-up , an injunction to use the potty and not leave shit everywhere.
 

sus

Well-known member
we do have cookies. you can buy them in tescos and you have been able to for about 25 years. generally the difference between the american sense of biscuits and the european sense of biscuits is that the american ones have about twice as much sugar in them
I'm sorry that in all your time stateside nobody made you homemade cookies
 

sus

Well-known member
I would NEVER eat or buy cookies from Tescos. For the record. Everyone knows supermarket cookies are terrible. What I'm talking about are grandma's homemade cookies, home-baked offerings at Lion's Club fundraisers and staff appreciation parties. Tate's are the only remotely acceptable store bought cookie and they're Just OK.
 

sus

Well-known member
It's like if Shaka bought a slice of pizza at the Greenwich 7/11, that's been sitting on the heating rack for 3 days until it has the consistency of cardboard, and then thinking that he's experienced New York pizza.
 

shakahislop

Well-known member
I have visited new york's finest and most critically acclaimed bakeries and all of the cookies tasted principally of sugar. You need to get a digestive or some shortbread in you spendo, solid brexit biscuits, you'll understand that biscuits are about butter while cookies are about sugar
 
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