Very short poems you like

[pattycakes_]

within could have winged it

 

[sus]

The sun is always rising and it's always setting and what matters is where you stand

 

[sus]

"We often proceed as if we know things without a sense of what knowledge even is…. The earth is turning, for instance: sure, we know that because we’ve memorized it. But our knowledge of the earth’s turn is false, it is knowledge without context, disconnected from the rest of the universe. When the sun rises, we think it’s rising. When it sets, we think it’s setting.”

 

[luka]

He who binds to himself a joy
Does the winged life destroy
He who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in eternity's sunrise

Only good one so far

 

[woops]

I'm not saying it isn't beautiful, true etc and I'm not going to try to improve on it. i just don't think that last line quite scans

 

[luka]

You have put a lot of effort into voicing eternitys to make it work

 

[Benny Bunter]

If you emphasise eternity's, as you should cos it's a key word, it works perfectly, and it varies the rhythm in an interesting way.

 

[pattycakes_]

What about just removing in?

Lives eternity's sunrise

emphasize lives and rise

 

[Benny Bunter]

That would destroy the sense

 

[luka]

If you emphasise eternity's, as you should cos it's a key word, it works perfectly, and it varies the rhythm in an interesting way.

Yeah, its a mistake to think every line has to be completely regular. Sometimes you need to experiment with different voicings to make a line work. Thats not a fault of the poem. Thats your responsibility.

 

[luka]

Obviously none of us get taught this stuff we have to work it out ourselves

 

[pattycakes_]

That would destroy the sense

Not necessarily for the worse

To live something versus live in something

 

[Benny Bunter]

Not necessarily for the worse

To live something versus live in something

Ok, i see what you mean, it would change the sense rather than destroy it, but it works fine as it is if you read it properly, and you can see from this that he chose his words very deliberately:



Let's not fuck with this immortal poem!

 

[Benny Bunter]

Blake gets criticised a fair bit for being quite rough around the edges, but it's stuff like that gives his work texture, and I think they're mostly deliberate choices.

 

[Benny Bunter]

Other more boring poets might have smoothed it out, but that wouldn't have improved the poem. It's a feature that makes him stand out, it's all tied in with his freedom and individuality.

 

[Benny Bunter]

You have to go to him rather than just let him come to you.