I’m stuck in a miserable and futile existence

[luka]

woops told me to read this and the comments lol

Guardian Pick​

Beautiful clothes can be bought cheaply at charity shops, as can books. Books can also be borrowed for free if you have a nearby library. Some of us find that walking in local green spaces is a good way to improve our mental health. No fancy holiday destination required.

I’m stuck in a miserable and futile existence | Ask Philippa

Difficult feelings should be welcomed, say Philippa Perry. They can help us find out what changes we need to make

www.theguardian.com

 

[woops]

nourishing meals can be made cheaply and simple. cardboard and ketchup is delicious and costs £70 a head .

 

[luka]

a face painted on a football can be a convincing and rewarding substitute for personal relationships with friends and lovers

 

[woops]

taking a negative contract may mean sharing a smaller flat, but many have used this as a springboard to further thing.

 

[luka]

cheer up love, at least your not in a concentration camp

 

[woops]

economise on the gas bill by leaving it on with your head in the oven. save time while wanking by hanging yourself at the same time. local urchins will pull on your legs for as little as $84

 

[woops]

if you dont smoke or drink, consider starting. youll find a plentiful supply if fag butts in local greenspace. no fancy tobacconist required. distill your own piss for a cheap and inexpensive g&t

 

[woops]

ma.ny have found satisfaction in a cheap and refreshing kill yourself - but realise their duty to be annoyed by noisy neighbours.

 

[luka]

instead of letting the lack of hot water get you down instead consider the health benefits of cold showers

 

[woops]

you're fortunate to have a loving other half but deep down they don't care if you live ir die

 

[woops]

now may be the time to start a new hobby - why not clean my toilet for as little as €63? an inexpensive meal for a family of noisy neighbours trapped in a futile existence.o

 

[woops]

have you read mans search for meaning if not borrow it inexpensively from a local library. if you incur an overdrawn charge move house and get a job. wash your hair it reeks.

 

[Murphy]

gather fag butts, break the remaining tobacco into a clay pipe foraged at low tide along the banks of the Thames, inhale deeply, breathe out the future while facing back into the past

 

[woops]

can you tell the time? if not, consider learning. the big hand is a cheap and delicious way of knowing how many minutes are past the hour. many people find tying their shoelaces excellent exercise. no need for expensive slip on loafers

 

[Mr. Tea]

Beautiful clothes can be bought cheaply at charity shops, as can books. Books can also be borrowed for free if you have a nearby library. Some of us find that walking in local green spaces is a good way to improve our mental health. No fancy holiday destination required.

I thought @Corpsey had written this, then I realised it said "walking."

 

[Mr. Tea]

can you tell the time? if not, consider learning. the big hand is a cheap and delicious way of knowing how many minutes are past the hour. many people find tying their shoelaces excellent exercise. no need for expensive slip on loafers

Strong 'Viz Top Tips' vibe to a lot of your suggestions here.

 

[woops]

difficult feelings should be welcomed, says @Poet for Hire. they remind you that existence is a total fuckin waste of effort. any idiot can recognise this truth. no wank university education with a degree that aint worth the paper its written on required.

 

[woops]

subscribe to viz? economise by reading a dissensus thread where sad old losers get a rise from mocking well intentioned advice.

 

[Murphy]

The Sopranos is a trans-millennial epic of Shakespearean magnitude. Ward off gloomy, damp, moldy suicidal thoughts brought on by solipsism and midwinter by subscribing to developing blockchain streaming services - £25k minimum level tiered service. No need to exercise when Richie Aprile‘s Manson lamps are delighting you and your two Facebook acquaintances during a lockdown virtual group watching party

 

[sus]

Jaysus fucking Christ