The press release hall of shame thread

zhao

there are no accidents
When Forteba’s first album “Space Between Us” was released on Plastic City in 2007, the listeners and critics were convinced by the clear sound and the clear intention Krisztián Dobrocsi followed with this debut. It was a getaway from every day life with senstive sounds in a relation chip with music that became equal with a loved person and it allowed the listener to throw all negative feelings in the box the beats built by giving them a stream into space of consciousness. Since then he worked on the second album while touring through the world and working with his beside project as Krisztián Decay where he convinces as lounge producer. Now it is time for his second album “For Some Time Past” to explore the world and to shape it with a new facet of deep electronic house music.

well i sure am convinced.
 

alex

Do not read this.
yea that press release for the latest surface tension is ghey, but the tunes are fiya, espec the geiomix, played that sunday...
 

john eden

male pale and stale
"Survival is for Bear Grills", says international rave legend and Glade
Festival co-founder Nick Ladd, "You go to a festival to have a good time!"
This is the art of festival 'thrival'...

Glade Festival head honcho and general festival guru Nick Ladd has put
together his festival 'Thrival' guide for all those unsure on general
procedure for enduring the hardships of the everyday festival, i.e. Glade
Festival.

"thrival". :mad::eek:
 

Tentative Andy

I'm in the Meal Deal
^^ Oh lord, that Surface Tension press release is just pure, unadulterated hilarity. Just took a look back over it and burst out laughing all over again. Cheered me right up that did. :D
 

unclerico

Well-known member
^^ Oh lord, that Surface Tension press release is just pure, unadulterated hilarity. Just took a look back over it and burst out laughing all over again. Cheered me right up that did. :D

you think that is bad, check out this absolute monstrosity

"Foulplaydubstep once again sets the bar high with the Payin Dues album. With production from producers which hail from all over the globe this album hits hard with anything from club step wobblers, to smash mouth teeth grinding bass, and of course a couple melodic panty wetter’s for the ladies. The top notch tunes from Prodigal son which is one of drum and bass’s amen legends comes hard with two thuggy and grimy tunes (Crack Cocaine/Dun Call the Police), Richie August puts his two sense in with Hustle Baby which will rumble your double 18 cabs to shreds, Substacja’s tune is a remix of one of Prolific’s and a6’s tunes THE TAKOVER which breaks the boundaries of underground hip hop and dub step by bridging the gap, 2mc one of Israel’s top production crews put down the body fluids which is a combination of some wobble and the tough stuff, Digid which is Belgium’s pride brought the absence of light tune which in my personal opinion is the gem of the album and is fucking sicker then aids, Atariwun which hails from Australia his tune FIRE is exactly what is says FIRE a wobbler that will make your dance floor move in synchronous order, Vandal aka his tune is DIM SUM which is another top notch wobbler, all the other tunes you can see for yourself and know that we are continuing to kill people globally. Foulplaydubstep only brings the heat for the fans, for the dj’s, and more importantly the haters. For more information on this release, bio information and upcoming releases visit myspace.com/foulplaydubstep or foulplayrecords.com."

He also says "for know we will give you this gem to feast on"

feasting on gems would surely "smash mouth"?
 

john eden

male pale and stale
The line-up of films for this year’s event is headlined by the UK premiere on Friday October 2nd of ‘Stick With Me’, a debut drama directed by Bernard Kordieh – a former UEL student, an institution which can also lay claim to having unearthed film director Ken Russell and grime artist Tinchy Stryder.

Unearthed?!
 

michael

Bring out the vacuum
The line-up of films for this year’s event is headlined by the UK premiere on Friday October 2nd of ‘Stick With Me’, a debut drama directed by Bernard Kordieh – a former UEL student, an institution which can also lay claim to having unearthed film director Ken Russell and grime artist Tinchy Stryder.

Unearthed?!

Not to mention that they probably didn't mean to say that Bernard Kordieh is "an institution which can..."
 

Diggedy Derek

Stray Dog
This one from Jori Holkkenen is pretty extraordinary:

Having released my first proper artist album in 1996 for the French label F communications (defunct now since 2008, with my album "Errare Machinale Est" as their final release -coincidence?), I've managed to do something I never thought would be possible, something that I'm the most proud of all things in my career: never becoming popular. 
 
After nine albums, dozens of pseudonym releases on super hot labels (like Rekids and Get Physical just to mention a couple from the past few years), close to a hundred remixes, my own radio show on national radio for more than a decade (in Finland though, so it may not count), thousands of DJ gigs all over the world under my belt (OK I never actually counted but a quick calculation tells me it must be close to 2000 now), producing and writing songs for the likes of Tiga (whom I created in the first place), and having a reputation as a producer who can make an 808 kick drum sound like a jazzy flute, you'd expect that there was a time when I was The Shit. But I never was! 
 

Papercut

cut to the bone
^^^

yeah, not shameful like the other ones, doesn't have the grandious, pompous elements that they have in spades.
 

tyranny

Well-known member
Now THIS is shameful


Prepare yourself for two brand new, dark and relentless tracks on the seventh release of Belgium based label Future Sickness. Breath of Steel by Lucio Di Rimanez is a techno influenced, stomping track with snares ready to slay an army of mechanical zombies and a haunting synth melody that sounds like it was recorded in the middle of the factory in which they were build. The first deceiving tones of Gancher's First Cosmic give you only moments to heal. Your hiding place isn't safe for long though and before you know what's going on, an onslaught of screaming stabs, distorted kicks and some very aggressive breakbeats drop hard and keep going until there is nothing left. This is not a record for the faint hearted but it is highly recommended for those who never leave the house without a sawn-off shotgun and a few hand grenades... just in case.

Nphonix: another two killer tech dancefloor tunes from the frontline of new russian d&b scene

Gein: Another great release from Future Sickness. Been playing these tracks alot. A cluster bomb on the dance-floor!

Breaker & Silent Killer (Guerilla records): New 12" from the sickness crew that witholds two of the most promising new prospects of today Lucio De Rimanez is giving the dark side a true need for stepping up the mainframe.
 

michael

Bring out the vacuum
^^ Haha, I like this bit:

Breaker & Silent Killer (Guerilla records): New 12" from the sickness crew that witholds two of the most promising new prospects of today Lucio De Rimanez is giving the dark side a true need for stepping up the mainframe.

Withholds?? Yep, keep on holding those prospects back. Don't release them on the 12" or anything. :)

(Obligatory equivocation: English must be a nightmare if it's not your first language)
 

tyranny

Well-known member
^^ Haha, I like this bit:



Withholds?? Yep, keep on holding those prospects back. Don't release them on the 12" or anything. :)

(Obligatory equivocation: English must be a nightmare if it's not your first language)




The funny thing is that, despite it being a release by Russians on a Belgian label, that little feedback quote was written by Americans!

But yes, English must be a nightmare indeed, and respect to those who grapple with it in order to gift the world with what must surely rank as the most ephemeral of all linguistic undertakings, the promo hype sheet to be inserted in a paper sleeve with a white label record.

I'd be amazed if anyone has ever read the few of them I've ever written in my time, although I'm told one distributor at least is a fan of my work :)
 

nochexxx

harco pronting
Oh, and lest we forget, the press release for 'Immaterial' is accompanied by an nsufferably pretentious text from jowly rock critic Paul Morley, which we quote below in full for your amusement/amazement. Fact


/Look/lonelady/brace yourself/because nothing is true and nothing is untrue/for those who look to Warp of Sheffield and outer space and inside their collective head/ for signs of life/noise/and something else/not found somewhere else/listen/this is/for those who want to see these words (the diagram of bones form a geometry of murder)(the world of the inner skull) in a promotional bulletin alerting you to/something else in music/coming your way/the dirty and diseased blank and disjointed clear eyed and cut up/ guitar/and ballardian bass and neu sway and snap cerebral judgements and a ghostly free for all space around the voice and thinking/ where fresh and hidden meanings lurk/ and a change of pace and heavy breathing on the scandalizing surface and ballet drums and crimes of the future and time lapse rhythms and lost and found sounds and the martian moors and the outside of everything/stop/move/I’m told she’s supported wire/I suppose she has/she might also have supported monochrome set patti smith and the bush tetras/she might have been Fac 17/or she might have sung two shows with Section 25 and once met Blue Orchids around the back of a cinema showing Existenz/she might be the love/hate/beat child of a Bunnyman and a Foxx/of a Stipe and a Smith/of a lullaby and a lament/of shadowplay and little Johnny jewel/gertrude stein and elizabeth cotten/the lone ranger and yoko ono/howl and faust and/ I don’t know/I’d like to see some made up details/the music/sounds like a soundtrack to some made up details/she sounds (tense) like she wants your attention/I’m told she has already had a bit of attention/I’m sure she has/from those that give early attention/I’m sure she has a real name/I like the idea she hasn’t/like she really wants us to mind our own business/if I was in charge we’d never know her real name/or lonelady is her real name/or she sold her real name to get the cash to buy her first guitar/which she plays as though it is a deviant instrument/able to traumatize/I naturally think of the flesh and metal guitar of the banshees/mackay and mcgeoch and even smith and carruthers/when the future was filled with guitars that crashed into your senses/because brutalisation had a place in pop/ferocity and secrets too/guitars you like to hear crushed and crammed onto seven inch singles/where they know their place and can cut into your life/so it’s good to know that immaterial is the first of a series of seven inch singles/leading up to a first album/early 2010/produced by guy fixsen who has/I’m told/worked with the breeders/my bloody valentine/stereolab/I’m told these things/so I’m telling you/and she’s a pop singer/and I’m a pop writer/and she’s one to watch/lonelady/but watch your step/end message//paulmorley///151009
 
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