The press release hall of shame thread

M

martin

----
Tentative Andy said:
Hahaha, all of that is great, but the one bit that really jumps out is the use of "cripes". Cripes?!? CRIPES!?!?! I never believed anyone could use that word seriously in any situation, let alone in a promotional document. :eek: :eek:
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Yeah, that was the bit where I was convinced it was a wind-up from someone I knew (we used to send each other fake press releases a lot) but I actually checked this out and it was bona fide PR group for a legitimate IT security analyst.
 
john eden

john eden

male pale and stale
also nil points for anything which is described as "genre-defying". Especially if it means it's a horrible mish mash of shite hip hop, bass, "rave" and shite jazz.
 
Elijah

Elijah

Butterz
"An eighties lick with a contemporary twist makes it my drive time pick!" (JEZ WELHAM - KISS 100 FM)

"Dance floor destroyer". (DJ MAGAZINE – MARCH 2008 EDITION)

"The song is both positive and promising making us a proud sponsor". (JEREMY FESTA – HEAD OF MARKETING - OAKLEY CLOTHING)

After the success of L STAR & TWEETI’s debut release ‘STREET DREAMZ’, the duo are back with the official remix. The original is already a firm favourite amongst the urban music scene with the sampling sensation rapidly generating what can only be described as musical madness.

Championed by KISS 100’s JEZ WELHAM – who labelled the original – “SOMETHING SPECIAL” and independently pushed by L STAR & TWEETI, the tracks popularity has been almost unexpected. A combination of mass downloads; MySpace plays and video votes for the track’s original video have surpassed any expectations or targets. Standing as a TOP 5 CHANNEL U video for 16 weeks, there just had to be a remix, and now we have it!!

Featuring the lyrical acrobatics of UK Hip Hop's very own godfather 'SKINNYMAN' (COUNCIL ESTATE OF MIND), this recipe of refreshed eighties flavour pushes the UK urban music scene even further into prominence! Coupled with a heavy sprinkling of specialist sound effects from the Prince of Grime/Garage himself - FLIRTA D (HYPE HYPE) - propels its potential even further in the direction of distinction.

Already receiving rave reviews from pirate radio and internet stations alike, this “DANCEFLOOR DESTROYER” (DJ MAGAZINE) stands as a contemporary contribution and example of sampling with skill. Both eclectic and energetic each MC's offering oozes individual style and finesse whilst remaining integrated and involved throughout the whole three minutes. Minutes that can only be described as musical magic, a magic that seems to already have a considerably growing audience.

Coupling this musical movement with their own clothing line "DOIN IT CLOTHING" sales figures for these products have recently reached a national level. Heavily supported by top names in the UK urban music scene the "IM DOIN IT" logo again stands as an excellent example of the duos developments and directions for the future!
 
S

Sick Boy

All about pride and egos
I'm a fan of the myspace bio written as if it wasn't written by the artist themself, though it clearly is.
 
T

tyranny

Well-known member
Elijah said:
Yea, can we include these in the thread please!
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RANDALL STARTED DJING AT THE AGE OF 17 INTRIDUCED TO DJ SRCATICHING AND MIXING BY A MATE @ COLLEGE WHO WAS DOWN WID DJ POGO/CUTMASTER SWIFT AND OTHER DJS IN THE LATE 80s WHO WHERE BIG IN THE GAME AT THE TIME....WAS A BANK HOLIDAY IN 87 NOTTING HILL CARNIVAL WHERE HE WAS INTRODUCED TO ACID HOUSE MUSIC, HE HAD TO KNOW MORE BOUT THIS NEW SOUND HE HAD WITNESSED, THE WAY PEOPLE WERE ALL TOGTHER GETTING DOWN TO THIS SOUND...... RANDALL STARTED BUYING RECORDS AND LISTEN TO DJS LIKE RYTHUM DOCTOR,ROB ACKINSON,LINDON C,MR C WHO WERE PART OF A CRU CALLED “HYPNOSIS”....BUT IT WAS R.DOCTOR THAT BLEW HIM AWAY BY THE WAY HE MIXED TUNES...IT WAS PURE CLASS...LATE IN 88 A GUY GOT A MIX TAPE THAT HAD DID THE ROUNDS IN MY AREA...(EAST LONDON).AND ASKED ME IF ID PLAY WID THEM AT A WHAREHOUSE PARTY IN STATFORD E.15. THE CRU WERE CALLED “DELERIUM”............... AFTER PLAYING A FEW DATES IN THE SAME WHAREHOUSE IT WAS A SAT NITE WHERE HE HOOKED UP WID MR PASHA WHO WAS RUNNING A PIRATE RADIO STATION CALLED “CENTREFORCE RADIO 88.3...HE LIKED THE WAY I PLAYED AND OFFERED ME A SAT NITE SHOW 10-12..HE COULDNT REFUSE THE OFFER....FOLLWING WEEK RANDALLS SOUND WAS ON THE AIRWAVES ACROSS LONDON...... .. MANY ILLIGAL PARTYS LATER GOT A BREAK PLAYING AT LIVING DREAM@EASTWAY SEED STADIUM IN LEYTON.(10,000 PEPS) COLIN DALE SIDNT TURN UP SO HE HAD TO PLAY 3HRS...THR R HAD BEEN NOTICED...AND WAS OFFERED A RESIDENT SATNITE SET WID A CRU CALLED “ORANGE” @ROCKET CLUB(HOLLOWAY RD) WID DJS HYPE GROOVE,FABIO, RAP,SQUIRRAL, ECT.....3YRS AFTER A WICKED WID ORANGE HE GOT AN OFFER TO PLAY WID A CRU CALLED “AWOL/WORLD DANCE..WHO HAD A CLUB JUS STARTED CALLED PARADISE CLUB IN ISLINGTON WID OTHER DJS, MICKEY FINN,KENNY KEN,DARREN JAY,GACHET AN MC GQ...HISTORY WAS IN THE MAKIN..FOR SHURE........ .. BY NOW RANDALL WAS WID COOLHAND FLEX,UNCLE22,MIKE WHO HAD A SHOP IN FORESTGATE CALLED DEUNDERGROUND RECORDS WHERE THE PUT TUNES OUT ON VARIOUS LABELS 1 WITCH WAS CALLED I.E.RECORDS WITCHED PRODUCED THAT TRK OF THE TIME “WE R E” BY LENNI DEE ICE JUNGLE WAS AROUND THE CORNER.....................CHECK RANDALLS DISCOGAPHY ON TUNES PUT OUT ON VARIOUS LABELS..........................PEACE..KEEP IT MOVING!
 
mixed_biscuits

mixed_biscuits

_________________________
The flyer on Randall's page is a little odd:

l_329d77aa014644e18a8d8f8d36de66ee.jpg
 
B

bassbeyondreason

Chtonic Fatigue Syndrome
European metal labels are the kings of this stuff, such as these gems from a Spinefarm ad:

Play loud or/and keep playing with yourself, and that's an order from Tanja! (accompanied by pic of masculine metal girl)

Charceron's leather wings will flap the living shit out of you! Heavy metal rock and roll!
 
Slothrop

Slothrop

Tight but Polite
Gig advert not a press release but
"Tonight, Necro-Sadistic Goat Torture unveil their new acoustic-folk-whimsy direction."
 
T

tyranny

Well-known member
Dive into the heart of the DRUM AND BASS scene with FASTLANE, monthly two-hour webradioshow moderated by FX909 and MISS DROP.

Both have the knowledge of their subject since by their respective activities, they rub on a daily basis by many members in this arena at an international level: DJs, producers, promoters.

Far from the TOP TEN D'n'B, the first non-mixed hour is devoted to interviews, news, blows of heart of the duo not stingy info and short stories of all kinds.

The second time, will be without having to talk, is a "guest dj mix" skillfully selected by our two friends, perfect for fans of traditional DJ mix.
 
Leo

Leo

Well-known member
A Mountain Of One have produced one of the albums of the year. Institute Of Joy is one of the most ambitious, direct and phenomenal records for a long time...
 
john eden

john eden

male pale and stale
"Clocking in at well over an hour, the album may best be described as the internal monologue of an insomniac, beginning around 4 AM."

Count me in for that one!
 
S

Sick Boy

All about pride and egos
john eden said:
"Clocking in at well over an hour, the album may best be described as the internal monologue of an insomniac, beginning around 4 AM."

Count me in for that one!
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Yeah, the way I read that is the album makes you pray to any god who will hear it to deliver the sweet relief that only sleep can provide. Come to think of it, this wasn't a Coldplay press release was it?
 
john eden

john eden

male pale and stale
"it's one hour hour long, but feels like eight!"

It was some experimental dubsteppy shit. Inevitably.

Fortunately there was no link to an mp3, just the blurb. Pefect for this thread!
 
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