I love to "ride" my bicycle

vimothy

yurp
Man who had sex with bike in court

Robert Stewart was discovered in his room by two cleaners at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr, south west Scotland, in October last year.

On Wednesday Mr Stewart admitted to sexual breach of the peace in Ayr Sheriff Court, where depute fiscal Gail Davidson described how he had been found by the hostel workers.

She said: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white T-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

Both witnesses, who were extremely shocked, notified the hotel manager, who in turn alerted the police.

Mr Stewart was placed on the sex offenders’ register but his sentence was deferred until next month.

He is not the first man to be convicted of a sexual offence involving an inanimate object, however.

Karl Watkins, an electrician, was jailed for having sex with pavements in Redditch, Worcs, in 1993.​
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
That seems a bit unfair to be honest. Whatever he was doing he was doing in his own (hotel) room behind locked doors, how can he end up in court for that? If someone is "having sex" with a vibrator is that also illegal? That's an inanimate object too right?
 

vimothy

yurp
This is the best bit:

Karl Watkins, an electrician, was jailed for having sex with pavements in Redditch, Worcs, in 1993.

Pavements!
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
The only people I can possibly see being 'victims' in this case are the cleaners, who have probably seen things just as 'indecent' as that (albeit less bizarre) plenty of times before (walking in on a young couple on a dirty weekend or a bored businessman self-administering some executive relief, sort of thing). So unless one of them is really taking the piss and pressing charges for 'emotional trauma' or something, or the unlikely scenario that he was fucking someone else's bike, it does seem a bit unfair.
 

swears

preppy-kei
You just know those cleaners who grassed him up will be telling that story over the garden fence for years. If anything, he's provided them with entertainment.

Oddball pervs of the world, we salute you!
 

noel emits

a wonderful wooden reason
Why would that make sense?
Why did they phone the Police?

What was he charged with?

Why is there no commentary in the newspaper article about the law regarding having sex with objects in private?

Of course I don't expect it to make sense, it's just an exceptionally shit bit of reporting.
 

Gavin

booty bass intellectual
The only successful sexual relationship occurs when the fantasies of the two
partners overlap. If the man fantasizes that making love is like riding a
bike...

And the woman wants to be penetrated by a stud, then what truly goes on
while they make love is that a horse is riding a bike...with a fantasy like
that, who needs a personality?

Zizek, Abercrombie & Fitch catalog
 

swears

preppy-kei
That Zizek article is proper Paul Morley-esque.

They're probably both writing in the same style as some dada guy from the 20s I've never of...
 
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