The press release hall of shame thread

[nomos]

Well I haven't heard any of their tunes yet, but on jumping skills alone I am going with the young lady with the blue hair.

Indeed Going to wait for the solo album though.

Is it me or did the Electralytes crib their PR from an energy beverage ad?

 

[woops]

that photo is taken from above with them lying in jumping poses, maybe, lol

 

[zhao]

Which is your favourite, Droid?

nothing like mutual appreciation of teen bimbos to re-unite old mates

i encourage further rekindling the flames of friendship by trading PMs which may include favorite photos from private collections.

 

[zhao]

Based on chugging, insistent drums, the listener is led to a place where repetitive droning sounds, pitched up percussion and robotic bleeps dominate. If ever there was a soundtrack lose your mind to in a dark room, then ‘Orbiter' is it.

well i CERTAINLY have no more doubts after reading that.

 

[Benny Bunter]

given that it may be difficult to write for literally countless 12 inches that all more or less sound the same, how many times have you read something like this about a House / Techno record:



like, really? Techno music which is RHYTHM ORIENTED?! now i've heard of everything!

but that's not all! it... FOCUSES ON THE DANCE FLOOR!!!

MY mind is blown. i don't know about you guys.

Always makes me wince when I read reviews on Boomkat talking about 'dancefloor variations'. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

 

[zhao]

given that it may be difficult to write for literally countless 12 inches that all more or less sound the same, how many times have you read something like this about a House / Techno record:

this time around so and so drops 4 tracks of Rhythm oriented jacking beats and heavy bass, but with focus on the dance floor.

like, really? Techno music which is RHYTHM ORIENTED?! now i've heard of everything!

but that's not all! it... FOCUSES ON THE DANCE FLOOR!!!

MY mind is blown. i don't know about you guys.

 

[zhao]

benny is so good he predicted what i was going to say and quoted the future! (sorry about re-arranging my posts - didn't want my making fun of eden and droid to be top of the page but rather my making fun of dance music writing)

 

[zhao]

Always makes me wince when I read reviews on Boomkat talking about 'dancefloor variations'. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

yeah if it was "dancefloor variantions" of like, baroque harpsichord concertos you'd know what they were on about.

but they use the phrase as description don't they? it's a way of saying: "this record does not sound EXACTLY like the next one. honest!"

edit: "but we are not sure exactly HOW it doesn't...)

 

[zhao]

programs his 808 like he never did anything else. Funked-up beats with minimal synths and driving bass complete with vocoders and female vox – dark but sexy!!! And for those of you with a less voracious appetite there is an instrumental version too.

hahaha...

this actually belongs in that journalism cliches thread started by Bun-U but i can't bothered to find it so

After a perfect start with the well-received ______, _______ is back in town showing another side of their warped musical brains. _______ is none other than _______ who needs no introduction to fans of _______, _______, _______, _______ and more recently _______. You know here at _______ we have much love for real house music (!!!). Basic rhythm arrangements, fat basslines made with dirty analogue synth's will always have us misty eyed as we remember the dance parties (Raves) of yesteryear. _______ self titled opener is just the kind of track that would have rocked in 1988 but still has the credentials to smash any dance floor in 2009 and beyond! just let the intro do it's thing, wait for the drums to drop and watch the bomb to explode. (!!!) But that's not all! here at _______ we firmly believe in value for money, so _______ give us the aptly titled _______ Dub. This hook will grab you from the start and will have you thinking that _______ is a resident of the Chi-town? no my brothers and sisters the epicentre of real house music is clearly _______! _______ is set for big things in 2009 with a long player in production as we speak.

oh my gosh tears...

 

[zhao]

and just read a review which said

ECHOCORD, one of the most unique and original labels in the left field electronic music scene.

er... besides Chain Reaction you mean...

 

[zhao]

and the worst part of all this is that i've encountered actual exceptionally brilliant and out standing records with press release that sounds like this.

edit: Ok i stop now

 

[mms]

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i like the bit where she says 'get a life' bewitched weren't even convincing jumpers!

 

[john eden]

"think Todd Edwards meets Burial in an outerspace dreamworld"

 

[mms]

"think Todd Edwards meets Burial in an outerspace dreamworld"

are they just meeting for a friendly chat, are they going to the outerspace dreamworld cafe, or are they having a light dinner before going to do the outerspace dreamworld cinema?

 

[john eden]

...“****” is one of the most popular dubstep songs in Belgium...

 

[nomos]

are they just meeting for a friendly chat, are they going to the outerspace dreamworld cafe, or are they having a light dinner before going to do the outerspace dreamworld cinema?

no it's moot because neither can make out what the other's saying. it's very emotional though.

 

[baboon2004]

no it's moot because neither can make out what the other's saying. it's very emotional though.

i think they feel as though other people are putting fractured words in their mouths too, heightening the pathos.

 

[mms]

no it's moot because neither can make out what the other's saying. it's very emotional though.

burial says: I love your music

todd edwards thinks he says i love cake and orders the desert trolley and embarrases burial by offering him different cakes far too keenly.

 

[john eden]

"Big Green Coach is proud to announce that they are the Official Festival Ticket and
Coach Provider to V Festival 2010. This environmentally responsible travel company
has secured a number of weekend camping tickets for both sites to offer along with
their direct coach services. They aim to provide a more pleasant and environmentally
conscious journey for V festival goers."

Yeah. Hold the front page.

 

[Aww Nein]

Todd Edwards: I boo Love ba da-da JEEsus JEEsus *dom *dom

Burial: Ii can fall YOUOULovin' woooom... /clunk\...nah bruv, itss aabout the muuuussssicccc