The press release hall of shame thread

john eden

male pale and stale
I got an email yesterday which included the phrase "ABSOLUTELY BLOG READY" in its title.

I think I'll be the judge of that.
 

michael

Bring out the vacuum
Not very funny, but persistently missing the mark:

Until now Duffstep has hidden in the seedy undergrowth of London always in disguise, clandestine and covert, ever plotting his imminent escape. This bid for freedom then, is called ‘Getting To Sirius’. Sirius is the brightest star in the night sky, in Ancient Greek times Sirius was said to mark the beginning of summer, where women became aroused and men became weak.

Duffstep’s debut album "Getting To Sirius" is a blend of dub influenced, down tempo beats winding through layers of melody, synths and vocals softening the blow and giving a nice, warm and fuzzy edge to the thick slabs of sonic concrete. Though you don’t have to wait long before a nice big bass-line knocks you down on your arse again.

It’s a migration from early morning blissful sweeps and sonic washes. It is the soul of rave, it is it’s long dead cousin come back to haunt it. It is the sound rave makes when it re-enters the earth’s atmosphere.
 

Sectionfive

bandwagon house
Check us for hot freestyling, hip hop, and gangsta sh!t... And, search us in google for our reverbnation page with videos.


They didn't even provide links
 

alex

Do not read this.
A sonic experiment into Futuristic Nostalgia, it will be a bit like reliving the past in the future. Our guides will be: new crackly electronic music, old 80’s heroes and some 90’s ‘chopped and screwed’ house music to bridge the gap. Codeine and cough syrup are optional extras, but buckle up and jack your body down for what promises to be joyful ride.
.
 

Blackdown

nexKeysound
Some quite jumbled metaphors on this one...

"Analyzing the recent massive die offs of birds, manatees, and sealife we have come to the conclusion that this is due to the rapidly changing climate and general plundering of earths natural resources These are the canaries in the coalmine. Unfortunately the earth is the coalmine, and we've run it into the ground."
 

Aww Nein

Wild Palms
Some quite jumbled metaphors on this one...

"Analyzing the recent massive die offs of birds, manatees, and sealife we have come to the conclusion that this is due to the rapidly changing climate and general plundering of earths natural resources These are the canaries in the coalmine. Unfortunately the earth is the coalmine, and we've run it into the ground."

so the earth is a coalmine, full of dead manetees, thats crashing into the ground.. of another earth..?

was this a music one? would like to see how they fit that in there, maybe their music is as sweet as the song of a canary/manatee (covered in coal)...
 

Blackdown

nexKeysound
Yup, a music release....

"GENERATION HOT"
NUCLEAR WINTER2

Analyzing the recent massive die offs of birds, manatees, and sealife we have come to the conclusion that this is due to the rapidly changing climate and general plundering of earths natural resources These are the canaries in the coalmine. Unfortunately the earth is the coalmine, and we've run it into the ground. This song is dedicated to "Generation Hot," anyone who was born after 1989 and whoever else will have to face this after we are long gone.
 

rwtt

Well-known member
PC079 – Cooh & Current Value / Cooh & Dean Rodell – Naglfar / Medicine – 12″ Vinyl

For centuries man has tried to prevent the mythological Nordic ship “Naglfar” from landing. Inspired by the “Edda”-Saga balkan wunderkind Cooh invites established german artist Current Value to join him on the aside. The result is an ultra-minimal, anthemic headbanger that once again defines techno-dnb. For the flip Cooh collaborates with legendary techno-producer, now turned dnb-head Dean Rodell. Their track “Medicine” is the best of both genres combined in an innovative yet relentless and quirky stomper that sure will cure every crowd!

when it comes to techno-dnb, i am partial to an ultra-minimal, anthemic headbanger....
 

tusk

Terranaut
_____ was born to do this. The son of a disco dj and a folk music fanatic, his passion for music developed from two very different places. High school was all hip hop as the turntables came out of the basement. While others were obsessed with "keeping it real", he kept it open, and dance floor friendly, hitting up a few raves and feeling the lasers. FFWD ten years to audio school in Vancouver, and another five partying in the house scene, then WHAM - IT'S DRUM AND BASS! Quick as a snare rush he assembled the ______, and took the helm with ______. Together they promote the full spectrum of DnB and embrace the full Bass Culture Community. This is the new face of Drum and Bass in Vancouver.
 

tusk

Terranaut
more joy from Vancity...

A man and his machines becoming one! Head-crushing sound spewing from every bass-bellowing steam pipe in this electronic sound machine. Dark, oscillating bass with a heavy metal vibe is the power mechanic, driving robot mallets into an arsenal of digital drumkits with head-crushing synthesis. ______ has come up fast in this scene; stemming from ________, he has made a name for his very energetic solo live performance and brings a new light to dark, dub-driven glitchhop.
 

john eden

male pale and stale
2011 seems to be about two things. Everyone’s getting a bit flustered about
moving one more small step towards the 2012 Olympics, and wondering whether
anything will actually be ready by the time the games come around. Much more
importantly, however, 2011 looks set to be the year that Lady Gaga gets her
role as the ‘Queen of Pop’ usurped.​
Yeah forget about Tahir Square and the country going down the shitter.

Also, in the same agonisingly unending release:

‘SNUFF POP’: SOCRATES MITSIOS AND ACTUALLY HUIZENGA
Socrates Mitsios and Actually (nee Ashely) Huizenga provide us with the
(somewhat disturbing) revelations that influenced their risqué short film
trilogy, “Pop Rape”, with photographic documentation by the ever-in-demand
Socrates himself.​
 

wise

bare BARE BONES
***********’s first album for ******* is a collection of tracks that should come with the warning "be prepared to sweat".

The last few years have seen ******* working hard on the optimum formula for getting down and having non-stop fun.......

.....It's made with a brazen and unashamed love for dance music, mixing energetic tropes into a sticky tropical punch.
 

Sectionfive

bandwagon house
We are pleased to announce The Vinyl Factory's collectible art and vinyl limited edition of the Pet Shop Boys' new ballet score: an exclusive, limited art edition, with only 500 copies available worldwide, each hand-numbered and signed by the Pet Shop Boys. Designed by Farrow, who also collaborated with the artists on the much sought after collector’s edition of their last album, Yes, this stunning release features music and artwork exclusive to The Vinyl Factory edition.

A silk cloth bound hard board slipcase contains a hardback book with seven record sleeves. Six of these house heavyweight 180-gram vinyl records pressed on the EMI 1400. The records feature the Pet Shop Boys’ music for the ballet as well as the original demo versions of each of the compositions, only available in this release.

The seventh sleeve contains an oversized foldout sheet music print, signed by Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe. The ballet’s synopsis is printed onto the record sleeves so that each has an accompanying narrative that reads like a storybook.

Set to become a prized collectors item, this beautiful deluxe edition is available to pre-order now exclusively from the Vinyl Factory link below. Estimated shipping date is May 14th, 2011.
The price is £350.

Sounds like those M&S ad
 

Sectionfive

bandwagon house
Cooking up some serious mixed heat in Tech, Deep and Sexy funk’dup Nudisco Minimal house Grooves, with a Twist!!
 
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