Not Being Gay

IdleRich

IdleRich
Now this is something that came to me second-hand through people taking the piss out of it, but that led to me iooking into it as I realised there had to be a real thing happening somewhere for people to bother taking the piss - and there definitely is a real thing.

So what I'm talking about here is people desperately worrying about things that might make them look gay and going online to ask people about it. And, extra weirdly, I have also seen women talking about it and judging men according to these insane criteria, so, while it's obviously totally bonkers, I suppose you could say that in a way, if you are interested in a certain type of woman, there is a sort of reason to care. IF that is you're incredibly insecure, desperate and very very sad...

Anyway, what I'm on about isn't really clear without some examples so... (nb this thing is so stupid that people are often making up fake ones and so you have to be careful when quoting - however the below are genuine to the best of my knowledge and [admittedly limited] research)

The first thing I saw was a little while back on a clip from some podcast where the two guys hosting it were taken aback when their two female guests told them entirely seriously that it was "sus" if two men went to the cinema together.

That's a relatively mild one compared to what I saw today where - in a similar set-up - the flabbergasted hosts' female guest told them that for her it was "A red flag if a man wrote emails using lower case - like why would he want to appear feminine?"

More often than not though these weird attacks or whatever they are tend to be men on men (as it were). I saw this thing from some sort of car forum where people were talking about filling up their cars - this one guy said something like "Why are so many of you driving cars? Give the car to your wife, real men drive trucks"

A good one was a question from an (understandably) confused young man. The gist of it was how he had recently had a different schedule which meant tht had to walk to work with his Dad or something, maybe catch the bus from the same place in the mornings. Anyway this guy would often greet people he knew who went past by saying "Good morning" until his dad took him aside and quietly advised him to stop saying good morning cos "People will think you're a bit funny".
So this poor guy had taken to the internet to ask "Is it gay to say good morning?".

Anyway there are loads of examples like the above a recurring one is when there is a photo of a man and a woman and they draw all these lines on the pic to work out who is leaning towards whom, and if a man is leaning into the woman then he's probably gay or at least is a simp who is under her thumb or something (I dunno why and I don't mean it as an insult at all, but simehow I just bet that @version has read about this particular thing and could explain it much better than I can).

So, anyway, there's loads of this stuff, why is it happening? Has the world gone even more mad than before or was this always there and I just never noticed? Is it the internet or is that just a pointless answer that is kind of true of everything but never the whole picture

So, discuss it, explain it to me, or failing that, just find some funny (ideally real) examples... Go!
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
Although I have to allow the possibility that the pisstaking has become bigger than the real thing which would also be interesting in a different way I guess.
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
Oh a couple of related things that are not the same but close enough to be mentioned here....

A fantastic survey which I think clearly demonstrates how men have become less masculine "More men wear a bracelet than have eaten stew".

And another one which, sadly is only anecdotal but if it could be done officially so as to produce some actual solid results would have devastating power "Lately I have noticed a lot of men with wide womanly butts and women with strange narrow butts".
 

william_kent

Well-known member
"More men wear a bracelet than have eaten stew".

anyone who has read Gordon Burns' book about the Yorkshire Ripper will have suffered pages and pages and pages of descriptions of the offal and giblets and gamey meat that his dad ( or grandad? memory fails me at this hour ) boiled up and force fed the young Peter to the point where his first claw hammer attack almost seems like light relief, so not eating "stew" seems like a positive virtue in my opinion
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
Ooh, one that goes back a while to when I was living in London. I nipped into the Costcutter (I think it is) on Dalston Lane and asked for a lighter, a simple enough transaction that led to a bizarre exchange, when he said "What colour?" and I said "I don't care" and then he kinda smiled cunningly and said "What, even pink?" and I said "Yes, I really don't mind what colour" and then he sort of took a pink lighter in slow-motion and passed it towards me really slowly, calling my bluff but giving me a chance to shout "No! Not the pink one" and I'm just sort of muttering under my breath "Gimme the fucking lighter you twat" and eventually, to his consternation, I took the lighter and then as I left he was sort of going "Aha I tricked you into buying a pink lighter".

So in London there is a definite thing about pink lighters and masculinity, and I've realized here that whenever I buy a lighter even in the cafe below my flat rub my little old ladies, they ask what colour. I can't imagine they care but I'm realizing that people they sell to obviously do care, and so that's why they are always mildly relieved that I'm so simple to deal with.
 

william_kent

Well-known member
but, in my experience, alpha male types, self-styled "silverbacks" aka "big swinging dicks", will wear a pink shirt because only a "real man" can pull that off

Donald_Trump_announcing_latest_David_Blaine_feat_3-alt.jpg
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
anyone who has read Gordon Burns' book about the Yorkshire Ripper will have suffered pages and pages and pages of descriptions of the offal and giblets and gamey meat that his dad ( or grandad? memory fails me at this hour ) boiled up and force fed the young Peter to the point where his first claw hammer attack almost seems like light relief, so not eating "stew" seems like a positive virtue in my opinion

So do you reckon that the offal made him more masculine? Or less masculine?

The question in fact boils down to, and, this is exactly the sort of question people start getting into; is it manly or otherwise to kill loads of women?
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
but, in my experience, alpha male types, self-styled "silverbacks" aka "big swinging dicks", will wear a pink shirt because only a real man can pull that off

Donald_Trump_announcing_latest_David_Blaine_feat_3-alt.jpg

I will definitely wear pink if it looks good, why not? But I don't think of it as like a challenging colour - surely everyone on here knows that historically (up to Victorian times I believe) boys wore red and pink, the colours of war and blood, and girls wore soft soppy blue the colour of Chelsea. That's to say there are no fundamentally boy or girl colours... then again I never knew there was a gay way to say goodmorning so....

Actually though when I used to play 5-a-side in Finsbury Park, at first we just had bins, but when we'd been around long enough to justify a kit, I picked a pink one and there was some pushback in fact....

But I'm less interested in the colour stuff (I know I started it but I'm just thinking this now) cos we've heard it before, I would like to hear the really bonkers stuff like "Real men write in capitals the entire time because real men are demented and always really angry, shouting for no reason whatsoever"

Aaaaaaaaaaarghhhhh
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
I remember someone (@linebaugh perhaps?) saying The Northman was one of the best shouting films of all time. Which I think is true... but more than that it offered a blueprint for what a man should be. Always ready to do battle at any time, although to be more specific, a real man shouldn't be defensive, he should be on the front foot, attacking. So the best thing really is, if you see someone else, and they are a man, just attack, instantly, without warning. If you're manly enough they'll be dead before they knew what hit them.
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
But this is it, as far as I can tell there are people really thinking about this kinda stuff all the time.

I read one about how men shouldn't eat phallic foods, and one person re
plied saying they had a friend "I'd always wondered why when they ate a banana they would break bits off and squash then into lumps of a different shape, which they would then consume". I have to admit that is pretty clever - they had their banana and ate it too and didn't go gay.


And several times I've read something I really don't want to believe about men who don't wipe their arse cos they think it's gay to touch their bumhole - thoughts on this @luka or @craner to pick a couple of dissensians totally at random.
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
Oh yeah that's a word I've seen a lot. At first I thought it was just a word that worked well, but it comes up so often I began to wonder if it had since kind of official status... can you enlarge upon it for us @dilbert1?
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
Here's a graph for the mixed heteros amongst us...

FB_IMG_1693635038349.jpg

And yeah it's funny but it's also really fucking sad and it's pretty much where the problems start I'd say
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
CV inBeen never think about this kind of thing.
Well I don't think anyone does do they? Or only a tiny minority at least - I'd say that anyone who truly worries about all of this stuff is suffering from a serious mental illness that I'd genuinely liken to anorexia - an imaginary and misguided view of one's own appearance that can have a hugely debilitating effect on your life.

Above we've been joking about it cos... it's funny, but I do wanna know, are there people out there taking this seriously (I think there are cos aspects of it are so prevalent online) and if so how many? And what does it all mean?

But you don't have to be weirdly insecure about your sexuality to join in.
 
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