l o v e

[nomadologist]

intelligent people put up the most resistance to ideas that they can benefit from. intelligence is an army the ego uses to hold on to its control, it is like a fortress which protects the ego against freedom.

you are really intellgent Nomad. that's why you "talk circles" around your therapists. and that's why you will be trapped in your own thinking for a long time, and suffer unnecessarily for a very long time. there is so much negativity in you, so much resistance, so much pain. I speak words of healing and of love with the best of intentions, and you are only interested in resisting, in dismissing, in mocking, and in discrediting. you would rather hold on to your pain rather than consider the possibility of letting it go. you are afraid of letting go. i hope you do get over the endlessly miserable oedipal traps someday, and i sincerely hope you keep growing and overcome whatever in your life you need to overcome.

love

zhao

Thanks for enlightening me, Holy One.

So someday I will have the honor of becoming more like you? That's exciting.

Did it ever occur to you that I LIKE pain? It doesn't just hurt, it feels gooood.

 

[gek-opel]

Nomad- referring back to the talking circles round therapists thing-- its a total pain in the arse as it renders the entire process pointless (or rather, turns it from a collaborative effort into a pointless mindgame of attempting to prove that yes you really are smarter than the therapist, only they get to take home £50 from an hours work and you get absolutely nothing except a feeling of self-satisfaction- coupled with frustration...) I have fallen into doing this a number of times. And it only ever seems to accelerate the excessiveness of the condition... hence why therapy is not for me. Though I have yet to try a Lacanian.

 

[zhao]

and before you interpret what i just said as condescending, didactic "new-age bullshit" ---

I would like you to know that I am in the same position as you. I have some "issues" that I'm trying to work through, and I am trying to let go of pain that comes from traumatic events earlier in life. I also have a capable mind, and I put up a hell of a fight to all of the ideas I put forth here for a very long time.

 

[nomadologist]

Though I have yet to try a Lacanian.

It's pointless. I've even had to tell doctors what the therapeutic dose of certain drugs was. Ugh.

I keep asking to be referred to Lacanian, but the only one I can find (and she treats a lot of people like me) doesn't take my insurance!! (((((

 

[nomadologist]

and before you interpret what i just said as condescending, didactic "new-age bullshit" ---

too late, I already did

 

[gek-opel]

It is deeply problematic. The social codes of conduct governing "motherhood" in particular drive me insane--my mother did everything "right" according to these, but she was not really "there" in a fundamental way.

There's new research that indicates children of clinically depressed parents who go untreated during their children's infancy and childhood are far far more likely to have mental illness.

Whether you like Freud or not, you can see the Oedipal play itself out over and over in these families who act according to the "mandate" of biological love.

Love is a sinister force in my eyes, as darkly compelling as any addiction or illness-- in terms of destroying any pretense towards free will and binding merely contingent individuals (be they lovers or parents/children) together in nigh on unquestionable metaphysical bonds.

 

[zhao]

i see that I'm already too late. you are quick, in addition to intelligent.

i am not here to play games, to prove that I'm smarter (I'm not), and the things i say, the ideas i have received from people who are wiser than me, i honestly believe are valueble, and can help people who are suffering.

that's all. you can call me what ever names you like. you can make fun of the words i use. but my intentions are good, and my sincerity is real.

 

[nomadologist]

Love is a sinister force in my eyes, as darkly compelling as any addiction or illness-- in terms of destroying any pretense towards free will and binding merely contingent individuals (be they lovers or parents/children) together in nigh on unquestionable metaphysical bonds.

Exactly. Zhao admits he's still working on trauma, but denies that love is a "dark" force.

Rather odd to me.

 

[gek-opel]

It's pointless. I've even had to tell doctors what the therapeutic dose of certain drugs was. Ugh.

I keep asking to be referred to Lacanian, but the only one I can find (and she treats a lot of people like me) doesn't take my insurance!! (((((

Ahuh-- the key I suspect is to find a therapist who you absolutely respect and defer to, so as to avoid the game-playing. Thus far I have not found one that meets that description, or is even willing to go beyond the most banal condescending therapy-bullshit into some actually creative theory, worst of all telling me to "not complicate things". RGHHH...

 

[nomadologist]

i see that I'm already too late. you are quick, in addition to intelligent.

i am not here to play games, to prove that I'm smarter (I'm not), and the things i say, the ideas i have received from people who are wiser than me, i honestly believe are valueble, and can help people who are suffering.

that's all. you can call me what ever names you like. you can make fun of the words i use. but my intentions are good, and my sincerity is real.

I type 80 wpm.

Thanks for your sincerity but I disagree with you.

 

[nomadologist]

Ahuh-- the key I suspect is to find a therapist who you absolutely respect and defer to, so as to avoid the game-playing. Thus far I have not found one that meets that description, or is even willing to go beyond the most banal condescending therapy-bullshit into some actually creative theory, worst of all telling me to "not complicate things". RGHHH...

Well, I do have one that sees through my bullshit--the addiction specialist. He questions my exaggerations about how quickly I finished detox ("well, that's very unusual" ice grilll), and he can always tell if I'm high. He's told me before that I can't come back unless I make a real commitment, but then I'm like "I took a train two hours to come here, didn't I?"

EDIT: the disappointing thing about these, though, is that they won't even start "therapy" until you've been clean and sober for a certain amount of time, and i haven't lasted long enough for this guy

 

[gek-opel]

Well, I do have one that sees through my bullshit--the addiction specialist. He questions my exaggerations about how quickly I finished detox ("well, that's very unusual" ice grilll), and he can always tell if I'm high. He's told me before that I can't come back unless I make a real commitment, but then I'm like "I took a train two hours to come here, didn't I?"

EDIT: the disappointing thing about these, though, is that they won't even start "therapy" until you've been clean and sober for a certain amount of time, and i haven't lasted long enough for this guy

I suffer from the same kind of post-modern mental illness as K-punk has identified Robbie Williams as suffering from, caught in an infinite regressive sequence of selfreflexive movements, where even the jouissance of authentic mental suffering is denied (creating a giddying sense of hall-of-mirrors solipsistic doubt)... and therefore therapy only exacerbates it by indulging my worst lusts for infinite immanent exploration...

So in essence Nomad you're in a catch 22 situation?

 

[nomadologist]

Yes, you could call it that.

I think I'm going back to jouissance in the symptoms, though, because the alternative sucks even worse.

 

[nomadologist]

Actually I just got referred to this guy in Yonkers who's worth a shot. He's from India and I have the worst luck with Indian doctors just playing into my obvious "drug seeking" behavior.

Like "oh god, my muscles are so tense when I try to sleep! I think I have panic attacks. Just wish I could relax my back, it hurts so much!"

30 days of clonopin coming right up.

 

[gek-opel]

That was the other thing- revelling in the jouissance of mental self-mortification... and to a certain extent being unwilling to give up on the twisting architecture of my symptoms, especially under analysis! It only made me enjoy them all the more under pressure to disavow them. In a certain sense the idea of endlessly re-assembling, re-territorialising myself is quite appealing. But in another sense it is self-defeating, solipsistic, and those energies need to be turned outwards misery metastasized into anger and aggressive production into and onto the external world.

 

[zhao]

wow you guys are really stuck in your culture of misery. endlessly rationalizing and intellectualizing in your oedipal, post-oedipal frameworks.

that is NOT what i choose. and there is a choice, mind you.

Zhao admits he's still working on trauma, but denies that love is a "dark" force.

i don't understand your logic. explain? why does the fact that pain exists equal love being a "dark" force?

and what does that mean anyway? love is a dark force. sounds like a really bad Goth tune.

 

[nomadologist]

wow you guys are really stuck in your culture of misery. endlessly rationalizing and intellectualizing in your oedipal, post-oedipal frameworks.

that is NOT what i choose. and there is a choice, mind you.



i don't understand your logic. explain? why does the fact that pain exists equal love being a "dark" force?

and what does that mean anyway? love is a dark force. sounds like a really bad Goth tune.

Fuck off Zhao. You are not a doctor, very clearly, not even close. You have not read any of the research on any mental illness, you probably don't even know the symptomology. I pay people to tell me what's wrong with me, I really don't need you to do that, k?

Maybe you could benefit from therapy, if you're so good at "letting go" of everything, eh?

 

[gek-opel]

and what does that mean anyway? love is a dark force. sounds like a really bad Goth tune.

Hahaha... it is in part though isn't it? Just as much of a self-replicating viral mind-state as Capital itself. That is why for all its incomprehensibility I do like Badiou's formulation of love as "love against the family" as a radical tear in the fabric of the situation of deterministic relations...

 

[nomadologist]

revelling in the jouissance of mental self-mortification...

Sometimes I think of particularly horrifying things to do, just so I can tell them and hear them "analyze" it, and tell me how it was because my dad didn't hug me or something. It's so gratifying.

 

[gek-opel]

Sometimes I think of particularly horrifying things to do, just so I can tell them and hear them "analyze" it, and tell me how it was because my dad didn't hug me or something. It's so gratifying.

And then best of all you can rip their reductively simplistic Freudian naturalising argument to shreds by demonstrating that it had nothing to do with that in the first place!