zhao

there are no accidents
people who, not out of necessity or any particular consideration for the subject matter which may or may not actually require such exaggerated formal device, but rather, seemingly, out of purely stylistic over-indulgence, or some kind of mislead childish impulse to show off through convolution and/or obfuscation, more than occasionally, in fact habitually, almost invariably, write like this.

and in the past i myself, the author of the above lengthy and unwieldy objection steeped in irony, which itself can be argued, and convincingly, to be a demonstration of my own cleverness more than any kind of actual criticality, may indeed, depending on circumstance, context, and the specific mood which finds me at the time of committing words to paper or screen, have been guilty of this.

but in my defense, this exercise in self referentiality and the circular logic of which it makes ample use, however solipsistic and pointless, actually takes the form of that which it, at least purportedly, concerns, and thus afforded a kind of, if i may be so bold, elegance in execution if not motive or aim, in the tradition of "form follows function" classic modernism.

And further, this literary frivolity is, i believe, ultimately in the service of, more than anything else, besides satisfaction of the afore-mentioned childish impulses, pure and simple amusement, and thus largely harmless (besides robbing a few idle individuals on the internet of the few minutes which it took them to read it).

I miss David Foster Wallace :(
 

zhao

there are no accidents
my boss does this. legalistic / local council background. When I got here 9 years ago everything was written like that! I guess it gives me a purpose...

I'm reading a book called The Interpretation of Cultures, which was the inspiration for this, um, largely waste of time.
 

STN

sou'wester
Lloyds Bank employees, Southampton Row Branch, please note that if you 'assure' me that something will happen, the thing that you have assured me will happen has to then actually happen, otherwise it's not assuring me, it's just lying to me, you absolute dickfools.

'I appreciate that you're angry sir', I don't want you to appreciate that I'm angry, that just shows you have ears and some powers of deduction, I want you to appreciate why I'm angry (see above).

Grrr! I'm in a right royal rage today.

I nominate Size? in Covent Garden as the most infuriating shop for idiotic clientele of the stop-dead-spin-slowly-around-gawping-at-things-start-edging-forward-as-you-try-to-get-past-stop-dead-repeat ad infinitum variety.
 

IdleRich

IdleRich
"Lloyds Bank employees, Southampton Row Branch, please note that if you 'assure' me that something will happen, the thing that you have assured me will happen has to then actually happen, otherwise it's not assuring me, it's just lying to me, you absolute dickfools."
Interesting, DX failed to deliver my Lloyds bank card for the second time today and then failed to meet their own conditions for organising the redelivery also for the second time. No money for me this weekend. Again. I wrote them a pretty snotty email on the subject but I neglected to call them dickfools unfortunately.
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
An open letter to the world's housemates:

Now I admit that I may be at a bit of an advantage here, what with my formal training in the theoretical and applied sciences, but let me try and explain the meaning of a highly arcane piece of domestic jargon, viz. 'washing up'. Now the clue here is in the element 'wash-', meaning 'to process with water until clean'. I can see how it might be tempting to interpret the phrase as meaning 'to moisten and redistribute the grease (on cutlery, crockery, pans etc.) before racking it up to dry on the draining board', but this is actually a common misconception.

In short, if you're going 'wash' something, then actually fucking wash it - don't just wet it and stick it all in a big pile on the other side of the sink. Or just don't bother at all. Gah.
 
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nomadthethird

more issues than Time mag
People who shamelessly use PR and marketing tactics to promote their own work, then condemn others for doing the same. All while considering themselves the world's most radical collectivists in the process.

Why is it that "socialists" are inevitably people with no social skills whatsoever? Why, gods, why?
 

grizzleb

Well-known member
People who shamelessly use PR and marketing tactics to promote their own work, then condemn others for doing the same. All while considering themselves the world's most radical collectivists in the process.

Why is it that "socialists" are inevitably people with no social skills whatsoever? Why, gods, why?
I'm a socialist.
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
I know whingeing about retarded business-speak has become a bit passe, but I heard a real shocker the other day. I was in a (small) meeting when this guy says "We're trying to eat an elephant here. How are we going to eat the elephant?". It was all I could do to stop myself blurting "What in the name of God's cock are you blathering about, you abject cretin?!". Would have been a short but sweet career in the civil service...

(I can only imagine the idea he was trying to get across was "This is a large project: how can we break it up into more manageable pieces?". If I were trying to convey this idea, I'd probably say something like "This is a large project: how can we break it up into more manageable pieces?". But then, I'm a bit ker-azy like that.)
 

PeteUM

It's all grist
I know whingeing about retarded business-speak has become a bit passe, but I heard a real shocker the other day. I was in a (small) meeting when this guy says "We're trying to eat an elephant here. How are we going to eat the elephant?".

I think I would have struggled to have held in some straight-faced question about really massive cutlery.
 

Slothrop

Tight but Polite
Haha, that's actually a much better response than a straight insult. :)

To be honest, if you'd managed to give the wide-eyed impression of someone stoned slowly grasping what seems like a great truth and said "what we need is... a really big fork" they'd probably have identified you as an out-of-the-box strategic thinker and promoted you to management on the spot.

I have a love-hate relationship with mild corporatese - we use the phrase "ramp up on" to mean "learn about" at work, and it really winds me up even though I do it myself, but "touch base" (as in, "you should probably go and touch base with such-and-such fairly regularly to make sure you're on track") actually seems like a reasonable coinage in response to something quite specific and important that doesn't have a better plain english phrase. Although I'm always tempted to substitute the phrase "touch cloth."
 

Mr. Tea

Let's Talk About Ceps
To be honest, if you'd managed to give the wide-eyed impression of someone stoned slowly grasping what seems like a great truth and said "what we need is... a really big fork" they'd probably have identified you as an out-of-the-box strategic thinker and promoted you to management on the spot.

Pros: more money.

Cons: I'd have to talk like that all the time.

On balance, I'd probably be happier in a junior role.

I, too, enjoy the base/cloth mental switcheroo. I also like the idea of 'Touching Bass' being a great name for a dubstep night for middle managers.
 

PeteUM

It's all grist
To be honest, if you'd managed to give the wide-eyed impression of someone stoned slowly grasping what seems like a great truth and said "what we need is... a really big fork" they'd probably have identified you as an out-of-the-box strategic thinker and promoted you to management on the spot.

This reminds me of an as yet untested game me and my girlfriend invented to play in job interviews whereby when you are asked a question you roll your eyes back in your head and pull a sort of shamanic mong-face before snapping back to normal and answering with articulate lucidity. As I say I haven't tried it yet and, yes, I am currently unemployed.
 
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